Marly K's Moon Street Tarot and Astrology

Pluto and the Pain Body

2012-02-23T12:43:00.001-05:00

I have written a lot about Pluto and releasing toxic patterns. Now that we're in Pisces season and with the added bonus of Neptune having entered Pisces after 150 years, we have a great opportunity to do some major healing work. So I wanted to talk about something I recently discovered regarding the pain body. Here is a terrific link with a full explanation of what the pain body is. A lot of it is culled from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now:

There are two types of pain; one is present pain that occurs in the Now and the pain which is based on past events, usually from childhood experiences.

The pain-body is a very low vibratory frequency that feeds on pain, misery, drama, etc. It is unconsciousness and it feeds on unconsciousness. When you notice yourself in a reactive state, the pain-body is active and looking to be fed. Go into a place of allowing and observation, thereby supporting the raising of your vibratory state and the vibratory state of the pain-body. The pain-body consists of trapped life-energy that has split off from your total energy field and has temporarily become autonomous through the natural process of mind identification. Anything can trigger it, particularly if it resonates with a pattern from your past.

Basically, the pain body is an erroneous message that you created about your story sometime in the past, and that you fight to protect. As much pain as it may cause you --and it probably constitutes the central pain narrative in your life --, you "cherish" it. Say, for instance, that you believe that you will never have enough money. You believe it is your lot to always work your tail off and never get a fair wage. You resent this, but nevertheless on some level you don't want to let go of the belief. Whenever anyone offers you workable solutions, you shoot them down, argue with the person vociferously, and find yourself getting extremely angry for no reason at all.

Here's a list of some erroneous beliefs I've heard that the person defends with all his/her might: "You have to choose between love and career. You can't have both." "All men/women are dogs/bitches. You can't trust them." "I will never find love." "In order to be successful you have to be ruthless." "You can't make money doing what you love." "You have to choose between your friends and your love." In each case, the person believed that this was a law of nature, not that their perspective was warped.

You can identify a cherished lie because when someone tries to make you feel better by pointing out the absurdity behind the statement, you will get angry and fight them tooth and nail. Bizarre, isn't it?Instead of feeling supported by the fact that someone is trying to make you feel better, you lash out.

Why is that? Because on some level, you have identified with that lie to the point that it has become a part of your identity. The belief holds you back and you know it, but you cannot let it go. Doing so feels like dying. And it is a form of dying, but not all dying is bad. You are addicted to this belief, in other words. Like the addict who is slowly killing himself with each fix, you believe that if the drug were taken away, you will die. Even if the Pluto stamp is not associated with addiction in your case, you are actually addicted to the thought.

The interesting thing is that the drug analogy even works when we are on the brink of kicking the belief, so to speak. Every addict knows that there is a withdrawal period in which every waking thought revolves around the drug.

When you are at the brink of finally eliminating that belief -- and as you know, with Pluto this can take years and years--, no matter how conscious you are of your negative conditioning and no matter how detached you've taught yourself to be from your reactions, the pain body has devious ways of seeping into your consciousness.

In my case, the inner demons came to me in dreams. So although I was at peace during the day and was able to push my negative belief away while awake, as soon as I feel asleep I was bombarded with dreams in which the negative belief had come true. As you all know, I am a great believer in finding your inner guide through dreams, so I was very disturbed.

I spoke to my sister about this and she was extremely helpful in explaining to me that the "ego" knows about this channel. She told me about her own experiences with the pain body and how years ago, just as she was about to finally release a negative patterning, the bad thoughts came to her at night. As soon as my sister explained this to me, the dreams ceased. It was a great relief given that I was so shaken that I couldn't write and I had a lot of deadlines to meet. I didn't know that addictions and the ego could come through the dreaming channel and so I decided to write about it for your benefit.

Now, even bad dreams can be a message from your inner guide. You cannot dismiss a dream merely because it's a nightmare. So how do you distinguish a dream that is genuinely guiding you and one that is trying to sabotage you? The key word here is sabotage. If the dream puts you in such a state that it takes over your emotional balance and affects your life negatively, especially if the dream is a reenactment of your erroneous belief, then it's just the ego/addiction refusing to die. If, however, your nightmare leads you to a crucial Aha! moment and feeling empowered, then it's your guides.

The sneaky attack is a good sign that you are about to conquer your most powerful demon.

Does any of this resonate? What are your own experiences in releasing your inner demons?

Happy Birthday, Pisces!

2012-02-21T09:15:00.001-05:00

The sun is now in Pisces and today the New Moon in Pisces will be conjunct Chiron and Neptune. The Pisces Moon hasn't conjoined Neptune since 1860!

You could say we are awash in a Piscean sea. With Mars retrograde in Virgo, it might be a little hard to feel like doing anything at all. Pisces rules transcendental experiences and it's the higher octave of Venus. Pisces and Neptune can be very glamorous and artistic. If you've ever completely lost yourself in a book or in a movie to the point of being moved to tears, then you know what this is like. With a Chiron conjunction, there is a lot of opportunities to heal by being compassionate. This doesn't just apply to others. Don't let that Mars in Virgo take over with passive-aggressive nitpicking. Don't dwell on your mistakes to the point of tormenting yourself. What's done is done. Apologize, make amends, and take note of where you can do better in the future.

Pisces season is a good time to forget. Pisceans get a lot of flak for being absent-minded, but forgetting can be a wonderful balm. In a way, being able to forget something means that you can really let it go, right? Pisces is not always very discriminating about what to forgive and forget. Sometimes it can sacrifice too much in the interest of making sure people don't feel uncomfortable. In my experience, Pisceans must learn to discern their feelings from others'. They pick up others emotions and thoughts in such a way that they may not know what belongs to them. Why Cancerians and Scorpios don't have the same problem is a mystery to me, since they too are very sensitive signs as well. Regardless, due to this ability to feel others' emotions as if they were their own, Pisceans often hate to make people uncomfortable. This is unfortunate when the person should feel uncomfortable like, say, if the other person is trying to lie or cheat and you find them out. The Piscean might collude in the deception if only not to feel badly -- even if s/he's the victim! You can see how that can be a problem.

Sometimes sacrifice is necessary and noble, and sometimes it's downright dumb and useless. I like Rabbi Hillel's prescription: "If I am not for myself, then who will be? If I am only for myself, then what am I?" Ask yourself that question if you have serious misgivings about where to draw the line. Remember that if you sacrifice yourself too much in order to be of service, there will come a point in which you won't be around. And then how will you be able to serve others? Ouija boards don't count.

On the other hand, Pisces season can also be a wonderful time to create something artistic. The Sun also sextiles Jupiter in Taurus and the latter trines Pluto in Cap, so there's a good possibility that anything you create during this period might pay off in dividends. I especially like the fact that Taurus and Capricorn are earth signs, since with all that powerful Piscean energy, there's always the risk of getting lost in dreams and getting into a LOT OF TROUBLE through the power of illusion. Use that earth energy along with Mars in Virgo to cast a gimlet eye at all offers that might seem to be too good to be true and you'll be fine.

Happy Birthday, Aquarius!

2012-01-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

The Hermit by Wildcat Studios

If you suddenly feel fenced in and an urge to make a mad dash to freedom, it's probably not just cabin fever. The Sun is now in Aquarius, sign of the maverick, the freedom-fighter, and the rebel. Except that, unlike a lot of rebels, Aquarius' quest for liberty is never selfish. He's an individualist whose mission is to benefit a bigger group.

Aquarius is unconventional, no doubt about it. As an air sign, he's dispassionate about his feelings. As one of the four fixed signs, he IS passionate, but only about his ideas or ideals. And he always aligns these to the larger good. He can come across as a bit... self-righteous or tiresome, what with his mania for getting on his soap-box at every dinner or gathering. But as much as he wants to help people and be part of a group, he also doesn't care if he ruffles a few feathers. His need to make larger associations never comes at the expense of conforming. If serving humanity at large means starting a revolution, well, then so be it.

He already knows he's a bit of a weirdo. He knows because the aliens have told him so, and he communes with them every day via the nifty intergalactic radio he made himself with spare parts he picked up from the community dump bin. That the gadget also gives him the temperature in five different time zones is a bonus. Aquarius, you see, is an inventor and he's got a particular gift for technological innovations.

The traditional rule of Aquarius is Saturn, which is odd considering that modern astrology assigns Uranus rulership over this sign. Saturn usually interested in keeping traditions and being conservative, whereas Uranus wants to break all conventions. So, what gives? Well, think of all the revolutionaries who changed the status quo in their youth, yet became obsessed with others conforming to their new rules. That's the dark side. On a higher plane, Aquarius also knows how to keep old norms that actually work while introducing newer strategies. The balanced Aquarian, in other words, knows what to keep, what to discard, and what to update.

Today the New Moon in Aquarius arrives at the same time that Mars goes retrograde in Virgo . I foresee a lot of passive aggressiveness hidden behind the "helpful" critiques. Don't nitpick people or projects to death, nor get mired in all the tiny little details. Fortunately, Mars is trining Mercury in Capricorn which disposits to Saturn in Libra, the latter in a lovely trine to Neptune in Aquarius. Make sure that you are polite and equitable to all parties in all your communications, and you will lay the groundwork to making your dreams come true.

Got any plans in the works?

The special $45 hour-long Year Ahead Tarot reading is still available until the end of the month. Treat yourself or a friend.

Sun Square Saturn

2012-01-20T12:15:00.000-05:00

Today the Sun in Capricorn squares Saturn in Libra at the crucial 29th degree. Saturn in Libra demands fair terms in all relationships. Sun in Capricorn can be cold and calculating. Saturn/Sun squares indicate an authority figure who's bearing down on us, demanding that we do all the hard work before we get to go out and play. It's a tough aspect and a bit depressing. In the 29th degree, it demands mastery. You might think you've earned your way to the next level, but the tests keep coming. Have you been gnashing your teeth, waiting for the surprise quizzes to end? It is a frustrating aspect, no doubt. Too many hurdles can dampen the spirit. The worst way to handle this is by blowing up and pitching a hissy fit ("Cut me a break already!"). Trust me, it's not like don't sympathize, so if you're really at your rope's end, I give you permission to have a five-minute private tantrum, behind closed doors, where no one else can hear. But five minutes only, okay? Set your watch, if you must. Then you must come back out, smile pleasantly and politely, and buck down again.

The best tactic for dealing with a seemingly endless series of obstacles? Think of it as a spiritual marathon, put one foot in front of the other, and focus on one metaphorical mile at a time. With Venus (Libra's ruler) in Pisces sextiling Pluto in Cap, I bet the payoff will be rather sweet in the end.

Feeling overburdened and overtaxed? Share your current struggle and tactics.

There's 11 days left to redeem my special $45 hour-long Year Ahead Tarot reading. Buy it for yourself or a friend!

Moon in Scorpio

2012-01-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

The Moon's in Scorpio today, the sign of its fall. This can be an uncomfortable place for the moon, and in a natal chart a Scorpio Moon can be a heavy burden. (This is true as well if you have a Moon/Pluto aspect in your natal chart, especially in hard aspect -- although I find that even harmonious aspects can be challenging.) It can intensify the emotions, but also endow the native with psychic gifts. Here's the problem, though: Scorpio must learn to distinguish between paranoia and intuition. Given the intense emotional the native goes through, this can be quite a task. It can take a really long time to figure out how to handle all that power properly.

There's a lot of fear associated with this Moon, because it also brings up very painful situations and a lot of trauma. In a way, the native has to spend many years in a sort of post-traumatic stress period.

The thing about PTSD is that, under its influence, there's a tendency to be reactive. Unfortunately, the first reactions often lead to catastrophic, self-sabotaging consequences. It can be hard to control the reactiveness, because there's this feeling that one must act if one is to survive. This happens because one has a tendency to act on assumptions that may seem very real -- (ie, my boss is going to fire me because she hasn't talked to me all day, but I'm not giving her the satisfaction. I'll just go and quit!!). The operative word here is "seem". With the Moon in Scorpio, it's a pretty safe bet that the more justified you feel in acting on a particular fear, the greater the likelihood that you're wrong.

The best way to handle this aspect is to contain one's feelings. I'm not saying to repress them. I mean, go ahead and feel them fully, but withstand the intense need to act on them.

Hold your tongue. Count to ten. Be brave and just dwell in the discomfort of feeling fear fully without necessarily doing anything to relieve it. But please understand that this is not a license to obsess. Obsession is a mental activity, not a feeling one, and in order to channel the immense power of the Scorpio Moon, the key is to feel deeply until the fear disperses. Yoga for the soul is what I'd call it, the way you breathe into the discomfort of a particular pose. Do it mindfully enough and you release the fear, the intensity, the paranoia, the urgency to act and thus shoot yourself in the foot. Practice this enough and you will also access the tremendous power of this lunar combo. Moon in Scorpio is not only psychic, she also possesses Jedi mind tricks. She can influence through the power of suggestion and pure energy. It also bestows tremendous personal strength.

How are you faring with today's Moon in Scorp?

I'm offering a special $45 hour-long Year Ahead reading until the end of January.

How To Handle a Difficult Reading

2012-01-05T13:16:00.003-05:00

Cornelisz Anthonisz. (Theunissen), The collapse of the Tower of Babel, 1547, Etching
© SMB, Kupferstichkabinett, Photo: Volker-H. Schneider

Every once in a while I have to give bad news. I don't like being the messenger of bad tidings, but I am also not the kind of reader who likes to spin an interpretation into something that it's not. If, say, I see a negative person or get some bad mojo in someone's cards, I will let the person know. Hell, every once in a while, I myself have gotten a bad reading, so I know how hard it is to hear bad news.

So what to do when the outlook is cloudy, with a chance of electrical thunderstorms and gale force winds? How do you handle bad news? Here are some guidelines:

Perspective. Is this truly bad or is it something that you just don't want to hear? For instance, if you ask the cards when you'll get back with your ex, and the reading points unequivocally to "NEVER", as much as it hurts, this is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that sounds callous. But pain is not necessarily an indication of disaster.
Preparation. The future's not set in stone. Sometimes a bad reading is really a warning; disaster awaits if you make certain choices. However, you don't have to make those choices! There may be other options that you haven't considered before. On the other hand, even if the outcome is inevitable, there are ways of softening the blow. Like we say in Spanish, "Guerra avisada no mata soldados" - "A war foretold doesn't kill any soldiers".
Philosophy. When I run across a particularly bad set of cards, and see that the person has no real choices, I will usually also get an indication as to why the person must face the situation. Oftentimes, the news is not really a shock and serves to punch through denial. In fact, sometimes the reading itself can be enough of a breakthrough for people to take control of what would have been a bad situation. Other times we go through difficult times because there are lessons to learn. I like Martha Beck's take: "Every scary obstacle is just an invitation to relax." Many times, our anxiety and fear are more intense before than during a catastrophic event. Why suffer twice?

You may not be able to avert disaster, but you can prepare psychologically. This flies in the face of everything we've been told about having control, but sometimes the only thing we can truly control is ourselves.

How do you handle bad news?

Today's Link - Love A Capricorn?

2012-01-03T20:46:00.000-05:00

It's Capricorn season, a sign known for its ambition, its no-nonsense attitude, and being a bit of a hard-ass with occasional bouts of depression. None of this stuff sounds very romantic, so Capricorn doesn't get a lot of love, let's face it. No wonder he's such a sourpuss. By chance, I found this great paean to Capricorn. If you got a Cappie in your life, (this includes Venus in Cap), this post from Dreamscopes will send a little love his or her way:

Today is my love’s birthday, which got me thinking about the sign of Capricorn in general, and all the reasons I adore them in particular. With the recent and Very Significant move of Pluto into Capricorn, it is doubly timely to ponder the uniqueness of this, the last of the Earth signs.

Love a Cap? Count the ways.

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-03T12:54:00.003-05:00

It's a new year, and I'm betting that a lot of us have been a little sluggish in writing up our resolutions. Yes, the Sun is in a wide-orb conjunction to Pluto in Capricorn, a sign known for its solid work ethic, but so far the Moon has been in impatient Aries, making it hard to focus, and today it's trining peaceful Taurus. Not to say that Taurus doesn't work hard, no, but if there's ever a sign that takes its sweet ass time getting things done, it's Taurus. Easy does it, says the Bull.

Today's Moon/Pluto trine is deceptively powerful, because it likely will be serene, even if the combination of Moon and Pluto can hardly be described as such. Usually when the Moon and Pluto meet, there's a lot of emotions that get riled up and they can be INTENSE, to say the least. Today we can discover that gentleness CAN heal -- as long as we're open to the possibility. In our Western mindset, we often confuse "more" and "power" with efficacy. And it's not necessarily so. I discovered it myself last year, when I injured myself badly during a work-out (I wasn't listening to my body!!). I had no choice but to seek physical therapy. If you've ever been to a physical therapist, you know that these exercises are very very gentle. To someone who was used to pushing myself, the idea that subtle movements could strengthen was a revelation. The key was patience and persistence, two things the Bull knows intuitively.

So if someone or something gets out of hand today, instead of pushing back, pull back. Instead of fighting harder, breathe deeply. The louder and more intense the reaction, the softer and more yielding you should be. After all, you don't fight fire with fire, but with water. And as Carol K. Anthony writes in A Guide to the I Ching, "Be like water. Water is soft, but its force is irresistible."

The Sun enters Capricorn - Let's Welcome Winter

2011-12-22T10:06:00.000-05:00

The Sun entered Capricorn and it is officially winter. Predictably, I'm feeling a wee bit blue. I've spent most of my life in the U.S., but I am still a Latin girl at heart and the lack of sun gets me down. Or maybe it's that I'm a Leo ruled by the Sun. Either way, Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, and thus is associated with hard work, discipline, and putting you nose to the grindstone. It's also associated with having a realistic outlook, which for some people equals pessimism.

I don't think that it has to be that way, though, especially right now as the Sun is trining Jupiter in Taurus, another earth sign known for its realistic, albeit more pleasure-oriented, stance. Jupiter is retrograde still, but I am going to place my bet on this: If you lay out a realistic plan, you are apt to reap major rewards. Capricorn is aligned with business and Taurus is also a money sign so I think it's an especially good aspect for generating real profits. Pluto is in six degrees of Capricorn, which some astrologers would count as it being within orb (or influence) of the Sun, and thus forming part of that harmonious trine. Pluto and Jupiter make for an especially powerful combination, as long as you set your ego aside and don't get caught up in power struggles. This might prove difficult with Uranus in Aries squaring the Sun, but it's worth the effort. As a strongly Plutonian person, I've come to the conclusion that forcing people or situations is bound to blow up in your face.

Mercury is still in Sagittarius, countering that Saturnian, slightly depressed outlook, with the power of positive thinking. Even if your back is up against the wall and it looks like you've run out of options, a solution IS possible. I know that my best ideas came to me when I was feeling sad, just like I am right now. Once I was able to implement them, I was rewarded for daring.

For instance, one time, many many years ago, I was feeling worse than I do today, and was badly in need of a job. I was living in Israel at the time and didn't have many resources. The only thing I had was a collection of writings and a guide to the production companies in Israel. I sent out my entire portfolio to every single production house I found. There weren't many. I was a bit embarrassed by this act of desperation and I still had a lot of doubts about my own writing, but my situation was such that I had to put my self-doubt aside.

About a week later I got a call from a producer who liked my work and hired me to write a treatment for an upcoming project. "You're very naive, you know that? Sending out your writing like that. It takes chutzpah." I didn't tell him that it had nothing to do with chutzpah and everything to do with fear. The fear of not working, yes, but most of all, the fear of not doing anything. The fear of stagnation.

The project was never made, but it generated a nice amount of cash for me. And it was a good lesson in the best way to use Saturn: Set your doubts aside, put one foot in front of the other, and just do the work. So, while I know that I'm currently feeling that I'm running out of options, I also know this is the same exact way I felt that day many years ago in Jerusalem, when I had no choice but to put myself out there.

And here is some inspiration in making decisions when, according to Etgar Keret's father, "things are at rock-bottom." I thought it was a perfect blend of Capricorn hardheadedness and Sagittarian optimism. Put them together and you get ingenious solutions.

Have you ever come up with an ingenious solution when things were at their grimmest? Please share!

Mercury Retrograde - The Aftermath

2011-12-15T16:18:00.000-05:00

It was late Friday night, I was alone in Times Square, and I had just missed the last bus home.

I sat down on a bench and gathered my thoughts. Even though Times Square had come a long way since the days Robert DeNiro paced its gritty sidewalks in Taxi Driver, it's still not a place where you want to spend the night.

At that moment I remembered that a friend was out of town and that she always left a copy of her key with her doorman. I called her up and, sure enough, I had a place to stay that night.

In the morning, my aunt called me on my cell to let me know that I could hitch a ride home with my uncle, who was driving in with his wife and kids.

"He'll call you in a bit to get directions," she said.

He rang some hours later as I was waking up from a nap.

"What's the address there?" He asked.

I blanked out. I didn't know the actual street address, I just knew the building and how to get there. I hunted the place for an envelope with my friend's address on it. This was quite a task since my friend was a master of disorganization. I finally found one and read it back to him. Since I hadn't had a chance to charge my cell and the battery was dying, I asked that he call me back on the land line.

"I'll ring you up when I get downstairs," he said.

I waited for much longer than expected and then I got another call from my aunt on my cell.

"You uncle's downstairs! He's been waiting there for 20 minutes. He keeps calling and you don't pick up!!"

I checked the land line. The ringer was off. I'd forgotten that it was Saturday, and that my friend would turn it off so that it would not disrupt her Sabbath. I ran downstairs and popped into the car. And that's when I really got it.

"You know, Marly, if you didn't want me to pick you up, you could've said something!"

"What?! Why wouldn't I want you to pick me up? Where'd you get that idea?"

"Well, first, when I asked you for the address, you were reluctant to give it to me. It's like I had to push you to tell me."

"I had just woken up and I didn't know it off the top of my head. I was hunting for an envelope!"

"Okay, and then I call you and you refuse to answer the phone?! That's just rude!"

"My friend turned off the ringer! She keeps the Sabbath!"

Can you guess when this all took place? That's right, Mercury was in retrograde. Classic instances of breakdown in communication permeate the story, which is why I included them.

If there is one thing to take away about the story is that Mercury retrograde's miscommunication misfires highlight where in our lives we make unfair and incorrect assumptions. That's where the real communication breakdowns occur. My uncle jumped to conclusions that were completely off-base. I can see how he could've misconstrued all that, but my reluctance was really muddle-headness, and what appeared as passive aggressiveness was an innocent mistake.

It is human nature to make up stories about other people's true motives. Sometimes our suspicions are right on. A lot of times, though, they are completely wrong. If anything, the motivations we ascribe to others say more about us than about them. And that is one crucial takeaway from Mercury retrograde: Our assumptions are the real hurdles in connecting with another human being. It is not just about giving someone else the benefit of the doubt, it is more that sometimes we end up getting our panties in a bunch for no reason at all. Until you don't know the whole story, refuse to get upset. Whether or not Mercury's going direct.

Were your assumptions tested during the past three weeks?

Happy Birthday, Sag!

2011-11-22T08:53:00.001-05:00

The Sun enters Sagittarius today -- hallelujah! After the obsessive, brooding, dark Scorpio energy, the mood already feels lighter. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion, philosophy, and optimism.

Sag is that one friend of yours who will actually tell you, yeah, your ass actually DOES look fat in those jeans. Before you get all huffy, though, let me point out that Sag doesn't come from a hurtful place; she's not telling you the truth maliciously. She's talking honestly because she believes in you, and wants you to improve yourself and your life.

"But," you say. "The bitch just hurt my feelings!"

Well, you know what? Your ego is holding you back. Sag's truth hurts only because it's landing in those places where we feel so vulnerable that we refuse to look at reality. If I don't honestly believe that I have the discipline to lose the weight so that I can actually look good in those jeans, I'm going to wrap myself into a little cocoon of fantasy. I'm going to attack anyone who comes to burst that bubble! In the meantime, though, the longer I refuse to look at the truth, the longer my ass will just keep getting fatter.

As far as Sag is concerned, it is so much worse to lie to your face and then laugh at you behind your back. The truth might sting a little today, but think how much worse the disillusionment will be a year or two down the road, when you finally find out everyone else was coddling you about your delusions! Like I said, Sag believes in you. She tells you the truth because she has full confidence that you do indeed have the discipline, and the inner strength to lose the weight to look good in those jeans someday. With her brutal honesty, she's protecting you from unwittingly making a fool of yourself at the party. After all, don't you hate when you think you look hot and then find out much later that you actually looked fugly? Knowing you were totally delusional is so humiliating.

Sag reminds me of the time I lived in Israel. Whenever I asked an Israeli who'd lived in America what was the hardest thing to get used to about living here, they'd always respond in bafflement, "Nobody tells you the truth. They're so afraid to hurt your feelings, that you never really know what you're doing right or wrong. It's like I can't trust them!"

Trust is a natural by-product of honesty. The latter cannot exist without maturity; it's not just the inner maturity to face uncomfortable truths, but that of the longtime friend who can be harsh only because time has borne out that he has your best interests at heart. Sag may unblinkingly tell you where you fail, but she will also tell you where you excel. And if someone who's always honest gives you a compliment, then you know you can really strut your stuff, right?

In a few days, Mercury goes retrograde and there's a New Moon Solar eclipse. Mercury and Venus are also in Sag, so that's a lot of fiery, blunt talk energy. In the next few weeks, a lot of truths will be blurted out. Some of them will make you howl in pain. That's fine. Go home, cry in your pillows, and then wake up the next day ready to do whatever it takes to change. Gird your egos, peeps. Because whatever hurts is also the perfect indication that you were holding on to a dream that would've become a painful nightmare in the long run. This is a terrific time to look truth in the face and start grounding your dreams in reality.

So when someone tells you your ass is too fat (or whatever the equivalent in your life), repress the urge to cry or slap them. Instead, thank them. This is a perfect instance that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Thoughts on Chiron in Pisces

2011-11-18T09:17:00.001-05:00

As I've mentioned frequently here, right now there's a terrific Grand Trine in the Earth signs, which basically means that it is the perfect time to start putting your plans in motion so that they will materialize. However, from talking to some of you and from some stuff going on in my own life, I know this has been challenging to do because it's been a very emotional week. Michael Lutin clued me in as to why when he mentioned this week that "you have to kiss your own boo-boo and play Mommy to others, while you tend to your own wound", because Chiron is in Pisces. (He also mentions Ceres, but I won't address Ceres here.)

Chiron is the planet in our charts that represents our deepest wound, one that will aid in healing or teaching others. With that said, I think that one of the toughest things about this week is that I've observed a lot of the pain coming from getting hung up on our pain. This has triggered a lot of toxic nostalgia, and I have a hunch that it's related to the Sun in Scorpio. Toxic nostalgia is when something in the present triggers these buried emotions from a past traumatic experience. Instead of reacting appropriately to what is happening in the present, we get paranoid that "it's happening again". Scorpio can be uncannily intuitive, but it can also be off-the-wall paranoid and convince himself he's right because his intuition was accurate in the past. We all have to be careful with this because Scorpio can get vindictive in order to protect himself. So, you will make the situation worse if you start reacting from the pain. Know this: What you think is happening and what actually is happening are not the same thing. It's an illusion, something that Pisces knows a thing or two about. Water signs can be very sensitive, but in my experience, they can also get lost in their own pain and actually end up being pretty insensitive to others!

I've seen it and experienced it myself this week. In one instance, someone who grew up in an abusive home feeling completely unsupported was triggered by an incident with an in-law. He thought his wife was siding with the in-law, and that he was all alone in the world, just like he had been when he was a kid. As he was discussing the situation, I pointed out how this was an illusion. He has supportive friends, is a key person in a strong 12-step group, and he had overheard his wife taking his side and defending him to the rest of the family. Plus, his wife had checked in with him to see if he was really comfortable spending the holidays with the in-law in question! Thankfully, the two had an honest conversation this week about it, and that illusion was dispelled.

From the outside, this scenario is so clear that the man's reaction can seem crazy. That's toxic nostalgia for you, though. So, your first clue that you're in its grip is that you feel so strongly that you're not thinking logically. You're crying, or outraged, and reacting from a vindictive place. Revenge doesn't have to be the stuff of an episode of "Snapped!", either. It can be as simple as refusing to answer someone's calls, writing them nasty emails, etc. The second clue is that you feel that "it's happening again", whatever that may be. If you find yourself thinking stuff like, "My colleagues at work are avoiding me, just like my classmates did when I was in middle school!", you're experiencing toxic nostalgia.

It just so happens that Chiron in Pisces is right across the way from Mars in Virgo, which forms part of that stabilizing and energetic grand trine I mentioned earlier. Grounding yourself in reality is a great solution to those feelings. Come back to the present, the earth signs are telling you. You may have to go for a run (Mars), or attend to the chores (Virgo), to feel yourself calming down. Getting back into your body and away from your feelings and from your head are two excellent ways to disperse these runaway emotions. Also, use that Pisces energy to channel into your compassion for the pain of others, as Michael Lutin suggests. Listening to someone's pain can lead to a breakthrough of your own. I know it did for me. When I listened to the man's problems with the in-law, I saw clearly that his emotions were misleading. That led me to ask myself if I was doing the same thing myself. Sure enough, I was!

In turn, this sparked a revelation that blew my mind and that has healed me as well, and I will share it with you in case it serves you also: Whatever defensive mechanism you developed in order to deal with a past trauma is precisely what is holding you back in the present. When I first came to this country, my mother had remarried, and my stepfather was abusive. In addition, I was teased mercilessly in school, and had no friends. My family was delighted with my mother's marriage and seemed to take my stepfather's side. I had nowhere to run from a painful reality. So I escaped into fantasy and books. Literally, when I wasn't reading, I was daydreaming relentlessly. I did it for so many years, that I trained myself not to see people's true colors, or what was actually happening. Needless to say, not only has this been extremely painful as a grown-up, this week I saw how it was the very thing that was holding me back from achieving what I wanted. Duh, right?

The man with the in-law problem had to let go of his conviction that he was always right. He had needed it in order to survive a very tough childhood, in which everyone knocked his perception of reality down, and belittled him. At the time it served him well. When he and I discussed things, I wondered if this very same need was not at the root of the conflict with the in-law.

As with all defense mechanisms, the answer is not obvious in your own life. Partly it's fear that if you divest yourself of it, you will get hurt. And partly it's that it's so entrenched that you don't see it. But that may be the key to releasing some of the overwhelming pain many of you have felt this week.

The worst is over, so let go of a shield or weapon that no longer serves, and is, in fact, holding you back.

The 8 of Swords points out that your feelings of being stuck or victimized are not based in reality, and originate inside you. Does this resonate for you?

Practical Magic - How to Work the Magic of the Current Earth Grand Trine

2011-11-14T22:40:00.001-05:00

I was telling my sister that this was an auspicious time for business plans, and particularly for her husband whose birthday was yesterday, since this lovely Earth Grand Trine lights up his Solar Return chart. (A Solar Return is a chart in which the Sun is at the same degree in which it was when you were born. You can use it to do a personal forecast the coming year.)

"That's great! Ummm, how do I do that?"

Ah-hah! Good question. So there's great astrological mojo, but how to put it to good use? I'm all about getting practical results. We live in a 3D world, after all.

So let's break it down, why not? First off, earth energy is practical, pragmatic, and material. It's earthy, so it's all about what you can touch. This Earth Grand trine is composed of three powerhouse planets: Mars, the planet that rules initiative, motivation, and action; Pluto, the planet of personal transformation; and Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion. Basically, it's time to start making your ideas into reality.

The three signs in question are: Virgo, ruling details, planning, precision; Capricorn, ruling business, mastery, entrepreneurship; and Taurus, ruling beauty, finance, patience.

Oh, you're going to need pen and paper. Better yet, get a whole notebook just for this.

Here's the blueprint :

Write down your goal. Is it to start your own business? Is it to learn a trade? Whatever the goal is, put it down on paper. Earth signs need to touch, and by writing it all down, or sketching it, you will be able to visualize things better. Plus, it is one step closer to making your dream a reality. (Aren't you glad I told you get a separate notebook for this?)
Make an inspiration board. Yes, I know. It sounds cheesy. But it's so much fun! Also, it can take a long time for our dreams to materialize. Although this is a terrific trine, there are also challenging aspects in the heavens. So when you get discouraged, having an inspiration board can come in very handy.
List your resources. What tools do you already own? What skills do you already possess that can help you attain this goal? By the way, talk this out with trusted friends, or experts. Sometimes it takes someone else to point out what we're good at. Virgo is modest, after all.
List what you're missing. What do you need to acquire? It might be training or equipment. Whatever it is, calculate how much it will cost to obtain it. Factor in time as well, since time is money. If the learning curve is too high, or the costs are exorbitant, change course.
Research. With Mars in Virgo, you won't have a hard time with this one. If you want to open a restaurant, do an in-depth study of the start-up costs, your target clientele, the hours, etc. This is not the time to fly blind. Remember, this is a lot of earth energy, and earth signs want you to show them results.
Break it down. How do you get there from here? Break down your goals into annual, monthly, and daily ones. Whether you plan to hike the hill in your backyard, or the Himalayas, both goals require a series of steps. Write down the steps to achieve your daily goals. There's a lot of power in small things. For instance, if you write one page a day, by the end of the year, you will have 365 pages. That's a novel! You will have to be patient, but with the planet of luck in Taurus, the most patient of signs, slow but consistent effort will pay off in dividends.
Adjust your expectations. Say you have always wanted to be an actor, and now that you're retired, you finally have the time to give it a shot. Not even this potent aspect is going to make you into the next Ryan Gosling. (Sorry, dude.) However, it might be feasible to be a character actor, or an extra in commercials, or, with some training, do voice-over work. Earth signs are realistic, and this powerful energy will serve you best if you keep both feet on the ground.
Be consistent and dependable. Show up every day, even if you don't feel like it. (This is the hardest part!) Capricorn is reliable and consistent. It might sound boring, but think of it this way: If you're living in a building on an earthquake-prone zone, you want it to be grounded. This grand trine is ideal for building a solid foundation for your future. Taurus and Capricorn are persistent. Don't give up!
List who you know. People are a resource, too. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication. In ten days, Mercury will go retrograde, a phenomenon that has gotten a very bad rap. However, Mercury retrograde is a great opportunity to reconnect with old friends or old contacts. Reach out. You may not see results right away due to the retrograde, but think of it as planting seeds. Farmers know that a harvest takes almost a year to reap. So be patient.
Do a weekly check-in. Are you veering off-course? You'll never know unless you check in with yourself regularly. It is always easier to get back on-track if you're only a mile into the detour.

Dreams as Your Personal Tarot

2011-11-12T12:04:00.001-05:00

I've often mentioned that the combination of dreams and Tarot is an extremely powerful one. Sometimes, we can even turn to our dreamlife instead of the Tarot. Interpreting dreams is an art, though. Like any art, it takes practice and dedication. So how to begin to access your inner guide?

Here are some thoughts and guidelines:

While books about dreams and symbols are a good start, don't cast aside your own personal symbolic meaning. For instance, maybe mud reminds you of the many happy hours you spent playing as a kid. Maybe you don't associate keys with unlocking a mystery, but with that one time you lost your latchkey and your Mom got mad at you.
Talk it out with a friend. The friend doesn't have to be an authority herself. Sometimes by the very act of talking to someone, we hit upon a meaning we hadn't considered before. And sometimes your friend may not be able to say, "Well, that clearly means this...". She may just notice something you hadn't.
The correct interpretation has to click with the dreamer. No matter how authoritative or certain the interpreter might be, if you don't experience that "Ah-hah!" moment, it's not correct.
Start with the feelings you experienced in the dream. If you were eating a delicious ice cream sundae, but felt disgust regardless, focus on that.
Wordplay. Sometime the message is clear-cut, if you think in puns. For instance, I once dreamt that I was literally "skating on thin ice". I was about to make a big decision and that was a clear warning against going through with it. At that point in my life, I was in denial about everything, including my strong intuition. So I disregarded the message, much to my eventual disappointment. Looking back, I think the message was so blunt precisely because my dreaming mind knew that I was so clueless. It couldn't engage in subtleties.
Consistency. If a dream occurs frequently, or if a certain theme is emerging, obviously the message is very important! So even if you don't understand it, don't brush it aside! Keep working at it, the way you would a puzzle. Like a puzzle, though, you are more likely to solve it if you keep it fun.
Watch for who shows up. I don't care how wacky this sounds, if a dead relative shows up in the dream, PAY ATTENTION. This goes double if you had a good relationship with said relative in real life.
Nightmares are not necessarily bad, nor do they foretell gloomy events. They can be a sign of growth. A nightmare is the dream equivalent of a slap in the face. Sometimes we need one! If you're in denial about how angry you really feel due to some injustice in your life, you may dream you're a killer. If you feel like you're not living your own life, you might dream you're being kidnapped. Crashes, tidal waves, earthquakes, fires -- sometimes the dreaming mind uses alarming imagery to clue you in something you're oblivious to in real life.

Personally, dreams have been an invaluable source of inner knowledge; one that has enriched my life, and led to my own empowerment.

Some Thoughts on Saturn and Mastery

2011-11-10T09:37:00.001-05:00

Some years ago, I read about a guy who decided to do a triathlon on the spur of a moment. He hadn't trained at all, the triathlon was in one week, but he had been very athletic in high school and still ran a few miles on the weekends, so he figured, "What the hell. It can't be THAT hard."

A triathlon, by the way, consists of swimming a little under a mile, then biking about 26 miles, after which you cap it all off with a six mile run. Easy, right? Surprisingly, this guy's race was a total fiasco.

I read the story in an email my fellow triathlon teammates passed around. For our race, we had trained for six months, beginning in the winter, an average of four times a week. During that time, we spent hours perfecting our swim stroke. We stopped going out Friday nights so that we could wake up bright and early Saturday morning to do BRicks, training sessions in which we biked first, and then ran, so that on race day our legs wouldn't cramp up mid-run. We ran when it was frigid and when it was unbearably humid. We lost toenails. We strained muscles. We chafed in unmentionable places.

We even practiced getting in and out of our wetsuits in the least amount of time. As you can imagine, there were many many times when training was boring, painful, and seemingly interminable. By the time race day came, however, we had practiced for every eventuality and while it wasn't exactly a breeze, for most of us, it was much much easier than we had anticipated six months before.

Our mode of training was Saturnian, steeped in slow, diligent effort. The Saturn way is a gradual grind. There's a lot of sacrifice and monotony involved, often for a long period of time. Oftentimes, the training seems utterly pointless, too. Mr. Miyagi in the original Karate Kid takes the Saturnine approach when he has Daniel paint his house and wax his cars using very specific movements. Daniel explodes in frustration. He wants to kick the bully's ass and he wants to do it NOW!! Mr. Miyagi is a master, however, and this is precisely the way his teacher started him off, many many years ago, when he was Daniel's age.

Slow and methodical is the way of achieving mastery. Masters are old or, at least, mature. It's a concept that has fallen by the wayside in our age of wiz kids and instant gratification. Saturn's lessons are hard-won, but precisely because of that, we are protected for every eventuality and thus less likely to experience crushing defeat. You may not always win the prize, but you will definitely finish the race relative unscathed.

In the end, though, no matter what challenge you undertook, the real Saturnian reward never fails to arrive: Self-mastery. And that's a skill that carries into many fields.

So right now with Saturn in Libra, we are all getting a master class in relationships. It is not the time for love at first sight or drive-thru weddings in Vegas. There's a high possibility of frustration in partnerships. The only way to resolve things is to take it slow. Practice communicating fairly, and remember my Uncle Vicente's advice, communication is not just verbal! Bite your tongue. Take a page from Mr. Miyagi and think outside the box when it comes to building your relationship or ironing out conflict.

For instance, I have a friend who told me that when he and his partner were fighting a lot, working on their garden together taught them to cultivate their partnership: "I planted seeds in one end, he weeded in the other, and we met in the middle." That's a lovely Saturn in Libra solution and one we can all learn from.

Where's your Saturn and how are you mastering it?

Pluto Power Issues - Neither Victims Nor Executioners

2011-11-03T14:41:00.002-04:00

Before anything can be done, two questions must be put: 'Do you, or do you not, directly or indirectly, want to be killed or assaulted? Do you or do you not, directly or indirectly, want to kill or assault ?' All who say No to both these questions are automatically committed to a series of consequences which must modify their way of posing the problem.

-- Albert Camus

Courtesy of Dover Books

"Neither Victims Nor Executioners" is the title of a series of essays by Albert Camus. He wrote them in 1946, in the aftermath of World War II. The essays are very political in nature, but at the very core, Camus reflects on the necessity of a more nuanced understanding of power. The very title synthesizes the warped Plutonian dilemma. In essence, those of us who have experienced abusive situations end up with a distorted notion of power, which is basically, that the only way to handle power is to either abuse it or be victimized by it. After writing about how we voluntarily hand over our power, even in situations in which we don't have to, it's natural to ask: Why are we surrendering it? What are we getting out of being "powerless"?

Pluto's idea of power is black and white: one person is right, hence the other is automatically wrong. One person is the ruler, the other the victim. Owner, slave. Unfortunately, with this perspective there's also the subtext that the person with the least power is also the better person. The bad guy had all the power and the victim had none. By this twisted logic, being a victim must automatically make you good, right?

We see this attitude in the wider sphere as well. Think, for instance, about words such as "martyr" and their connection to sainthood. A saint is a person who's higher in the "goodness" echelon than other people. How many times have we heard others voice admiration for someone with a great capacity for suffering? "Oh, she's a saint! She's put up with sooo much." This is not to take away from the suffering and sacrifices that the righteous undergo. However, please note: Suffering and sacrifice, in and of themselves, do not make you a good person. Being good is a much complicated gig than that.

On some level, the un-evolved Plutonian utterly believes that there are only two horrible choices: Siding with the victim or the executioner. This is a total distortion of reality. The only reason the Plutonian does not question it is because it's the only world he knows. Also, he's been indoctrinated -- whether by the State or at his father's knee--, that if he lets himself be abused, he is being good.

But this is just a lie. It feels true only because we've lived in it for so long. If you've lived in Antarctica and that's all you know, the Caribbean seems like a ridiculous delusion. By the same token, if you find yourself reliving abusive scenarios, you must first question what seems to you like an incontrovertible truth. And this is hard because, now how are you supposed to navigate reality?

If you want to break out of it:

Start with a short description of your dilemma. Write it down. It could be as simple as: "A good friend answers the phone when she should be sleeping".
Whatever your dilemma is, question what you take as gospel. Do you have a black and white notion of it?
Is it related to an image of yourself that you're attached to? For instance: "I am a good person, therefore if I don't listen to a friend sob on the phone for three hours every night, I am bad." It sounds ridiculous when you see it so starkly, right?
The more you resist the idea that your notion is wrong, the surer you can be you've hit pay dirt.

Opening yourself up to other possible solutions is the first step to liberation.

Practical Magic - Saturn in Libra and Lessons in the Art of Negotiation

2011-11-02T10:42:00.001-04:00

Do you spend a lot of time reading about astrological transits? Have you ever asked yourself, What do I do with this knowledge? In an effort to put astrology to good, everyday use, I am starting a new section called Practical Magic, in which I will endeavor to bring you actual, practical tools to help you navigate life according to the transits.

Saturn is currently in the sign of Libra, which rules diplomacy, beauty, and, yes, negotiation. Saturn is known as well as the planet that teaches us our most difficult lessons. So, it's a perfect time to redefine what negotiation means and to learn how to do it better. I offer you Slate's Negotiation Academy Podcast series. Hope you enjoy it!

Today's Link - Sasstrology's Podcast for the Week of October 31, 2011

2011-10-30T10:31:00.000-04:00

Guess what I'm listening to right now? That's right, Sasstrology.com's Astrology Rocks! Podcast for the coming week.

Jeffrey Kishner and the adorable Michelle Piller talk you through the week's major transits. Oh and Happy Halloween, guys!

Jupiter in Taurus Trines Pluto in Capricorn - Enough With the Bad News!

2011-10-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

I've written a lot about the conflict between Pluto in Capricorn and Uranus in Aries: disruption, acts of rebellion, power struggles, violence, etc. How about some good news for once? Today Jupiter in Taurus is in a beautiful harmonic aspect to Pluto. The Ancients called Jupiter the Greater Benefic -- sounds pretty nice, huh?

Taurus and Capricorn are earth signs. The earth signs are interested in reality and in taking practical steps to make things happen. They're not the kind of people who think, "It's the thought that counts." You want to show an earth sign your appreciation? Show them the money. If you say that you're sending good vibes their way, they'll just roll their eyes. Thankfully, that also means you can depend on them. When the proverbial shit hits the fan, they might not know what to say, but they'll show up and do whatever needs to get done. Virgo will clean your house, Taurus will give you a loan, and Capricorn will teach you how to fish so you won't end up depending on him forever.

So, how to use this to your benefit? By plugging away at your pet project. If you don't have one, now's a good time to start it. (Be warned, though: Jupiter in Taurus likes its sweets, so it might not be the best time to start that diet!) Capricorn excels at working hard, and this is doubly so when placed in Pluto. It's also a good time for business deals, since Taurus and Capricorn are money signs. Anything you do to get grounded will pay off in dividends!

Pluto and Jupiter are two very powerful planets, so when they're in a trine, --meaning they're 120 degrees apart--, they easily see eye to eye. They're probably having a banquet right now, laughing, slapping each other on the back, and about to order dessert. Jupiter is currently retrograde, so don't let the fact that you don't see immediate results fool you. This deal will be clinched -- likely with some fine Cuban cigars--, and it will be sweet indeed once Jupiter goes direct at the end of December. You just keep your head down, and work toward your goal every day till then. Now hop to it!

What pet projects have you been plugging away at?

Pluto and The Path of Internal Empowerment

2011-10-26T13:16:00.003-04:00

Following up on yesterday's post about empowering yourself: What if there's nothing you can do to change the situation at the moment?

First: Check to see if there's truly nothing you can do, or if what's stopping you from taking action is a preconceived notion of the ideal situation. For instance, my routine is: Wake up, have coffee, work out, take shower, get to work. Except that this morning there was no water, hence no shower. The truth is, I've trained myself to believe that I can't work until I've had my shower. Here's the thing: I just wasted 2 hours feeling cranky instead of writing, all because I waited for the water to come back on. How idiotic is that? And yet, we do this to ourselves all the time, over much more significant things. You want to write a book and you keep postponing it until the day when you will have enough time to write for four hours straight in your own cozy little home office. Toni Morrison wrote her early books on her commute. I don't know Ms. Morrison, but I doubt she was masochistic enough to have a four-hour train ride each way. Regardless, I'm sure writing longhand amid a sea of cranky commuters was not ideal. Guess what? On this planet conditions are rarely perfect. Ditch the ideal and you eliminate the obstacle. (I still haven't showered today. Sorry for the TMI, I'm just trying to make a point.)

Second: Okay, but I've tried everything and there really IS nothing I can do. Let us say, for instance, that you are stuck with a crazy boss. You've papered every headhunter in town with your resume, trawl Monster dot com for openings as soon as you get home, talked to HR to get you transferred, harassed people on LinkedIn to the point where they're blocking your emails... And nothing doing. This IS frustrating. Persistence is a major component of my personality, so I can relate. One result of all this frustration is to begin to doubt yourself: What is wrong with me that no one wants to hire me? What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently? Is it possible that my crazy boss is right? And down the chute of despair we go. So how do you take back your power in this situation? By letting go. Acknowledge you're blocked. I know that sounds so Zen, you want to punch me. (No Nirvana for you!) But in this case, focusing on results is resulting in helplessness. This is the Path of Internal Empowerment, believe it or not, since you are not letting something beyond your control dictate how you perceive yourself. Sometimes there are reasons for us to be stuck and it's this same paralysis that will lead to our true power. This is subtle, I know, so let's explore it some more with some stories from my personal files.

I happen to have a Moon Pluto opposition squaring my Venus. This is known as a t-square. This configuration often results in power struggles. Squares manifest as external conflicts -- we repeatedly encounter people who block our plans or projects. The truth is the real root of the conflict is internal. In other words, it begins inside our minds. These conflicts often made me doubt myself and my perception of reality ("Are they crazy or am I?").

Some years ago, I was working for a group of people who were, shall we say, challenging. One of my tasks was to update a series of complicated spreadsheets and hand them in on time. Not only was it difficult to input all the data and keep the info up to date, once I handed the reports in, my bosses would change the format. One week they wanted bold headlines with a baby blue background and the latest sales figures on the right side. The next week they wanted the headlines in italic on a yellow background, and no actual sales, only projected sales.

What was even more crazy-making, though, was that instead of acknowledging that they'd changed their minds about the format, they would act as if they had already told me about the changes the week before. "Remember we told you we wanted 18 point Courier as the new font, don't you remember?" And with smug superiority, they'd look at me as if I had strolled into the office in her jammies with rollers in her hair. Or as if I spent my idle hours posting about how aliens influenced the last election. Needless to say, this drove me even crazier. "I'm working my ass off for these fuckers, but no matter what I do, they think I suck at my job and that I'm losing my marbles!"

Needless to say, I started a job search. And it was fruitless. I was even considering quitting my job and cashing out my 401(k). I consulted my excellent Tarot reader and she told me that I was meant to stay in this job. I got The Hanged Man, greater wisdom achieved through voluntary, purposeful sacrifice. If there is ever a card that encapsulates letting go in order to achieve the Internal Path of Empowerment, it's The Hanged Man.

Eventually, I had a flash of insight: I did suck at my job, at least as the crazy bosses saw it, which was to read their minds and satisfy their ever-changing whims. Anyone would suck at that, because it is impossible. Yet, instead of acknowledging that I was dealing with the modern equivalent of the Queens of Hearts, I was letting their distorted perception of me influence my reality. Definitely disempowering! I took my first step in the Path of Inner Empowerment: I began acknowledging that they were the ones that were making crazy demands, hence I was not the lunatic. And when I would implement their whimsical changes to the report as best as I could, without complaint and without taking it personally. I would do the best I could and not drive myself nuts about the mistakes that would naturally occur when an Excel spreadsheet gets changed ten times at the last minute.

The more I let go, the better I got at dealing with one of my lifelong struggles: difficult people and toxic situations. Now it's one of my talents. Once I mastered it, strangely enough, I found that I had to deal with them less and less. They just don't come into my life as much, weirdly enough. Probably because I recognize them at the outset and refuse to engage with them.

So, to go back to those times when there is nothing you can do: Empower yourself by acknowledging the truth about being stuck. Accepting it humbly will lead to the paradigm shift that is sure to release you.

The Plutonian Dilemma: Owning vs. Abusing Your Power

2011-10-25T13:01:00.003-04:00

Abby and Helen were co-workers. Every day, without fail, Helen approached Abby to discuss how they would spend their lunch hour. Invariably, all plans revolved around Helen's agenda. Abby would nod with a tight smile. As soon as Helen walked away, Abby's shoulders would slump and her demeanor would turn to dread. One day Abby broke the news that Helen had quit.

"I couldn't stand having lunch with her! I didn't know what to do, so I prayed to God that he'd release me," said Abby, who was very religious. "And he answered my prayers!"

Well, great. But wouldn't it have been easier to turn Helen down?

"Oh, she wouldn't have liked that!"

Now, Helen was not Abby's boss. They were not even in the same department! It's not like she had to kiss Helen's butt or she'd lose her job. Abby let Helen monopolize her lunch plans for years --years!--, all because she couldn't face the disapproval.

And all Abby had to do was say no.

We've all been in Abby's shoes at one time or another. If you're particularly codependent, those are the only shoes you own. If you simmer with constant resentment because you're always running errands for others, and giving up time, money, and energy on others' projects at the expense of your own, guess what? No matter how powerful or forceful these people might be, you're the one handing off your sense of agency. It's time to own your power.

If you've got a strong natal Pluto, this is not so simple. Pluto can be vindictive and underhanded. Its ideas are black and white: One person is the winner, the other the loser. When an unevolved Plutonian perceives itself as powerless, it resorts to manipulation. So, one solution to Abby's dilemma would be to get even by, say, talking behind Helen's back. Or even by making up stories about her, or sabotaging her position in the company in order to get her fired. These are extreme strategies, of course, and they're usually undertaken only when the Plutonian feels particularly threatened. And Pluto can indeed be very psychic. However, Pluto can also just be plain paranoid. And vindictiveness and paranoia are a pretty destructive combo.

The other problem is that these tactics always backfire. This is what makes Pluto so very frustrating, especially if it's making a square or opposition to one of your personal planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, Mercury). Yet an evolved Pluto is an agent of transformation and can lead to your ultimate empowerment -- provided you always act ethically and take responsibility.

So how to own your power? I've created a handy flowchart:

Is there anything you can do in this situation? I'm talking about above-board solutions, now. No pinning "kick me" signs on someone's back, or offering them laxative-laced cookies. If you're convinced that there isn't a solution, check if you're fooling yourself with this simple acid test:

Do you find yourself complaining about this situation all the time to everyone BUT the person involved? Be truthful now. This will clinch it:

Whenever people offer possible solutions, do you counter with "Yes, but"? This is your big fat clue that you are voluntarily handing over your power. Unless you're a child soldier in the Sudan, or a child bride in Afghanistan, or a sex slave in Chinatown, unless you are chained to a radiator in someone's cellar -- don't kid yourself: YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS.

If there is a solution, but you're not implementing it, what's stopping you? Is it that:

The solution entails doing something unpleasant, such as working your tail off?If this is the only thing that's stopping you, consider yourself lucky! The answer is simple: Start working your tail off. Congrats on getting off easy!
The solution entails pissing someone off? This one is a bit more challenging. Ask yourself:

Is the person your boss or someone with power over you? If yes:

Is this person asking you to do something stupid? Consider the possibility that a combination of tact and honesty might work. Approach him or her as humbly as possible, but do try this first. If he or she still won't budge, consider that there might be hidden reasons for the recalcitrance like, say, HER boss being stupid. In which case, just do the stupid thing. ("But, Marly, isn't that giving up my power?" I'll address that in tomorrow's post.)
Is this person demanding you do something dangerous, unethical, or illegal? This one can be tough, especially if it's your boss. The economy sucks, I know. But people still get hired every day. No matter how challenging, start a job search, after calling the authorities. If that doesn't work, being unemployed is scary, no doubt. However, it is infinitely less terrifying than a stint on Riker's Island.

Is the person an unreasonable adult brat (like your centenarian Uncle Joe), or any other kind of emotional monster? There's a reason for Caller ID. Yes, yes, I know. The rest of the family will act appalled that you're not picking up his calls or inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner. Let them. They're just jealous you had the balls to refuse to deal with him.

You're protecting someone from the consequences of their actions? Lots of people are very confused about this one, especially when it comes to friends and family. You really love the person, but you don't want her to get hurt, or "upset" her. However, if her actions affect others, even if it's just you, shielding her makes you an accomplice in injustice. Why? Because by running interference, you are training her to act badly. Today it's you, tomorrow it might be others. You don't have the right to do that. Yes, yes, yes, you love her. She's your only child/mother/spouse. But your "protectiveness" is putting her misbehavior above everyone else's welfare. And that ain't right.

There is nothing you can do to change the situation at the moment. This one deserves its own post. Know this, however: By acknowledging the reality of what you can and cannot do at the moment, even if it's just to yourself, you are already greatly empowering yourself. After all, the road to freedom always begins with an internal shift that eventually leads to a new perspective.

How to take back power when there's nothing you can do? Some thoughts in the next post.

Sasstrology's Astrology Rocks Podcast!

2011-10-24T08:52:00.003-04:00

I love podcasts. There are times when my eyes are tired from looking at a computer screen and I can't watch TV or read, but I still want to be entertained or informed. The perfect remedy? Podcasts!

And every week, I listen to Jeffrey Kishner and Michelle Piller's Astrology Rocks! Podcast. They do what I don't do here: Have an in-depth discussion of the week's transits. This week they talk about the New Moon in Scorpio, coming to you on Wednesday.

So there you go, guys! I highly recommend it.

Uranus in Aries vs. Pluto in Capricorn -- The Chickens Come Home to Roost

2011-10-22T11:11:00.000-04:00

You all know by now that Pluto is in Capricorn in the heavens, squaring Uranus in Aries. Pluto, as I've mentioned here before, is the planet of transformation and regeneration, but it also highlights power issues, both in the positive sense, harnessing your gifts and talents, and in the negative, such as abuse of power and controlling others. If you have Pluto aspecting your personal planets, (ie, your Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars), power may be something you're confused about, especially if a challenging aspect is involved.

This is not just due to dysfunctional families or childhood trauma, by the way. Human societies throughout history have had a very corrupt notion of what true power is. We regard it as a tool to get others to do what we want, both on a global scale ("How can I get my fellow North Koreans to worship me?"), and on the private one ("How do I get my spouse to mow the lawn/let me watch porn all weekend/let me charge thousands in shoes/what have you?").

Our notions about power are all based around getting others to kowtow to our own private plans and agendas. It's terrifically annoying that they too have their own private plans and agendas. So we devise tools, techniques, or strategies such as nuclear weapons, reverse psychology, seduction, blackmail, etc. This definition of power is corrupt not only because it's based solely on selfish goals, but because it necessarily sets up an imbalance. The improper use of Pluto is a direct route to destruction.

It is a universal law that all unjust systems are unstable, and sooner or later must and will be destroyed. Whether this occurs after a millenia or merely decades of tyranny, whether by direct or indirect means, the oppressed eventually get wise, rise up, and rebel. And usually it's not a pretty end for the original top dog. The more tightly he grips those reins, the more violent his demise will be. Witness, for instance, the very different ends of Mubarak and Qaddafi. At the beginning, one refused to acquiesce control until he came to the very sensible conclusion that he was up against a much greater force, the righteous rage of the Egyptian people. He saw it best to step down of his own accord, even if it sure as hell was not his preferred exit strategy. Not so for the latter, who vowed to fight until the bitter, gruesome end. Reuters serves up a quintessentially Plutonian news quote about Qaddafi's death:

A local military commander in the city of Misrata, where the force which captured him took his body, said "over-enthusiastic" fighters took matters into their own hands when they came face to face with the man they despise.

"We wanted to keep him alive but the young guys, things went out of control," he said speaking on condition of anonymity.

Using your power to control another is a surefire way of getting your comeuppance in the end. People are funny. They like to feel in control of their own lives. For a while they will play along by your rules, don't get me wrong. But with the current transit of Uranus, planet of freedom, in the self-directed warrior planet of Aries, people are going to rebel against any unjust power structure. Oh and Uranus acts swiftly and suddenly, so we're going to see situations do a 180 in two seconds flat. (If the power brokers don't start taking the OccupyWallStreeters seriously soon, things might take an unexpectedly violent turn.)

This is going to hit home on a personal level as well, so don't think you're free and clear just because you're not a demagogue, or the head of a global corporation. You might, for instance, be withholding sex from your partner so that s/he does your bidding; in which case don't be surprised if you come home one day to find that s/he's run away with the neighbor, and filed for divorce. Or you might be especially gifted at persuading your boss to cover up your errors. Start coming clean and taking responsibility, or you might go into work at nine, get a pink slip at noon, and find yourself begging for change on the commute home.

Control can come in subtler and seemingly friendly ways too. Have you ever found yourself unaccountably frustrated and resentful of someone's stream of unsolicited advice and constant helpfulness? Ever ask yourself: "S/he means well, so why this urge to kick him or her in tuchus?" It's because on some level, s/he's sending you the message that you cannot run your own life without him or her. Since life is full of challenges, this covert message is extremely disempowering. It's also a total lie. We all have access to our inner guides, provided we're willing to face reality and own our power.

So as long as Pluto in Capricorn and Uranus in Aries face off, make sure that you're using your power ethically. This is particularly true in relationships, thanks to Saturn in Libra. Remember, Saturn is all about doing the right thing, even if it hurts.

If you don't know where to start, look for people or situations that make you angry, even if the cause is mysterious. If everything looks hunky-dory, but people are acting pissed off for some unfathomable reason, it's time to examine yourself. Whether you're aware of it or not, you've got control issues. Clean up your act soon, before things reach a boiling point.

The reverse is also true: This transit is the perfect time to examine the part that you play in your own helplessness. Is someone really controlling you or are you giving your power away? If so, it's your responsibility to take it back.

So how do you really own your power? I'll examine that in the next post.

Could Your Fatal Flaw Be Your Secret Weapon?

2011-10-21T13:42:00.001-04:00

If there's an aspect of my personality that I've always hated, it's my intensity. I thought about when I first got complaints about it, and I realized that it was when my mother married my stepfather. See, I used to be the kid who asked questions, especially if things seemed "off", or something didn't make sense.

Now, I imagine that for a very young man like my stepfather, going from being single to being the father of two girls, one of whom was constantly putting you on the spot, well, that must've been tough. It must've been irritating, especially because it reminded you of how hard this new parenting gig was, and thus of all your shortcomings. So the obvious solution was to get me to pipe down.

It took many years, but eventually I got the message. Asking questions when something was off-kilter made him angry, which made him lash out and punish me. After a while, I equated being inquisitive with being unlovable. It took me many many years to see the truth: He couldn't deal with it so he made me the weirdo! But when I disconnected my intensity and inquisitiveness for the sake of being loved, I got into a lot of trouble. I didn't ask questions that I needed to ask, such as, "Why are you demanding a large sum of money when I don't owe you anything?" or "Why are you forging my signature?" These were situations in which being intensely inquisitive would've come in handy.

I hear people complain about what makes them unlovable and sometimes the problem is that they're seeing this quality through distorted lenses -- other people's distorted lenses. They've gotten the idea that this trait is bad because they've hung out with people for whom that trait is unacceptable. They can't deal with it, so they make that person the bad guy. It's like being an opera singer in a punk rock band. She's always going to wonder what's wrong with her. After all, if everyone is rolling their eyes, then she must be the problem, right?

Yet I've discovered that some people really dig my intensity. There were teachers who went out of their way to praise it and cultivate it. I have friends who gravitated toward me precisely because I call people out on their bullshit. They don't want me to shut up and be a boring little geisha, they want to hear my opinions, whether or not they agree with them!

This is not to say that my intensity is an unalloyed strength, and that I should run rough-shod over people regardless of the consequences. I'm not banging on my chest, demanding, Accept me as I am or beat it! Rather, I'm acknowledging that this is a key aspect of my personality, one that I can modulate to an extent, yes, but that I can't eradicate completely without inflicting major damage to myself. I know because I've tried and it nearly killed me. As such, I have to accept it and make sure that I only hang with people who can accept it as well, without making it out like there's something inherently wrong with me just because they're uncomfortable.

Ever try to erase an essential aspect of yourself, just to put others at ease? Does Pluto make an aspect to your Venus?

Today's Link - The Power of Bad Feelings

2011-10-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

Page of Cups composite from the fabulous blog Tarot Teachings

I once read a story about a woman who could not feel any pain. The pain receptors in her brain were literally malfunctioning, so that putting her hand on a hot burner, for instance, felt as if she were setting it on leather. Of course, she was constantly breaking bones, burning herself, and getting stitches. She wasn't a masochist, none of it was on purpose, but her pain mechanism just wasn't sending her the messages she needed in order to survive.

In our culture, there's tremendous pressure to always be happy. We categorize feelings into two sets: the good ones, like joy, optimism, inspiration; and the bad ones, like anger, jealousy, fear. This would be fine if feelings were like clothing. In spite of differing aesthetics, there are some items that definitely favor some people, and others that are just downright fugly. And while you can choose your feelings, yes, I'd like to suggest a different perspective. Feelings are messages expressly composed for you and only you.

Did you ever have someone tell you that no one "makes" you feel anything, you're the one who's letting that person get to you? This is only partially correct. Guess what? If someone gives you the heebie-jeebies, or irritates you, or is always putting you down, that negative feeling is telling you this dude is bad for you. Don't be so quick to crumple up a letter just because you don't like the content!

Nadja Geipert's tells us how to empower ourselves by acknowledging them in her post, 3 Steps to Unlock the Power of Bad feelings:

Thousands of books, seminars and advice columns are dedicated to promoting the idea that to find happiness, we have to fight bad feelings. I'm not the first to point out that this approach is futile. Years of research strongly suggest that emotions are adaptations that serve a fundamental purpose to our survival. We can't will them away anymore than the urge to eat or sleep. They inform us about what's good for us and what (or whom) we should steer clear off.

Trust me. With a Pisces Moon that's always eager to look at the pinkest version of reality, looking at the not-so-pretty picture was a real challenge for me. I fought with myself about accepting that when I felt blue and angry, it was not necessarily my own negative perspective, but a neon sign flashing that I needed to discard frenemies, stand up for myself, and listen to my hunches. Facing the dark side of reality is so much more empowering!

Have any personal stories about a positive use of a negative emotion?

Jupiter vs. Saturn - Who's the Better Teacher?

2011-10-19T13:17:00.000-04:00

There's a Jewish custom for the first time a child learns his ABC's (or rather, his alef-beit-gimmel's). The teacher will hand the child a sheet with each letter printed on it, and there's a drop of honey next to each character. As the child learns each letter, he stops, smears the honey on his fingertip, and tastes it. This way he'll discover that learning is sweet.

In astrology, Saturn is known often thought of as the great teacher. It is the planet of discipline, obstacles, hard work. All challenges you encounter, along with the great rewards, are associated with this planet. Saturn isn't fun; if anything, when you encounter it, you're likely to go through a long, grueling grind of hard work. In the end, Saturn rewards you not just with lessons, but with the righteous prize for all that hard labor. The idea is that you only learn through difficulty, even pain.

Not to knock down discipline and hard work, but the notion that pain is the best route to learning has never sat well with me. To be blunt, it rankles the crap out of me. I associate learning with joy, delight, discovery -- in short, with anything that expands my horizons, widens my perspective, and fills me with optimism. These words are associated with Jupiter, a different kind of teacher.

Jupiter is the coach who excites you. He gives you a pep talk so invigorating that, before you know it, you find yourself running 6 miles in what feels like two minutes flat. While Saturn sets limits, Jupiter is intent on pushing you past them. Saturn keeps you grounded, Jupiter wants you to reach for the stars. However, Jupiter can also mean excess, so even if it's not keen for discipline, don't underestimate its staying power. A Jovian approach to knowledge can also mean such exuberant energy that you find yourself practicing dance steps for five hours straight, only to collapse in a heap of exhaustion the minute the music stops.

It seems to me that a lot of people take Saturn's teaching methods way more seriously than Jupiter's. "All Saturn, all the time" reminds me of that trope Jack Nicholson's types in The Shining: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." And you all know what happened to Jack in the end.

The honey example is particularly apt for the current transit of Jupiter in Taurus, a sign that loves sweet and rich foods. Are you having a hard time learning something? Make it a game, and make sure you reward yourself in the end. (I suggest ice cream.) Is your kid struggling with a subject? See if Google can provide a fun didactic solution. Instead of chiding and shoulding, try levity.

It might also be a perfect time to explore what your creature comforts are. They're necessary too, especially in these stressful times. Maybe with Jupiter retrograde in easy-going Taurus, we're meant to learn this lesson from Martha Beck: "Every scary obstacle is just an invitation to relax."

What are your favorite fun methods to learn something?

Certainty is Your Enemy

2011-10-18T11:06:00.001-04:00

About a month ago I hit a creative wall and found myself at a loss on a project. Now, this is something for which I have tremendous passion, to which I've devoted many years of my life, and taken many risks. And I was at a total standstill. None of my usual methods revved up my engine. By chance, last week I got an email in my inbox with an offer of a conference call that would give in-depth knowledge about how to handle this very creative block -- for FREE. I figured there was a catch and more than likely the call wouldn't give me much information, but hey, I was really blocked and besides, it was free. So, although it was at a very inconvenient time, I signed up.

There were technical difficulties and so I didn't hear the class. I was somewhat annoyed, but I let it go since I wasn't expecting much to begin with. Then the call was rescheduled for the following day and although I had already made plans, I cancelled them, on the off-chance that I'd learn at least one little nugget.

The class turned out to be utterly amazing. It ran three hours and was so in-depth that I would've paid good money for that kind of insight. And this is after years of being trained in this endeavor, taking workshops and courses, and even getting a Master's degree. In short, the result was completely unexpected and, what's more, it cost me nothing but time and the corresponding cellphone minutes.

In my life, I've been the beneficiary of many many freebies, the majority of which came in some form that looked totally unlikely. For instance, I once filled out a flimsy little card that looked like those magazine subscription forms that fall out of magazines. Despite its humble appearance, it was an application for a test that would lead to a full four-year tuition to art school. I checked a little box about a subject that seemed like a long-shot. All my friends told me that was dumb. I shrugged, and figured I'd do some research and if I didn't get it, well, what did I have to lose? Well, that uninspiring little card got me an education in a field that had always fascinated me, it led to meeting lifelong friends, and it set the entire course of my life.

A more cynical person would've said, "There must be a catch, this sounds too good to be true, so I'm not even wasting my time." That's not an entirely unreasonable thought, by the way. But that cynic would've missed out on a lot.

I have also been guilty of that view and I've missed out some golden opportunities. (Some of which I'm still kicking myself for!)

You see, sometimes the Universe hands out freebies.

But, like the New York State Lotto ad states, "You gotta be in it to win it." You want to know how to get it? Be willing to go in without knowing the outcome from the get-go. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't, but don't dismiss something out of hand, just because there are no guarantees, or because it looks uninspiring. What I am saying is: Suspend disbelief.

This doesn't mean that you suspend your brain, by the way. I'm not an advocate of blind faith, "everything will work out beautifully if you dream it". If the guy who offered that conference call had requested the digits to my bank account, or if my school had asked for my parents' social security numbers and dates of birth, then that would've clued me in that this was no freebie but a scam.

So go in, but keep telling yourself this: Maybe yes, maybe no. If it's no, at some point there'll be a red flag, at which point you must get out. But don't swat away the unexpected blessings and gifts the Universe wants to bestow upon you, just because something comes in a plain vanilla wrapping.

Have you ever batted away a gift that fell into your lap, due to its unassuming appearance?

Some Thoughts On Relationships - Aries vs. Libra

2011-10-14T15:43:00.002-04:00

I got this card the other day and what immediately came to mind was how often we fall into the trap of thinking that only one version or opinion is definitive. For instance, sometime ago, some friends of mine hosted a dinner party. They're a married couple and, like a lot of my friends, amazing hosts. He brought up the fact that she didn't like potlucks.

"She thinks that the proper thing to do is if we're hosting, we should prepare everything and not expect our friends to bring anything," he said. He then rolled his eyes an added, "I think that's ridiculous and that the right way to have a big dinner party is to ask people to contribute.

She smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I feel that if we're inviting people, we shouldn't put them out."

They went on to debate this and finally asked us, "What do you think is the right approach?"

I told them that it depended. There are times when it's lovely to go to a party in which the hosts provide everything, but, on the other hand, there are occasions when it is perfectly acceptable and fun to have a potluck. As long as the guests know what to expect, everything was fine.

I was a little puzzled by the need to establish only one right answer, yet it's something people often do when they couple up. One person does things one way, the other person does things a totally different way, and they argue over who's right. Some people take it to extremes, where they sacrifice their individuality for the sake of the relationship. In essence, this is the Aries/Libra dichotomy: Aries rules the self, the individual, self-interest; while Libra rules compromise, partnership, diplomacy. These signs are in opposition, meaning that they're exactly 180 degrees apart. The term "opposition" already shows a conflict, as if you couldn't have aspects of both signs at the same time.

But the gift of The Lovers is precisely that it is only through relationships that we get an opportunity to see a different approach. When I say relationship, I am not talking only about romantic relationships, and certainly there are readings in which this card appears with a message that has nothing to do with love, but rather the potential for a mutually beneficial partnership. The Lovers may challenge you to widen your perspective, to tamp down your need to be right and make someone else wrong, so that you can come together for a unified goal. Yes, you may get different things out of the relationship, but each person can also get exactly what he or she needs -- precisely because each person is an individual, with different needs and wants. Be open to the possibility that the scales can be balanced and maybe even that two totally different viewpoints can coexist.

Getting Out of a Rut - a Quick & Dirty Rule

2011-10-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

I read recently that a rule of engineering is that all solutions have trade-offs. Some are better than others, but there's no such thing as a perfect solution without unintended consequences. I mention this because whenever I see someone who's in a rut, the real problem is that the person is paralyzed because s/he seems to want an ideal, magical solution without any painful consequences. And a lot of times the "painful consequence" involves our worrying about other people's feelings, opinions, and reactions to our choices.

Let's take an example: On Saturday morning, your sister calls you to to babysit her five kids that night. Not only do you hate babysitting, you had already told your girlfriends you'd hang out with them. Even though this is not the first time she's asked you for a huge favor at the last minute, you say yes. After all, she's going to be mad if you say no! So you go over to her house, fuming the whole time, because now your girls are pissed that you've broken your plans, and you're angry that you've been "forced" to disappoint them, that you're spending your Saturday night taking care of your five bratty nieces and nephews instead of flirting with the hot guys from the firehouse. Besides, you have a very real hunch that Sis asked you to babysit so that she can go down to the bar herself and pick up that cute fireman whose pecs are featured prominently in the November layout. Why does this always happen to you?

She doesn't even take you seriously (which pisses you off even more!). You wish there were a way to refuse her, without getting her angry at you. You know what? It ain't gonna happen.

The trade-off of you telling her no is:

Her anger,
Her having to take care of her own kids, for once,
You having fun, just like all the other single, childless women out there.

The trade-off of you telling her yes when you want to say no, is:

Everyone else angry at you,
You taking care of what is really her responsibility,
You reinforcing her belief that others will take care of her duties so she doesn't have to,
You skipping out on your life for her sake,
You brooding at the unfairness of it all and becoming a bitter bitch.

Either way? There's an unpleasant trade-off. That's life. On the other hand, option A at least has you living your life, enjoying the freedom afforded by the choices you made. It is not perfect, but the payoff is huge. Option B's payoff is you feeling like a good girl, but really being a sucker.

Railing about the injustice of having to put up with your sister's sense of entitlement won't get you out of your rut. Accept that there will always be a trade-off and that if you want a change, you're going to have to do something differently than what you've done. And then do it.

The Merry-Go-Round of Blame

2011-10-07T10:54:00.002-04:00

Photo by Susan Rosin

On my last post about setting yourself up for failure, I mentioned that the best way of getting out of negative pattern is to accept that you have a part in creating the situation. Karina commented that:

I consider myself a fighter, but these past months I've been in the victim side. I blame me for putting myself in that situation, then I feel it was not my fault... and blame him and others. I go back and forth with these angry/frustrating/mad/sad feelings. ... I have been working on letting those negative feelings go and accept, but just when I think I have crossed the line... I see myself back again.

Oh, yes, I know that back and forth well! I'm very familiar with the whole slew of emotions triggered by destructive patterns. Here's my response to Karina:

I find that the solution is to not blame anyone, but rather to detach, as if you were trying to solve a puzzle. When I say take responsibility for your part in it, I don't mean to beat yourself up, or criticize yourself. I mean: Step back and see what you can do to change a dynamic. This is why detachment is crucial, because the more emotion we stir up around the problem, the more we muddy up the waters, so to speak. Think of it as if you were a detective, trying to solve a crime, and, yes, you're involved, but if you step out of the situation, and see yourself as if from the outside, you might hit upon an insight that will slowly slowly lead you to the answer.

I wanted to expand on that, hence this post. Karina reminded me that I hadn't discussed a very important aspect of changing a pattern: Our natural human tendency to want to blame someone.

Imagine that you and your friends go on a day trip in the Arizona desert. When you're ready to get back, the guy driving mishears the directions and takes the wrong turn. Unfortunately, your car gets stuck in the mud and no matter how hard you all push, it won't budge. It's already late afternoon, and you know that the desert is dangerous at night. It's not just the cold you have to worry about, there are also all kinds of violent criminals who cross under cover of night. Tense and distraught, you and your friends begin to argue about whose fault it is that you're in such dire straits. As you talk it over, you realize that the directions were wrong in the first place. The website that generated them hadn't been updated in years! You point fingers at the girl who printed them, but how was she to know that? So now everyone blames you because it was your idea to take a day trip to begin with.

It gets so bad that it comes to blows. In the ensuing melee, one plastic bottle of precious water gets spilled. And while you all are intent on figuring out precisely who is responsible for this mess, the sun is setting and time's a wasting.

Here's the thing: Even if you were to find one person who's ultimately responsible for this perfect storm, what are you going to do? Put him in jail? You'd still be in the middle of a hot, dangerous desert with now way out. Due to the emotions involved, no one can think straight, much less collaborate with each other in order to find your way out.

Such is the problem with trying to assign blame in the middle, or in the aftermath of a crisis. Ever notice how blame always picks ONE person or group? It's the Jews' fault. No, it's the Arabs'. Blame is always very black and white!

In the real world, things are not that simple. Horrible things happen through an accumulation of bad judgment, natural human carelessness, and utterly random events. Blame solves absolutely nothing. The situation is still bad, and likely getting worse.

If you keep reenacting a destructive rut, you keep getting yourself stuck in the wilderness. To dismantle the mechanism that puts you there, detach from your rage as if you were a detective solving a mystery (it is a mystery at first, after all!), and take responsibility for your part, and your part only.

There is a big difference between taking responsibility and taking the blame. In taking responsibility you are saying, "This keeps happening to me. I am the common denominator here. Let me analyze what I'm doing (or not doing)." This doesn't mean that the other party doesn't have a part in this. This doesn't mean that you're all wrong and that s/he's absolved! You have no control over what the other person does or doesn't do. And beating yourself up for what happened is not going to get you closer to solving this. If anything, all the guilt you stir up is going to guarantee that you stay stuck. Yet, believe me, it is much easier for you to dismantle your part in it, than getting him to change -- especially if you insist that it's all his fault!

Taking responsibility is about wanting to change the pattern and thus becoming interested in what we can actually do to change it. Blaming or taking the blame is all about being attached to that pattern and being passive in the face of it.

This is not to say that the other person is the good guy, and that you, therefore are bad. This is not to take away the real pain or anger that you've experienced. I know that your wounds are real. Accept that when the original trauma occurred, you were a helpless child. Accept that you are now an adult, and not that little kid helpless in the face of a crisis. If you want to change this pattern, you now have the resources and the ability to do it. But you and only you can do it.

Which would you rather do? The sun is setting.

Natal Squares and Setting Yourself Up for Failure

2011-10-05T12:12:00.002-04:00

I've written a lot on ruts or negative patterns. In your natal chart, these patterns often show up as squares, meaning that two planets are 90 degrees apart. This will manifest as a conflict with someone else, but, really, it all stems from inside you.

This is a very difficult thing to deal with, by the way, the idea that you are creating your own frustrating or painful reality. It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. In fact, there's something eerie about the way this conflict manifests in your life. It feels like really bad luck. And it keeps repeating, often over years. On the other hand, the fact that it keeps repeating is actually a good sign. Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But if something keeps popping up in your life, that's due to a mindset that you're communicating in very subtle ways. And if it stems from within, that means that you have control over it as well.

The root of the problem is that within you are two opposing and incorrect beliefs. The two can't coexist peacefully and that's because they're actually utterly wrong. They only seem real because when you formed that wrongheaded notion you were very small and through repetition, you actually came to believe that it was true. That's the irony.

The thing is, though, this incorrect belief leads you to set your own traps, that then reassert the supposed truthfulness of your belief, that then lead you to hold on to it even more, that then lead you to deeper frustration. This is the part that makes it feel so creepy; you are so unaware that you're putting it all into motion, that you can't even stop yourself from reenacting it.

For instance, I have abandonment issues (Venus square Pluto). When I'm in a relationship, I like to be in the communication loop (that square involves Gemini and Virgo, two signs ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication). In other words, if I don't hear from my partner, I feel abandoned. My incorrect belief holds that somehow, I believe that I can't have a long-term partnership because he'll leave or betray me at some point. The thing is, because this is a square, I myself set a trap to ensure that I will be abandoned and this happens utterly unconsciously (or actually, it used to).

So here's an example of a trap I set for myself recently. A friend and I talked about the possibility that we would see each other last week. "I should call you the day before to let you know one way or the other, right?" And I said, "Oh, you don't have to. Just as long as you call me a few hours earlier if you really are coming."

He never called. And I was upset. I would've been even more upset had I not realized that I engineered this. He wanted to give me a response one way or another, and I swatted away the possibility. If I had stood by the boundary that he himself offered, he would've been very clear about what I needed and he would've done it. I couldn't blame him.

I hear a lot of stories, sometimes over months or over years, about people's particular negative patterns. After a while, it becomes obvious to me that there's a mechanism that the affected person is putting into motion. Yet whenever I bring that up, I get an indignant response. How could I possibly say that the person has a role in this? How dare I suggest it? Can I not see that he or she is the victim here?!

Victim is the operative word. One of the ways the square operates --particularly if Pluto is a major player --, is that it neatly splits the world into two camps: victims or executioners. In this black and white mentality, if something goes wrong, SOMEONE has to take the blame. Someone is always guilty. And if there are only victims or executioners, then that automatically makes the victim the good guy, right?

So that's your first clue. If you find that there's a repeating situation in your life, (one that spans years and that plays out the same way regardless of the people involved), and you come away feeling victimized, know that you have a part in this. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am saying it to empower yourself to change the situation. You may not know how you put the trap in motion yet. It may really be a mystery.

As soon as you let go of your need to be the helpless victim, then you will get closer to owning your part in this and disassembling the machinery that keeps knocking you down. The answers will come eventually, but this is the first step.

How To Handle Difficult Emotions

2011-10-04T19:57:00.000-04:00

You don't need me to tell you that this is a time of upheaval and crisis. We're all getting pushed on many fronts simultaneously. When we're under such tremendous pressure, it's understandable if we get flooded with fear, anger, rage, outrage, indignation, helplessness, and doubt.

Times like these are tailor-made for Tarot, right? After all, you need clarity, and on lots of issues at once! And you need it now! I've had the experience of people coming to me with a lot of urgent questions. I request that they set an intention and they give me six at once, one after the other. Personally, I don't mind. My emotions are not the issue.

The point though, at least in my experience, is that the more mental and spiritual chatter there is, the more muddled the message gets. Remember that the answers dwell in serenity. This is why meditation, dreams, and even a good night's sleep can help us solve problems that at first seemed insoluble!

So what to do when you're overwhelmed? Try this:

Take a walk. If you have to, tell your boss you're going out for a non-cigarette break. (The work breaks throughout the day are probably the reason people smoked in the first place. It's actually not a bad idea. Taking breaks, I mean. Not smoking.)
Find the nearest bit of greenery or water and fully take in your little slice of nature. Blue can actually lower your heart-rate. If there is no actual greenery around you -- if you're sojourning in the Arctic, say --, find a beautiful picture of nature and dive into it. I find this one works nicely:
Photo by Doug Ellis. Used with permission.
Stop. Don't check your email. Let the cell ring. Control the urge to do whatever it is that you're dying to do right now -- be it call a friend to vent, or mouth off whatever crosses your mind at the moment.
Breathe. Yes, I know you knew this already, but have you actually tried it? Fill your lungs with air right now, until you see your chest and belly expand. Breathe out. Now try it again.
Quiet the voices in your head. We always seem to have a little internal monologue going, and so often it's full of petty static or downright negative thoughts such as: "What if I lose my job? What if Jake doesn't call? What if I say the wrong thing at the meeting?" In fact, if you're overwhelmed, there's a very good likelihood that you have some particularly corrosive narrator picking on you right now. Shush him (or her). No words, now, just: "Shhhh". It helps if you actually wave your hand in front of you, as if you were erasing a blackboard full of obscenities.
Be present. Connect to your 5 senses. Wriggle each butt cheek and feel the hardness or softness of your seat. See if you can smell the scent of the fabric detergent on your clothes. Loosen your jaw. Hear your neighbor's chatter, the swoosh of traffic, the children playing.
Shush those internal voices again. Don't give in to their clamor.
Breathe again. Is your heart still racing? If so, breathe some more.

If you're going through a particularly stressful time, make it your business to do the above for 10 minutes every day. Unless someone next to you is actually having a heart attack, any emergency can wait for 10 minutes.

Spiritual reflection is of necessity based on active rest, not sloth. This is why there's such a thing as sitting or even walking meditation, and no one attained nirvana by running around in circles like a maniac. So take a break. Unplug. Savor this little moment right now.

There's a very high likelihood that this is not the Buddha

Pluto in Capricorn squares off Uranus in Aries. Result? OccupyWallStreet

2011-10-03T17:50:00.001-04:00

I like to take a personal approach to astrology. How are the transits affecting individuals? What are the implications for our love lives, our bank accounts, our careers, our families? But every once in a while, it pays to take a global approach.

You see, the current Pluto in Capricorn square with Uranus in Aries is not just wreaking havoc on our private lives; it's also bringing in a revolution (Uranus in Aries) against the financial establishment's power (Pluto in Cap). Interesting when you consider that Capricorn is the sign of big business, while Aries represents the individual, no?

My friend Jeffrey Kishner and I were discussing the OccupyWallStreet protests and we both admitted that we were completely unaware of them until, oh, day three and four respectively.

I would've been ashamed at my lack of ignorance, except that I wake up with NPR and have it on all day. I subscribe to NYTimes news alerts via email, and I check both the New York Times website and El País every morning. Yet I found out about the protests via Facebook, and Jeff via Twitter. Uranus rules technology, by the way, so that seems pretty appropriate. As he and I discussed our delayed knowledge of such a major event, I decided to post a poll on my Facebook wall. Sure enough, we were not alone in finding out about it somewhat late. In fact, the discussion turned to the fact that traditional media had originally suppressed or minimized the news.

One of the great things about this blog and about doing readings is that I get a broader perspective of current transits and events. My problems no longer seem so personal to me. Every day, I've been getting a perspective on others' lives and, believe me, I see how the financial crisis, the credit crunch, and the real estate meltdown affect them -- worldwide. I don't just do readings for those who live in the U.S. Everyone is getting beat up.

This Uranus/Pluto face-off is intense. These two titans were conjunct -- ie, joined forces --, from 1960 through 1972, a time of significant upheaval culturally, sexually, and, yes, even financially. Back then, people all over the world began questioning traditional ideas about racial, social, sexual, and gender equality. Tremendous strife wrought changes that irretrievably altered the way we see the world and think about social justice today. In short, when these two get together, it's as if two tectonic plates were shifting along the fault line of what we accept as true.

Now these two planets are facing off again to goad us to re-examine our conventional ideas about corporate excess and abuse of power in business and finance. You might think that these corrupt ideas originate and are perpetrated deep within the glass, steel, and concrete towers of powerful financial giants.

But the real problem originates with our society's ideas about money, business, and success. How many times have you heard the phrase, "If s/he's so smart, why isn't s/he rich"? As long as we base our value on how much money we make or how famous we are, we are perpetuating a kind of corruption, the kind that ends up giving people a sense of entitlement about ripping off others so that they can fatten their own portfolios.

Who knows? Maybe Uranus in Aries will bring on a revolution about our own sense of self.

Photo by Marc Riboud, Magnum Photos, The Human Flower Project

What do you foresee changing thanks to this square? What do you think should change?

The Gift of Pain

2011-10-02T22:00:00.000-04:00

"Think of the gift your father gave you when he abandoned you."

When I heard my first astrologer utter those words, I thought she'd gone mad. I'm a Leo, so I wasn't shy about conveying my indignation.

The Empress Jingu (c. 169-269 A.D.) leads an invasion of Korea
Library of Congress Prints Collection

"I was seven years old when I last saw him! One day, I was the apple of his eye and the next he was gone without so much as a phone call! What the hell are you talking about?!

"His abandonment made you independent, didn't it? You learned to rely on yourself."

I had never thought about it that way, but I was too pissed off at the notion to even entertain that she could be right.

Those of us who have had to deal with a particularly difficult aspect in our charts, especially if those aspects involve Pluto, will come to a pointin which we are going to be hopping mad, even enraged, at some of the painful situations we survived. And rightfully so. In order to begin to rebuild ourselves, we will stir up a lot of dark emotions.

Here's the thing, though: If we stay in the wrath too long, if we caress it as if it were a precious object, there will come a point in which we will be blind to something potentially beautiful in our lives. You might be so angry that your mother got drunk once again on your 50th birthday -- Jeezus, when will she ever grow up?! --, that you will miss your son's special rendition of Happy Birthday on electric guitar, the one he rehearsed just for you. You might be so incensed at your elderly father's flirtation with your new hot girlfriend -- damn it, must he always show you up?!--, that you might not notice that she only had eyes for you all night. Have you considered that dwelling on your ex-boyfriend's outrageous behavior might be keeping any potentially great guy at bay?

I am not arguing against you being angry. I am not one to talk about forgiveness as if it were as easy as taking a multi-vitamin. Anger can be very seductive. After all, it's energizing; it's hard to sit still when you're pissed. That's the function of anger, so that you can squash a potential threat to your survival. It's supposed to blind you, so that you'll be courageous. However, if you stay in it too long, you risk losing out on the rest of your life.

It might also blind you to the inherent gift that the setback bestowed upon you. There's a saying in astrology that the worst people have the best charts -- meaning, if there's nothing but easy aspects in your chart, you're likely to be lazy and play off your charm. Hard aspects give you grit. Obstacles build character. If you read the biographies of individuals in history who led their people through tough times, you'll find that they had to put up with some pretty harsh obstacles before rising to leadership. They knew how to handle a crisis because they had many years of arduous practice. All great leaders had a long period of being losers and failures.

In fact, it turns out that the best way of ensuring that your child will grow up to be utterly helpless and useless is to smooth everything over for him.

If you find that you've been dwelling in your wrath so long that it's become the center of your existence for far too long, here's a useful exercise: Write down three blessings brought about by whatever's pissing you off. If you're still angry, write down five. If you're fuming, go for fifteen.

Many months after that astrology session, I remembered the time that a man approached me on a dark, empty street and told me not to scream because he had a gun. I planted myself firmly against him, looked him in the eye, and talked him out of it. Do you think I could've done that if Daddy had always come through for me?

Today's Link - Taking Time Apart and Marriage Longevity

2011-09-26T11:03:00.004-04:00

As you know by now, Uranus has been in an uncomfortable alliance with Venus in Libra and Pluto in Capricorn, which means that power and control issues have been cropping up in our love relationships. But in spite of all that pressure, there is an out in the heavens: Mars, the planet of action, is in Leo and is playing nicely with Uranus, planet of freedom, in fellow fire sign Aries right now.

This week, the best way to preserve your relationship is to separate for a little while and get the ball rolling on whatever creative or athletic pursuit that draws you. A lot of us have the tendency to put our own interests on hold so that we can devote our time to someone else, be it a child, a parent, or a spouse. Ironically enough, with the current celestial influences, this sacrificial tendency (some might even say obsessiveness) might be the real reason we're having trouble in said relationship.

So, if you've been feeling jealous or possessive -- something that's apt to come up with Pluto as a major player --, instead of spending more time with the mate, go out and learn to tango. Or take that nude drawing class you've always meant to sign up for. Anything creative or physical will relieve the tension.

This may seem selfish, even counter-intuitive. But author Iris Krasnow spent two years interviewing 200 women about their marriages and wrote a book about it, due to come out in October. Her article about it in the Huffington Post shows us that pursuing your own interests can make you a happier wife:

The happiest wives have a sense of purpose and passion in work and causes outside of the home. Wives who counted on a spouse for fulfillment and sustenance were often angry and lonely. And the happiest wives don't spend a whole lot of time with their husbands. My chapter called Separate Summers is filled with women who take their own vacations, take their own summers, take charge of their own lives. Couples who allow each other to grow separately are the ones with the best chance of growing together and staying together.

If your relationship is strained, replenish it by taking a break and devoting more energy to something you're interested in. I don't care what it is, but it must be fun! This is not the time to analyze or think things through. Leo and Aries say it's time to get the ball rolling! On the heels of all that rambunctious fire energy, you're apt to feel a whole lot more optimistic and be a lot easier to live with.

What have you always meant to pursue, but kept holding off to attend to others?

Astrology in the Movies - Vertigo and Phantom Love

2011-09-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite films of all time is Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo. It's the story of Scottie, a private detective, who's hired by an acquaintance to follow his wife, Madeleine, a classy blonde. Scottie and Madeleine fall in love. But then she dies in a tragic accident and Scottie has a nervous breakdown. Several months later, after he finally recovers, he spots Judy walking down the street. She's a vulgar red-head with a propensity for cheap, tight clothing, who nevertheless bears a striking resemblance to Madeleine. After successfully wooing her, he proceeds to remake Judy into the image of his dead beloved. He takes her shopping for demure, tailored suits in neutral colors, has her wear subtler make-up, and bleach her naturally red hair into a platinum hue. When Judy returns to his place so that he can judge the transformation, it's still not enough:

I won't go into more details since this is a classic movie that everyone ought to see, but I bring it up because it is a great example of the energies in the current t-square between Venus in Libra (relationships), Pluto in Capricorn (control), and Uranus in Aries (freedom to be yourself).

The scene above is considered a cinematic masterpiece. And while Bernard Hermann's lush score, the moody lighting, and that 360 degree camera move all lend the scene a heady romantic ambiance, make no mistake. There is no real love in that room. Scottie is not passionately kissing Judy, but a figment of his imagination. The flesh and blood woman in his arms might as well be made of rags. He has erased all traces of the real Judy: her scarlet hair; her bushy eyebrows; her sensuous walk.

And yet, how many of us have used subtle or underhanded tactics to control a mate or loved one's behavior or appearance? We have all been guilty of that at one time or another. Sometimes we've done it because we overidentified with him or her and were afraid our friends or family would disapprove. I'm not saying there are not times when a little constructive criticism isn't on point.

If your dude wears the same ratty t-shirts and shorts to a formal dinner or if your gal has an unfortunate habit of burping at the end of every meal, it is a loving gesture to clue them in gently. But right now, it is nevertheless worthwhile to consider the extent to which we may control our mates purely for our own selfish ends. How loving is that, really? After all, if you make over the person you fell for, can you really say you loved him or her to begin with?

Many of us have also played Judy's role. It seems like such a small thing, to pull your hair into a bun. What's the big deal, right? This is not a sexy, one-off dress up game to please the guy she loves, though. She sacrifices her identity for the sake of being in his arms. I won't give away the plot, but Judy eventually pays a very high price for that dubious privilege. We always do when we give up our authentic selves just to please others.

How much of yourself are you giving up in order to please a lover? And if you find that you've completely lost who you are for him or her, then are you sure s/he's really in love with you? Might there be some other ghost lurking about, whether in the form of an actual person or simply in some idealized and unattainable image? Lastly, if you're too willing to sacrifice your individuality, how loving are you to yourself?

Today's Link - Crass, Crude, and Totally Dead-On

2011-09-22T16:29:00.000-04:00

I'm a little under the weather today, but in honor of Venus in Libra, I promised you a series dealing with love and relationships. I have a not-so-secret addiction to Cracked.com, so imagine my surprise to read John Cheese's five vulgar, crude, and oh-so-utterly accurate pointers about how to take your relationship to the next level.

His point about mistrust, in particular, sounds very Venus/Pluto:

I can't tell you how many friends I've seen fly into jealous fits because their wife had gone out shopping 45 minutes ago, and it normally only takes her 43 minutes. They just know she's out fucking someone else. Even after she returns with a car full of groceries and a timestamped receipt, they can just smell the extra dicks on her.

Anyway, enjoy!

Is Love Your Drug of Choice?

2011-09-21T15:46:00.001-04:00

"Whoever loves least has the upper hand."

"Falling in love gives someone else power over you."

Ever hear anything along those lines? Makes it sound like love is just another form of terrorism, don't it?

I bring this up to further our exploration of that pesky Venus-Pluto-Uranus t-square lighting up the skies. A t-square is an astrological configuration involving three planets in stressful aspect to one another. For simplicity's sake, what this means is that control issues (Pluto in Capricorn) are likely to come up regarding the need to balance love and relationships (Venus in Libra) and personal freedom (Uranus in Aries). So get ready for lots of conflict and underhanded tactics.

Die Spinne (The Spider), by I. Spiridon, 1899

Now that I've gotten that explanation out of the way, I can get down to the real purpose of this post. You see, these current interplanetary aspects provide us with the perfect opportunity to delve into any toxic ideas we may have about love, relationships, and personal freedom.

A lot of our culture's ideas about power and love are based on corrupt notions, what Martha Beck calls "spider love" in her book Steering by Starlight:

If you went into your garden, recruited a spider, and asked it, "What do you love most?" the spider might answer, "I love flies." This is true: Spiders enjoy a tasty fly the way I enjoy ice cream. And how does this love cause a spider to behave? Well, it makes a sticky web, catches flies alive, wraps them up to keep them from escaping, and keeps them there, conscious, but helpless. Then, whenever the spider needs a snack, it scurries over to the fly, injects it with venom to dissolve some of its insides, and slurps up some of its life force.

This is the way many people think of "love." They will say, in all honesty, that they love their children, their partners, their friends more than anything in the world. But their love is consumptive, not giving. They need their "loved ones" to feed them emotionally, so they imprison people, trap them in webs of obligation or guilt, paralyze them to keep them from going away. They love other people the way spiders love flies.

Before you set out to lead a relationship where conflict is occurring, remember this: The goal of real love is to set the beloved free. If someone else's "love" requires that you abandon your own soul, it's spider love. If you find yourself trying to control a loved one, you're in the spider's role. Spider love really isn't love at all but a version of fear that creates a perceived need to control.

The dark side of Venus/Pluto is all about spider love. It can also be a potent erotic aspect. Seduction, after all, is a form of control. And giving up control can be seductive in and of itself, if only because we don't have to face responsibility for our own actions. "I was drunk." "The Devil made me do it." "I don't know what got into me."

With this aspect, there is such a compulsion to be with the person you love, we say we feel drawn to him/her "like a moth to the flame". That's really a lovely, poetic way of hiding the truth, which is: That moth has no freewill. The more appropriate term is "like a zombie to his master". Less of a sexy image, but much more accurate.

The master can never be sure of the zombie's love, precisely because he is controlling him. He might look like he has power, but really he's in a very insecure position. Someone comes to you of his own accord, with complete freewill, and you can be sure that person is with you because he loves you and wants to be with you. Not because he's being forced.

On the other hand, Pluto also rules healing and transformation. Venus/Pluto gives us the opportunity to connect deeply and truly with the person we love. Because these two planets currently form a square, (i.e, conflict) this is apt to occur only after some struggle. But it IS possible, provided that you face your own fears, especially those related to abandonment. Do you think that if you let your boyfriend hang out with the guys, they'll end up in a strip club and he'll cheat on you? Are you worried that if you don't break your back making more money, your wife will leave you for a more ambitious guy? Do you feel that you cannot say no to someone because he or she will get angry and walk out? Or is everything so great, you're afraid that it cannot possibly last?

Make friends with those fears, don't load them off unto someone else. Remember what investment banks tell prospective investors: Past earnings are no indication of future profits. Just because something happened before does not mean that it is bound to recur in perpetuity. Once you own that fear and, provided you feel safe enough, share it with your loved one. Doesn't have to be a long, complicated discussion. The point is not that he or she must provide reassurance, but that s/he listens and takes it in. True intimacy requires vulnerability, but respect yourself enough to only expose your wounds to someone who's earned your trust.

What are your experiences of spider love?

Uranus - Freedom FREEDOM

2011-09-20T12:00:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I mentioned that poor sweet Venus in Libra is going to get beat up by Pluto and Uranus. I've talked a lot about Pluto on this site, so how about we pay a little attention to Uranus?

Uranus is a rebel. In its baser form, it's a rebel without a cause. It's the guy who, as he clambers onstage to receive his diploma, suddenly decides to turn around and moon everyone. It's Marlon Brando in The Wild One whose answer to the question of what he's rebelling against is: What have you got?

Uranus naturally questions social conventions, especially restrictive ones. At different times in our lives, we grit our teeth at his shenanigans or silently applaud his outbursts. Either way, Uranus doesn't care what you think. He's not looking for anyone's approval. What matters most to Uranus is freedom; freedom to live and think and love the way he wants.

In his higher incarnation, Uranus's rebelliousness has a purpose beyond his own needs and wants, however. His final aim is finding truth and justice for humanity in general. A good example is Socrates, whose philosophy and teachings were grounded around the idea of questioning the accepted norms. Is what we accept as reality actually true or does it just seem like it by virtue of everyone considering as such? Socrates' ultimate aim was not intellectual masturbation, but rather consciousness and ethical behavior. In the end, as a Uranian figure, his ideas so irritated the Athenians, that they sentenced him to death for "corrupting the youth of Athens" and "of not believing in the Gods of the state" (see Wikipedia article). This was a democratic process, by the way. Here's the thing: for all his iconoclastic views, Socrates had a deep belief in being part of a community. In his view, running away to escape death would weaken Athens. And so, he bravely stood by his principles and by the will of the people. He drank the hemlock and died.

The current configuration of Venus, Pluto and Uranus asks us to consider how we can be free AND still have a relationship. Or are you too willing to shackle yourself in a relationship by forgetting something your innermost self needs in order to feel whole and free? What social conventions are you holding unto about love, power and freedom? Be brave and question yourself honestly.

The status quo is going to change irreparably anyway. If you don't step up and acknowledge your needs consciously, the damage is going to go much deeper than expected.

Claim your freedom and be true to yourself. This amazing post by Martha Beck shows you how.

Venus in Libra - Love and Rockets

2011-09-19T13:28:00.004-04:00

Cover illustration by Gilbert Hernandez for Love and Rockets #16, depicting two of his major Palomar characters, Heraclio and Carmen.

Guess who's come to visit planet Venus, bearing bonbons and flowers and wearing his best cologne? Libra, that's who! Venus rules Libra, so this ought to be an especially lovely time to exchange knowing glances at that cutie pie in the next cubicle, right? Ah, baby dolls, not so fast! Before you run to get that pedicure for a sexy game of footsies, a warning: The goddess of love and beauty will have to duke it out with interplanetary heavies like Pluto and Uranus. This is a potentially explosive combination, so be prepared for plenty of fireworks. Sounds hot, right? Yes, but be careful lighting those M80s, boys and girls, or you might lose a limb or two.

Eruptions, disruptions, and transformations are in store for us -- and all in the blink of an eye. Uranus's theme is Some Enchanted Evening. With ultra-sexy Pluto in the mix, you just might end up in the enchanting stranger's bedroom, handcuffed to said stranger's four-poster bed. Torrid, ain't it? Unfortunately, a Venus-Pluto square might further entail that said stranger will never unlock those sexy velvet cuffs. And that seemingly enticing bulge in someone's pocket might actually be a gun.

On the other hand, stressful aspects don't always mean an unhappy ending. There are ways of owning your dark (Pluto) and unreliable (Uranus) sides. I'll be posting a series of essays on real love versus spider love (to use Martha Beck's phrase). Stay tuned. And remember to count to 100 before taking candy from a stranger -- in whatever form that candy may come...

My Uncle Tells Me the Secret of Relationships

2011-09-18T12:19:00.002-04:00

A week before I married my ex-husband, my uncle Vicente gave me the secret to a good marriage:

"It's about the three C's," he said in my native Spanish. "Not cariño (love), because that goes without saying, but confianza (trust), consideración (thoughtfulness), and comunicación. Communication is not just words. It's looking at my wife when we're at a party and seeing that she's tired, it's time to go home. It's the kiss she gives me when I leave the house."

This speech blew my mind, especially the part about non-verbal communication. It sounds so simple and obvious, but at the time it was completely novel. What my uncle was talking about, quite simply, being in tune with someone, is true communication.

Really, the three elements he talks about form a synergy. After all, if you don't trust someone, you're going to be too concerned with your own safety to pay attention to him or her. And where there is trust, there is the understanding that you must value and take care of it enough to be considerate. Like I often write here, trust is something you earn. The more time and effort it takes for you to cultivate it, the more you treasure it. And part of being thoughtful means being in tune with someone else. Or at least working toward it.

A lot of times we want to discuss everything. But if your partner is tired or cranky or absorbed in his/her task, how considerate is it of us to insist on having a conversation? Are we being selfish by wanting to know things right now, so that we are less anxious about where we stand? Sometimes, like my uncle pointed out, we already know the answer and it's not in words, but in gestures and actions.

True communication is about being willing to pay attention. Which is what makes it so very hard!

Moon Square Venus - Needs vs. Wants

2011-09-12T19:11:00.005-04:00

One of the problems with having your natal Moon squaring your natal Venus is that there's a conflict between your needs (represented by the Moon) and your wants (represented by Venus). Because the Moon's involved, we are talking about emotional needs, although this aspect also involves not getting other needs met, like food, sleep, shelter.

On a very deep level, your mother or maternal figure did not know how to meet these emotional needs when you were a child. You might've been a kid who needed lots of encouragement and she might have been someone with few words to spare. Or maybe you needed someone to back you up against a particularly mean teacher and your mother always took his side. Being a parent is hard, no doubt about it, and unfortunately children don't come with instructions. Nevertheless, some parents are more in tune than others.

After a while, you absorb this same lack of mothering skills and, as an adult, you end up treating yourself the same way. Further, with this aspect in your chart, what you need is not what you want and what you want is not what you need. Confusing, isn't it? For instance, you may want a triple chocolate cake with hot fudge and strawberries for dinner, but it's not what you need in order to satisfy your hunger and be healthy.

Now, obviously, with Venus and the Moon involved, this aspect can have profound reverberations on your love life. It's somewhat easier to distinguish a need from a want when it comes to food -- if you have diabetes, you don't need the fried Sneakers bar--, but in love, well, things are a little more complicated.

Maybe you fall for the bad boy, the guy who makes your heart aflutter, but who always leaves you stranded when you need him most. OR maybe you go the other route and fall for the staid, stable guy, who thinks you're crazy for waking up in the middle of the night to write sonnets. On the other hand, maybe the stable guy isn't providing you with something that you truly need emotionally. There's a Yiddish saying, "A good relationship is like a shoe -- only you can tell if it fits." So how can you tell what's a need and what's a want?

How can you possibly figure out what's what when it comes to love? Well, thankfully, Dr. Joe Amoia has a great video to help you distinguish between the two.

Achieving Clarity Through Neptune

2011-09-11T15:03:00.002-04:00

After Dixie's post on getting confirmation that a reading is on-point, I thought about other intuitive tools for solving problems in general. After all, very often people come to readers because they're intent on finding more clarity about a situation.

The Moon Tarot by silvergypsie

These work to back-up a Tarot reading and also to tune into your own inner guide when you're a little lost. Interestingly enough, all of the tactics I mention below are ruled by Neptune. In its baser incarnation, this planet rules addiction, confusion, and escape. In its higher vibration, however, Neptune also rules compassion, spiritual ecstasy, and surrender.

In our goal-oriented, controlling culture, surrender and confusion are synonymous with failure. But here are some instances in which giving up will get you closer to clarity.

Sleep. Now, I don't have a problem remembering my dreams, even when they're very long and complicated, but I know that many people do. Nevertheless, even if you can't remember the specifics of what you dreamt, you can still meditate on a question before you go to bed and wake up with a much clearer perspective. Actually, this is even better than remembering a dream! There's no need for interpretation. So, when you lie down to sleep, just throw the question out there. Then close your eyes and truly sleep. Let the question just tumble around in your psyche for however long it may take for the answer to appear. You might not get the answer the next day, or even the following one.
Surrender. Have you ever worked on a complex math problem or puzzle, and just kept at it and kept at it for hours, with nothing but frustration as a result? If you have, then you know what I mean by obsession. You just end up exhausted, cranky, and frustrated. You're still nowhere near solving the problem, which adds to the frustration. Here's the thing: The more pressure we put on ourselves, the stupider we get. Part of the problem is that we often think that worrying about something gives us control over it. It's a form of magical thinking, though. If you think about it, it's also arrogant; you can't solve every problem in the world immediately when you want it. You're human, not a demi-god. Surrender, in this instance, is a form of humility. It's coming face to face with the reality that there are things over which you have no control, so why make yourself and others crazy about it? Meditation is observing the problem, yet detaching from it. You just sit with it. After a while -- okay, after a long while--, serenity comes.
Creative play. When I was in grad school, my adviser told us that if we were sitting at our desks for more than 30 minutes and our writing wasn't gelling, to get out and play. "The Muse loves play," she'd say. An excellent piece of advice. Forget your problem. Turning it over and over is just jamming up the works. Take a break and do something fun. Moving often helps a lot. So dance. Or run. Anything to put you back in your physical body. Oftentimes the answer rises up, unbidden, when we least expect it.
Daydreaming. Still having trouble? Slip into reverie. Go ahead, indulge in making up some beautiful fantasy for a little bit. Muse about silly things. Don't worry about goofing off, it might actually spark a breakthrough.

Remember that if you want to achieve clarity, you must be willing to be confused. Sometimes for a long while.

Today's Link - Confirmation in a Reading

2011-09-03T11:21:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, sorry about the long lag between posts. I've been a lot busier than expected and it's taking me a long time to get posts ready for public consumption.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this insightful post from my friend Dixie, since it gives great tips on how to gauge when a reading's reliable:

Looking for confirmation doesn’t signal a lack of faith. It’s having enough faith to ask and expect Source to let you know you’re on the right track, just like checking road signs on the highway lets you know you’re still going the right direction to your destination.

Dixie's Daily Tarot is one of the first sites I read in the morning. I highly recommend it.

How do you know you've got a good reading?

More Pluto - The Riches Within the Pain

2011-08-29T19:54:00.001-04:00

When I was a kid in Venezuela, my grandparents and their friends liked to discuss what life was like under the dictators. I was still too young to understand that in other Latin American countries, young people a few years older than I were being "disappeared" and that no one would ever hear from them again. But I knew enough to understand that if you ever wanted to belong to the underground, you had to be able to withstand pain. A great deal of pain.

8 of Swords, the Robin Wood deck

In spite of being a little girl, I understood that if I could train myself to withstand torture, the bastards could never break me. Of course, I realized this would be tough, but still I believed it was completely doable. Being brave and honorable were enough reasons to try.

I bring up my child-like philosophy to lighten up a fairly difficult subject: How do you face painful feelings? Why would you want to, anyway?

This is especially challenging if Pluto's prominent in your chart. Pluto, as I've said before, is the planet of destruction, transformation, and power. Think of it as radioactivity. In one context, you've got a nuclear meltdown; in another, you've got x-rays and the ability to detect cancer or even fight it.

In essence, Pluto is really about the proper use of power. Abuse of power ultimately leads to downfall, chaos, and horrific pain. Acknowledgement of one's own power in service to others, however, is all about healing. This doesn't mean that there isn't pain. In fact, healing often involves some kind of pain. But it is pain with a purpose, not for the sake of dominating or kowtowing to someone else.

Pluto will highlight an attitude that might have been useful at one point in your life, but that has become ossified and corrupted through the years. In aspect to the Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars or Mercury in one's natal chart, its position will often indicate some sort of abuse or trauma, be it physical, mental, or sexual. In order to survive trauma or abuse, we first have to numb the immediate pain that it causes so that we can find higher ground.

The decades pass and we build whole lives using those first survival mechanisms that were so useful originally -- such as denial or escaping into fantasy. These were tools you devised when you were in the grip of fear or when you were very young, so they are necessarily limited. Hence, whatever you build using these instruments will not be very solid.

Which is where the destructive aspect of Pluto comes in. In order to rebuild, you have to raze down the entire structure.

Except... Well, damn it, that's all you got! What will take its place?

Here is the most challenging aspect of Pluto: You don't know. You won't know for a long long time. You have to let go of control, another Plutonian favorite, and get comfortable with living in the fog. And in the fog all these little demons dwell. They're called feelings.

Remember those feelings you suppressed when you were little and experiencing this traumatic event bigger than you? Your Dad beating you. Or your mother losing consciousness due to drinking too much. (Pluto ain't pretty.) The panic and the pain are still inside you. Partly, you're afraid of facing them because they really are overwhelming. It was a hell of a lot to handle at the time and it's been growing for years. But another reason you're afraid is: You don't know what to do with them.

The answer is simple. Like everything simple, it's terrifically hard to put into practice. The answer is: Feel them.

I'm sure by now you all want to tell me to fuck off. I don't blame you. I told my therapist to fuck off. It was too much! I was going to lose control and die, didn't he get it? After about, oh, a year and a half of arguing, I finally came slowly around to the idea that I had no choice but to try it. (Nothing else worked). The problem was: How? What was I supposed to do?

"Just feel them," he said.

All right, I thought. What could he possibly mean by that? Fortunately, having cut ties to friends and family, I had all the time in the world to feel -- whatever "feeling" meant.

Here's how you do it: Do not think. Do not tell yourself a story of revenge or martyrdom or replay what happened or imagine scenarios. Eliminate the mental aspect altogether. This also means that you don't act. If you're angry, you don't take it out on a punching bag (or someone's car). If you're sad and hurt, you cry, however long you have to cry for. Also, you do not call up friends and bitch about what you're feeling. You don't have a drink or smoke a doobie or have sex to numb the pain or to soothe the nerves or to quiet the loneliness. Try not to write about them, either. It's like yoga class, when the teacher says to breathe into the discomfort of a pose.

If you're afraid, you sit or lie down and let the fear wash over you. (Yes, this is hard, but unless you're in immediate danger, being afraid will not kill you.)

"And what," you might be asking, "is the point of that?

See, one of the ways that people misuse power is by emotional manipulation. There is an implied threat of withholding friendship, love, support or approval. With a Pluto aspect, a lot of us put up with toxic people because we fear that we will not be able to survive the loneliness of not having them in our lives. Once you learn to withstand these painful feelings alone, miraculous things happen.

First, those accumulated old emotions from past events finally get vented. Secondly, you actually learn what feeling is; and asides from being a key aspect of self-discovery, it's also the gateway to intuition. Third, as you survive the experience of being sad, being lonely, and being afraid, (okay, after a loooong while), you will learn to survive them. No one will ever be able to hold them over your head in order to coerce you into anything.

And, really, that is the only way to be truly free.

Pluto and Transformation

2011-08-20T12:27:00.001-04:00

In astrology, Pluto's still considered a planet, not a second-rate planetoid. Its energy is associated with destruction, transformation, intensity, power, and rebirth. Think of the phoenix, the mythical bird who was reborn from the ashes.

That's a lot of potent energy and, not surprisingly, a Pluto transit or a strong natal Pluto does not make for a fun, carefree time. Experiencing Pluto is a little like getting the Tower card; you might know that it's all for the best, but you're still terrified. Even though you will eventually reap riches from all this pain and destruction, at the outset, it's really hard to see what's so great about this motherfucking planet.

Ed Gavagan's Moth podcast, Drowning on Sullivan Street, perfectly encapsulates the complete destruction that Pluto can bring on -- and the unexpected riches too. (His story is the second from the top.)

Dead-Ends and Being Stuck

2011-08-16T08:54:00.002-04:00

One of the great things about reading Tarot is that it gives me perspective about my own troubles. For instance, some months back I was very frustrated because it seemed as if everything I tried in order to advance my plans was fruitless. I had a small emotional crash and felt very depressed for a while. But now that I've been doing readings, it no longer feels so personal. Just about everyone is having trouble selling homes, finding jobs or relationships, and cherished projects seem to be dead in the water. In one way or another, everyone seems to be utterly mired.

I was mentioning this to a friend recently and suddenly I knew why.

"You know, this reminds me of my wedding," I said.

And I told him the story of the obstacles I encountered in getting married. A mere three weeks before my wedding all kinds of strange and humiliating obstacles kept popping up. Indeed, if my life had been a movie, the genre would've been farce. I should've paid attention to the fact that the only date available at such late notice was erev Selichot, the day in the Jewish calendar before the day of Atonement. Hmm. Not very auspicious, right?

Yet, I persevered. I'm a Leo Sun square Saturn in Taurus, two of the most stubborn signs in the zodiac. When I set my mind to something, I get it done. Sounds admirable, right? It isn't always. So I got married in spite of all odds. Not only was it not a happy marriage, the divorce laws in New York at the time were very restrictive. Getting out of it was even harder than getting into it. I felt trapped and felt guilty for feeling trapped.

As I recounted this story, I realized that I refused to take a step back and reconsider the advisability of getting hitched. All the complications heralded a less than happy union, so much so that I can honestly say that I never felt as old as I did during the years I was married. And I was in my late 20s!

If the Universe is putting up blocks in your way, stop struggling. Instead of feeling frustrated, ask yourself if maybe there's a reason why. Obstructions give you time to rethink and reconsider. Use it to analyze the nature of the impediments. Are the challenges giving you a precious opportunity to reveal something about yourself or the others around you? How they react in a crisis, for instance. Whether or not you yourself can handle them. Don't waste this valuable time being frustrated and aggrieved that things aren't going your way.

It's like the story of the guy who never makes it to the Titanic because the horse he was riding on lost his shoe. Bet that dude was pissed and frustrated he never got to board the most luxurious liner ever built!

Be grateful for the delays and the obstacles. You never know what they might be saving you from.

The Fool - Dare To Make Mistakes

2011-08-15T18:54:00.005-04:00

Some months back, I convinced my very good friend Kayi to come buy some art supplies so we could spend an afternoon drawing in Central Park. Down we went to Pearl on Canal, got some gorgeous drawing pencils and high-quality sketch pads, and then trekked uptown. After finally finding the perfect spot, we sat down, opened our pads to a blank page and froze. We both stared at the creamy emptiness before us, looked at each other and cried aloud, "I'm scared!!" What the hell were we so afraid of? What were they going to do, put us in Art Jail?

The Fool, The Marseille Tarot

Contrast that with the way an eight year old reacts when you sit her down with a blank sheet of paper and some crayons. She wastes no time filling up that paper. She's not worried about perspective, or shading, or whether or not the drawing is going to live up to anyone's expectations. There are no mistakes in her eyes. Nor is she expecting to compete with Picasso. Her exultation at making art, regardless of the mistakes she might make, is the reason she's so free. By virtue of jumping in and drawing, she's certainly going to plug into the Muse a lot quicker than me, worrying about messing up my perfectly blank sheet.

A lot of us are so terrified about making mistakes, we worry about something as silly as making a bad drawing no one will ever see. You know what? Maybe making mistakes IS the point we're here on Earth. Maybe we don't have to go on some far-flung adventure to meet some sainted guru on a mountain, or achieve Nirvana, or accumulate good karma miles. Maybe it's as simple as making as many honest mistakes as possible and being okay with being fallible. I don't mean that you don't fix the really bad mistakes. I'm not saying that if your drawing sucks, you shouldn't use the eraser and start over. I just mean not to let the fear hold you back. Because if you do, not only will you never conquer that particular demon, you'll never get good at anything either.

For instance, last night I had a fight with a friend. In the middle of the night, I thought, "Man, I really handled that badly. I suck at confrontation. I simply do not know how to do it with grace. What am I doing writing this blog and coming off like I'm so evolved?"

I'm intense and I'm blunt which means that I'm as subtle as an elephant. I hated hurting people's feelings, so I avoided confrontations even when someone had stepped on my toes. Yet those hurt feelings weren't going anywhere, so they'd come out at odd moments or else in an intense gush of word so squelching them down in the end was more hurtful than if I had just spilled.

Well, I'm just going to have to learn to get better at it. Which means that at first I'm going to suck at it in just about every conceivable way. But I cannot allow the fear of being bad at something hold me back from trying, because that's failing myself and the people around me. Sometimes I wonder if this whole fear of making a mistake is not just another ingenious way of getting away with not doing something I don't want to do. "I'm not good at that, so I'm not even going to try."

A few years ago, I would've beaten myself up whenever I made any kind of mistake, from badly formatting an Excel spreadsheet to being too blunt with a friend. Good Lord, it was exhausting! Nowadays, while I'm not exactly exultant about messing up, I'm much more at ease with it. And being at ease with being fallible is not only liberating, it is also much more conducive to actual improvement. In other words, expecting yourself to be perfect right out of the gate is the only way of truly fucking up. Be brave and be fallible.

Today's Link - Facing Your Fear

2011-08-12T08:01:00.000-04:00

A friend recently turned me on to the incredible Martha Beck, whose book Steering by Starlight is an in-depth guide to getting out of ruts and finding your North Star. Since yesterday I discussed facing your feelings, even if they're uncomfortable, I thought Martha's post on being a hero (by facing your fear) would be most appropriate. Enjoy!

Cutting Yourself Off From Your Emotions

2011-08-11T14:14:00.002-04:00

This lady here has a decision to make. She is determined to choose correctly. So she has blindfolded herself. Justice is blind, right? She will only allow strict logic to guide her. She's taken a sword in each hand and whichever one is heavier, that's the one she'll choose. That one's likeliest to be more powerful. Or maybe she should go for the one that's lighter, because that way she'll be nimble in a fight. The problem is, they both feel exactly the same. Hmm. Looks like she's at an impasse.

Ever been in a similar situation? You draw up lists about the pros and cons. You try to be as rational as possible, so that you can make the right decision. All this logic ends up driving you crazy, though; you become so confused that instead of moving forward, you are mired in paralysis. And it is entirely self-created!

The key to solving her dilemma lies behind her. See the lake? Water symbolizes emotions. Not only is her back to the lake, she's also crossed her arms over her chest -- guarding her heart, yes, but also closing it off.

It sounds like it would be the opposite, right? That being able to put your emotions aside would help when making decisions, not that it'd be a hindrance. And yet, scientists are finding out that this is not so at all.

When I see this card come up in a reading, I ask: What are you afraid of? I've heard stuff like: "Oh, well, I feel too much", "I shouldn't feel that", etc. I always want to say, "Unless your feelings are so out of control that you go on a shooting spree or burn down your building, what is wrong with feeling too much?" This is especially perplexing when the person lives alone and says he feels too much. So you cry for days behind closed doors. So what? Are you hurting anyone? Are you scaring your children and/or spouse by this display of emotions? And even if you do happen to have a spouse or kids, what's wrong with stealing a few minutes to cry your heart out in private?

The real truth, I suspect, is that he doesn't want to face his feelings. Listen, I understand. Feelings can often be scary. A lot of us grow up with taboos such as "Real men don't cry", "Good girls don't get angry", "Being sentimental is weak", etc. The overall message boils down to "Some feelings are bad". Undoubtedly, there are feelings that are challenging to withstand: grief, terror, loneliness, rage. If you're pushing these down, be brave and face them. There are riches to be found within them. But that topic deserves a post of its own.

Feelings are also related to passion and passion is what makes you truly alive. Having a passion makes it easier to withstand trials and sacrifices. A passionate artist, say, is willing to put up with penury, ridicule, and sometimes even societal exclusion for the sake of his art. Van Gogh is a good example. Dude could not catch a break in his lifetime. And isn't it strangely significant that he cut off his ear? It's as if he were saying, I can't hear all these false messages society's shouting. This is a man who suffered a tremendous amount of pain. Yet there is joy and delight and happiness within his vibrant palette. It's like he invented Technicolor decades before Hollywood did.

The problem is that the more you deny a feeling, the more control it has over you. You're angry at your good friend for getting married but don't want to acknowledge it because it feels childish? It's going to leak out in little passive aggressive ways by say, accidentally being chronically late when you're supposed to meet for lunch.

Certain feelings not only make us feel bad, they make us feel like we're bad by having them. Guess what? You're human. The sooner you accept that if you were meant to be a saint or an angel, you'll have sprouted wings by now, the better. This is not to say that I condone bad behavior. But you've been deeply in love and haven't shouted it in the streets like a maniac (although I personally don't see anything wrong with that); or felt outrageous rage and haven't gone on a killing spree; felt erotically charged and haven't ripped off your clothing and ravished strangers on public transit.

Or have you?

This is what it really comes down to: A lot of us are afraid that our emotions will run away with us. Being willing to face what you feel -- even if it's painful or shameful --, is ultimately a first step toward trusting yourself. Trusting that you will survive the pain, no matter how deep. Heck, sometimes it means trusting that you will survive the joy without spontaneously combusting. Trusting that you can love deeply without losing yourself. Trusting that you have enough maturity not to act on your emotions when they're inappropriate. And, lastly, trusting that you are a good person even if you sometimes feel homicidal, suicidal, or libidinous.

Now, mind you, there will be moments in life in which it will important to detach. But detachment is not the same as ignoring what you're feeling. It's the beginning of being authentic. It's hard, man, but it's worth it.

Still Standing

2011-08-10T12:31:00.002-04:00

Lately, this dude has been showing up in a lot of readings. See the bandaged head? The torn clothing? That look of mistrust he's casting at his surroundings? Brother has been put through the wringer. With major planetary players like Saturn, Pluto and Mars at cross-purposes in the heavens, a lot of folks world-wide have had the wind knocked out.

Billions have lost jobs or homes or their life savings. Millions more have lost all of the above. Even people fortunate to have remained fully employed and financially solvent have been beat-up emotionally by abusive bosses or backstabbing colleagues. Comes to show you. No one's skating by this crisis. If someone else's situation looks easy to you, just remember that's how it looks from the outside. When the 9 of wands shows up, he has had to put up a hell of a fight to stay standing. Everyone, it seems, has been trying unsuccessfully to resolve deeply frustrating situations.

Like I wrote yesterday, if you can't get out, hunker down and stop flailing. Despite all odds, this guy got all those wands to stick. As the number 9, he's only one digits away from 10. So the fight's almost over. Rest a while and breathe deep. You are not going to resolve everything right this minute. The answers will come fairly soon, so tend to yourself.

Now the biggest danger comes from within. You might be suffering from post-traumatic stress and, as a result, feeling paranoid. You're looking around your shoulder, unable to trust anyone or let your guard down.

The thing is: There is a gift in the struggle. You've shown your mettle, for starters. Yes, you need some time to lick over your wounds, but you're tougher than you imagined. You've learned that in order to survive, you'd best stop wallowing and start being resourceful. You've learned how to weather some pretty hairy situations. Challenges that would've brought you to your knees some years back now look as easy to take on as a second helping of blueberry pie. Thing about experience is that no one can take it away from you.

In the interim, one thing that I've noticed in readings, again and again, is that in spite of everything people have lost, they've been given some pretty miraculous things as well. People who thought they'd be out on the streets have found that, in spite of all the betrayals and vile behavior they've suffered, they've also witnessed genuine overwhelming kindness from unexpected sources.

This is not to gloss over the very real bitter suffering you've experienced. I'm not just channeling Pollyanna, because we've all witnessed and suffered through some outrageously, low-down shameful human behavior. But just because the bastards got you down, don't make things worse for yourself by looking askance at anyone who offers a hand up. This is the lesson of the 9 of wands. We know you're strong. Now let yourself be helped, if need be. Tain't no shame in that.

Ruts - Lessons From Groundhog Day

2011-08-09T12:25:00.000-04:00

In my recent post on breaking negative patterns, I focused mainly on how to recognize when you're about to repeat the same old story so that you can get out of it in time. Escape is a no-brainer, right? I did, however, neglect to mention a very important step: Sometimes before you can get out, you must hunker down. Sounds crazy, I know. After all, what's the point?

It's worth thinking about it, especially if your negative pattern corresponds to a square aspect in your natal chart. A square is formed when two planets are 90 degrees apart from each other. In the native's life, squares manifest as conflicts ostensibly coming from other people, but in reality stemming from the native's own erroneous concepts.

A square often plays out like your own personal Groundhog Day. In fact, the movie does a terrific job of clearly delineating the steps in resolving a square:

Confusion - Wait a minute, haven't I've been through this before?
Immaturity - This has happened before with an identical outcome, therefore I can do whatever I want without having to face the consequences.
Anger - Not only has this happened before, I am going to blow my top if SOMEONE doesn't do something to change it very very soon.
Bitterness - Through absolutely no fault of my own, I have been here before and I am going to be a total asshat about it.
Despair - Nothing EVER changes, so I am going to kill myself. And, finally:
Change of Perspective - Okay, this keeps happening to me over and over again; if I can't change it, I might as well figure out what it's good for.

That last point is crucial. In the movie, at some point, Bill Murray finally realizes that if he can't escape, he might as well do what he can within the framework of his given hell. He can't commit suicide, so he might as well face his hell. Also, it's precisely because he he's stuck living forever that he comes upon not just one, but many solutions. Notice that resigning to his fate is an active choice; it allows him to behave in different and novel ways. Now he has all the time in the world to learn French and how to play the piano. Since he already knows what will happen, he can help change the story in some ways, often to others' benefit. When he can't, he can begin to appreciate the people who are stuck in this recurring play but remain unaware. Sometimes, all he can do is listen lovingly.

As he stops riling against the injustice of being stuck where he is, he begins to notice others around him. He starts truly connecting with people. This is what finally leads to his transformation from total asshole to a loving, thoughtful, and kind man. This is what finally leads to Andie MacDowell accepting and loving him. And, incidentally, this is how he is finally able to break the spell.

So, if you're stuck somewhere without any possibility of escape, stop cursing the gods. Hunker down with some active resignation and figure out what you can actually do within the constraints you've been handed. Only then can you transcend the square and earn your freedom.

Today's Link - What You're Saying vs. What You Think You're Saying

2011-08-08T10:21:00.000-04:00

Medieval messenger, a detail of the Bayeux tapestry, 1086-1100

I hardly ever talk about transits directly on this blog. I figure there are loads of other blogs who excel at doing that, so anything I were to add would just be chatter. But Mercury went retrograde last week and I know how much we all dread that! By now even people who don't believe in astrology gnash their teeth and gird themselves for communication breakdowns, technological glitches, and other frustrating snafus. I suggest we all take a deep breath and listen to Rob Brezsny's take on it:

When Mercury is retrograde, as it is for the next few weeks, it does not mean communication snafus are likely. Rather, it tells you this is a great time to refine the ways you exchange information . . . and to concentrate harder on saying what you mean and meaning what you say . . . and to meditate on how to improve the ways you connect yourself to the people and resources you need and like.

This short interview with Salman Khan, founder of Khan Academy, brings up some key points to consider during this Mercury retrograde period. Are we more intent on talking than on being understood? Are we speaking the other's language? Or are we so focused on our own agenda that we utterly ignore if we are reaching -- never mind serving -- the other person?

Making Friends with (the Right Kind of) Crazy

2011-08-06T10:54:00.002-04:00

Some weeks back, I had a huge revelation as I was winding down a post about getting in and out of ruts. While examining a past negative pattern, I realized that I had been attracting crazy people because I had disowned my own craziness. When you're ashamed of an aspect of yourself, instead of getting rid of it, you're actually ensuring that it comes back to haunt you. It's like those fairy tales in which the sole uninvited guest is the one who keeps coming back to wreak havoc. So I decided that I had to make friends with crazy, and a friend asked me the logical question, "But how do you make friends with crazy?"

Desastre No. 68 - Que locura! - Disaster Series #68, What madness! by Francisco Goya

Perspective. First off, not everything that people deem crazy actually is. Sometimes what is accepted as true and reasonable will turn out to be totally arbitrary or even utterly insane. These norms are often bound by time and place. For instance, if a young girl acted out in Salem in 17th Century America, it was perfectly reasonable to suspect that she had fallen under a witch's spell. And the first step toward curing the unfortunate child was also perfectly reasonable: bake a cake with the girl's urine and feed it to a dog. (Duh. Who hasn't tried this remedy before resorting to Ritalin?) When nothing else worked, the next logical, reasonable step was to burn as many witches as possible.

Wake Up. All right, you say, I get your point. But that was truly madness, how does that apply to the present? Another good question. Have you ever found yourself telling someone about a weird dream you had and found yourself saying, "It all made sense in the dream"? Let's take it one step further. How many times have you told someone about a foolish mistake you made, oh so very long ago, and exclaimed, shaking your head, "Somehow it all made sense at the time". It better had, because right now it sure as hell doesn't. Lots of us are zombies, asleep in real life. Be willing to wake up.

Detached Analysis. The irony is that many of us were raised in families in which what was accepted as rational and true was, upon further, detached examination, utterly insane. Like waking up early as a seven year-old and fixing a cocktail for your alcoholic Mom. After all, that's what all grown-ups have for breakfast, right? Imagine if that kid suddenly questions having to make that Bloody Mary. Mom will likely call the kid insane since, after all, Mom always knows best.

Yes, yes, but that really is ridiculous, you say. Sure it is.

Moderation. But have you ever been so bound by normal rules that it drove you insane? Stuff like waking up early to exercise, eating hyper-healthy stuff because it's good for you, going on errands all day long because they're in your to-do list, making a logical life plan and tackling it day by day, always checking your progress? These are all logical guidelines, so why do you feel so crazy and miserable?

Courage. Once upon a time, there was a maniac named Galileo who had the temerity to theorize that the Earth was not the center of the Universe and that, instead, it revolved around the Sun. Boy, did that idiotic notion get him in trouble! The man came to his senses just in time, though, and retracted the whole thing.

Artists, scientists, visionaries, and mavericks throughout the ages have been called insane. They certainly were, at least by the standards of the day. But in the wider picture, they were right. The thing is, power-hungry tyrants have a stake in making you question your own sanity. Stating things as they actually are instead of pretending is dangerous. Being brave means being willing to stand alone. Social animals that we are, this can be very scary.

It Only Has To Work For You. When I'm on a date that's going badly, all I have to do to end the misery is mention that I read cards and believe in astrology. Imagine what they'd say if I told them that three times in my life I've actually heard a voice clearly warn me about something. I did the logical thing, of course, and ignored the warning, only to be extremely sorry that I hadn't heeded it.

My life changed completely when I started paying attention to my dreams. The more I trusted these messages, the easier things became. Mind you, it was never anything on par with Nostradamus. My dreams were very mundane, basically telling me stuff that I was not willing to face.

A lot of times, these illogical messengers were warning me that although the situation made sense in practical terms (ie, taking a job opportunity on the brink of a world-wide recession), this particular office was yet another toxic incarnation that would eventually make me feel crazy.

Now I will often ask for guidance before making a crucial decision. This doesn't mean that I get an immediate answer. Often, I have to put up with a long period of doubt or uncertainty, if not outright confusion. In a world that demands answers on demand, the unwillingness to leap to a decision nilly-willy can seem mad.

Personally, I found that the only way I made friends with crazy was by becoming impervious to others' opinion of me as such. It was only then that my life magically, weirdly, became serene, enjoyable, and happy. I think that's as good a definition of sanity as I'll ever get.

A paean to Leo

2011-08-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

Monday, August 1st was my birthday and like all good Leos, I had to tell everybody so I could enjoy some glory. I have a Saturn square to my Leo Sun, so I didn't always come across as a Leo. Saturn squashed that natural Leo sunniness and I spent many years hiding my light. It's easy to do, especially in a culture that confuses being at ease with oneself with narcissism. Thankfully, I've recovered, thanks to a host of wonderful Leo friends who embody the best Leonine qualities.

As a celebration to those aspects of myself that I spent many years squelching and actually hating, I am going to shine a light on what is great about Leo. First off, there's no one like a lion to inspire you. Ever feel like you can't do it? Ask a good Leo friend if you can. He'll flash you his sunny smile and say, "Of course you can!" And, whoosh, all of a sudden you'll feel energized. Are you feeling down in the dumps? (Do NOT, however, ask a Leo to give you a pep talk. That can go on for hours.)

Leos are known for their glamour. You see a drab lion, one who looks a little dowdy, hunches when she walks, and doesn't smile? That's a sad little lion indeed. A Leo is best when she bounces into a room full of joy of being in her body. She may be a few (or more than a few) pounds overweight, sport a wrinkled visage (a good Leo knows how to wear her wrinkles), and have fat ankles. Doesn't matter. Her glamour doesn't come from her looks. It comes from wearing her favorite perfume, donning the hues that make her feel pretty, and selecting articles of clothing purely based on what makes her happy, not on what's currently fashionable. An evolved Leo knows that glamour comes from joy and the pleasure of being alive, so that's how she styles herself. That's the secret to a Leo's glow. So take a page from Leo and dare to wear only what makes you feel like a movie star -- even if it's in your own mind. (We Leos are always making grand entrances precisely because we are the stars of the secret movie eternally playing inside our heads. It works. Try it).

A Leo is a master at the art of lazing around. You can't make a lion do anything he doesn't want to do. Try it and he'll roar. You have a million obligations, are stressed out by a thousand little worries, and feel like your heart is about to give out? Go hang with a Leo. Leos are wonderful hosts. He'll shout with joy that you showed up and embrace you.

Before you know it, you'll find yourself doing a lot of sitting around, with a glass of wine, good food and lots of laughter. Seriously, there is nothing more restorative than a day enjoying the simple pleasures of life with no agendas or to-do lists. Leisure is so vital that God even made it a commandment. I am convinced that the whole point of having a rest day was God's way of saying, "Would you just look at all this beautiful stuff I made? Can you get a load of how pleasurable being alive is? Do I rock or what?"

Lastly, spend some time in righteous, simple self-love. (Self-love is like any kind of love; just like your beloved's flaws do not mar your appreciation of him, your own defects don't throw you into a pit of despair.) In Judaism, one of the morning blessings men are supposed to recite daily goes like this: "Thank you God, for not making me a woman." Extremely sexist, I know, but bear in mind that Biblical-era women sorely lacked Motrin or epidurals. Anyway, the other day I was wearing one of my favorite dresses, had on my signature fragrance, had just gotten a pedicure in a gorgeous shade, and I thought, "Thank you, God, for making me a woman! I enjoy it so very very much!" So, recite a little prayer to God for all the things about you that give you so much pleasure, you're overcome. Things like, "Thank you, God, for making me tall so I can see far" or "Thank you, God, for making me short and nimble so that I move fast". This is not narcissism, folks. It's gratitude for being exactly who you are.

Ruts and How We Get In -- And Out

2011-07-27T15:05:00.000-04:00

Did you ever feel like you're in your own version of Groundhog Day? You know, where you keep getting stuck in the same scenario, over and over again, with virtually identical outcomes? If so, I can appreciate your frustration, trust me. I've been there. Whether it's picking the wrong friends or finding yourself stuck in toxic workplaces, some situations are pervasive. Man, is it painful to find yourself doing the same thing over and over again!

For the purposes of this post, let's define a pattern as any situation that has cropped up in your life at least three times and that plays out in virtually identical ways with disastrous consequences. Just writing that out sounds eerie, doesn't it? And yet we know from our own experiences and even from observing others that this kind of thing can and does happen. If your birth chart shows a strong Plutonian influence, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.

So how do you break out of it? Well, you have to be willing to be your own detective. Fortunately for Plutonians, that comes naturally.

Identify the pattern. So, say, you keep finding yourself rooming with crazy people. (This was actually one of my patterns, by the way.) When there's a crime spree, detectives first detach and look for the similarities. Sit down with a notepad and jot down the general outline of the incidents on separate pieces of paper. Do any similarities jump out at you? Break it down like a play: beginning, middle, and end. Say, for instance, that you keep meeting your roomies through the school bulletin board. Or that friends introduce you two, thinking you'll hit it off. What are the behaviors that these different crazy people have in common and how long does it take for it to emerge?
Identify your complicity. I hate to break it to you, but if something keeps surfacing in your life, you have a role to play in it. This is one of the toughest steps of getting out of a rut and yet, it is the KEY to transcending it. But facing your own complicity can be very painful. Look, when we look back at moments in which we were betrayed, nearly all of us can pinpoint a moment that foreshadowed it. Without judgment, put yourself in that moment in which you first suspected that all was not well. What were you feeling? What did you do? Did you brush your feelings aside? (Most of us are guilty of doing just that.) Putting yourself in this mindset will help you get out of a pervasive destructive pattern.
Detach from the anger and recrimination. Emotions like anger or self-righteousness cloud our ability to find the real culprit, if only because we're so intent on avenging ourselves. We're so angry that any culprit will do, really. A good detective is committed yet detached. He doesn't jump to conclusions or thinks he has the answers before has enough proof. It helps if he doesn't have an ax to grind, or a stake in any particular outcome other than getting to the bottom of a mystery. Ironically, this entails that he develop a high tolerance for confusion. I'm not talking about the kind of confusion in which one is completely helpless and befuddled. By confusion, I mean having the patience to allow clarity to emerge on its own time. The answers will come, they are just not on a schedule.
Be willing to do things differently. For some unfathomable reason, this is the hardest step for people. I see it over and over again. A person will have done the work of identifying the pattern. He pinpoints the similarities. He even figures out what he's doing wrong. And yet, when a situation first emerges that rings warning bells (and you'd be surprised how early this occurs), he refuses to believe that this might be the same scenario. The best time to avoid trouble is at the beginning, people! And yet this is the moment in which people's confidence wavers. I'll say, "Remember that you weren't going to meet guys over drinks again? Remember?" And I get: "Yeah, but this time it's different." I'll say, "How is it different? He kept plying you with drinks, just like the five other guys you met before him, even though you kept telling him you needed to get up to work in the morning..." And I'll still hear: "Yeah, but this time, it's different." Beware those four little words, ladies and gentlemen. They may be the most dangerous words in the English language, along with "let's give her the benefit of the doubt". Oh, yes, that's another one that crops up in pervasive patterns. People want to be kind and want to give others the benefit of the doubt because, after all, why should this person have to pay for the damage someone else caused? And that's all well and good, EXCEPT that YOU are the common denominator here. When YOU are confronted with a certain situation, YOU tend to go in a given direction, one that leads to pain. And, you are the key player in this drama, right? As long as you keep getting stuck in patterns, you will have to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt in any situation that even remotely replicates the drama. I've analyzed this phenomenon and realize that the problem is:
You can't expect change without discomfort or pain. People think that once they're ready to change, they will be emotionally at ease first so that then they can take on the actual work of changing. So, if you have a hard time saying no, you will suddenly wake up one day with the intestinal fortitude to say no to anyone. Nuh uh. Doesn't work that way. That's like expecting to run a mile without feeling sore after a lifetime of being a couch potato. It's a ridiculous expectation, okay? Gird yourself for that first No, after a lifetime of saying Yes. That No will feel deeply uncomfortable. You will squirm. You will look for ways to back out. Worst still, you are going to feel like a very bad person. Here's the thing: Weirdly enough, changing a pattern entails feeling like a bad person even though you will not actually be doing anything wrong. This feeling of being bad will last for a long while. Bizarre, isn't it? Why is that? Ah, now we're getting closer to the mystery. You see, it's because:
You have a stake in reenacting the pattern. That's right. You are getting an emotional payback out of this situation, even if it repeatedly ends badly. So, for instance, in the situation in which I kept rooming with crazy people, I kept being the sane one. I was the clear-headed one. Except that, when you surround yourself with nut jobs, it's not hard coming off smelling like a rose. I have another friend who always dates extremely needy women who constantly need his help. He gets to be the hero, see? Yes, he's exhausted and drained, but he gets this wonderful ego boost of feeling like some knight in shining armor. Now, I don't mean that he is aware of this. I'm not saying that he consciously goes out of his way to be the hero. I'm just saying that his own self-image depends on being the rescuer. In my case, I had an aunt who was schizophrenic. I witnessed her degradation and vowed that I would rather be dead than crazy. Thing was, I was often in situations as a kid in which I felt like I was the crazy one, but my survival depended on putting up with adults who were acting more than a little meshuggeneh. As a grown-up, I can't tell you the number of situations in which I was convinced I had to put up with madness or I'd lose my livelihood. I was afraid I couldn't afford to live in New York City without a roommate, for instance. Hence it is very important to me, on some level, to be the sane, clear-headed one. This is the problem, however. My need to be sane has, ironically, led me into situations that were insane. Clearly, I need to make friends with crazy, confused, and being out of control. That might be the real reason I have that Pisces Moon conjunct my North Node.

Once you let go of a key part of your identity, even one that guaranteed pain and torment, who are you? And, bingo! We have hit the real reason that we are in a rut. We need to preserve this self-image for whatever reason. It's like an actor who has made millions in the box office playing the same character. She's bored and she knows she's selling out, but she's also scared that she'll lose the obvious rewards. Worst yet, she's terrified that all she's got in her is that one role. The truth is, after all those years of coasting, she will likely really suck at any other character. At first, that is.

So, you will suck at your new identity. So what?

In fact, you may actually come on too strong and too aggressive at first, so feeling bad will be somewhat justified. However, if you want to get out of that rut, you have to be willing to make mistakes. You've never said no before. You will have to learn how to do it. It doesn't sound very Zen, but if you want to become a Master, you will have to suck at first and for a very long time. Deal with the pain of failing for your own sake. You will get better if you stick with it. I promise. And then, magically (and it WILL feel like magic), one day you'll find that you have broken the spell of a negative pattern.

Five Red Flags That Show Someone's Untrustworthy

2011-07-26T17:54:00.000-04:00

Some years ago, I made a crucial discovery to my own happiness: If I surrounded myself with untrustworthy, negative people, I too would end up being negative and endangering my mental health and those of my group. I don't know what took me so long to figure THAT one out. After all, Sartre figured it out decades before when he said, "Hell is other people." The thing is, other people can also be a source of happiness and joy.

Dangerous people always tip themselves off. It's like that scene in the movie Let The Right One In, in which the little vampire girl explains to the boy that vampires can't come into a house unless you invite them in. You don't have to fill your life with vampires, peeps! The key is discernment.

Now, people talk about red flags when it comes to dating, but in my experience, toxic friends, bosses and co-workers also display signs we should heed before deciding to take them in (or on). So below is a list of red flags that apply to all situations, be they romantic, friendly, familial or professional.

Feeling safe. Does the person do or say something that makes you uncomfortable? Take note of the feeling more than the actual words. The conversation or gesture might be neutral or even positive, but if you suddenly feel tense, nervous or even irritable, don't dismiss it. In fact, the more irrational the feeling, the more you should pay attention to it. This does not mean that you ought to try and convince others that you're right. It just means that this person triggers a lot of discomfort in you. And that's a good enough reason to keep your distance.
Backward compliments or indirect criticism. Does the person point out a small defect or flaw fairly soon after meeting you? Does s/he correct you subtly? If someone puts you on the defensive, beware. This is a sign of a controlling person. For instance, recently at a gig, I was showing someone my notes and she took a pen and randomly corrected the way I write the letter U. My handwriting is legible, but apart from that, this tiny correction was completely unrelated to the job at hand. Unless you're in the audience at a stand-up comedy show, file aggressive jokes at your expense under indirect criticism as well.
TMI or nosiness. Sometimes people want to become super-duper, instant BFF's shortly after meeting you. People bond when they share vulnerable moments. If you're suddenly confronted with someone telling you something that feels too personal, or if someone aggressively digs for information, that's a good indication that s/he does not respect boundaries. Someone who roots through your belongings, computer, or email account may not just be looking to steal your identity. S/he might just be violating your privacy for the sheer sake of it; in fact, you might not even be the target, but you should still pay attention. How someone treats others is a good indication of how s/he might treat you, if you're not careful. This goes double if you try to enforce your boundaries, but s/he barrels right past them.
Shifting the blame. This one is especially useful at work. Does your supervisor or colleague always place the blame on you for his/her mistakes? Recently, I had someone outright tell me that he had made a mistake on a letter he gave me to type -- but that he had told the client I was at fault because I was new. He smiled when he said this, a little ashamed; almost as if he wanted me to forgive him, even. I nodded and immediately pegged him as the untrustworthy weasel that he was. By the way, in any work situation, I subscribe to the old "captain goes down with the ship" code of honor. In other words, an honorable boss takes ultimate responsibility for his team's mistakes. The way someone handles a mistake or a misunderstanding is a crucial clue as to how honorable and trustworthy s/he is. This does not mean that s/he should automatically blame him or herself when s/he's not at fault. It does mean, however, that s/he can acknowledge when s/he's wrong and act appropriately to correct the error.
An inability to take a back-seat (or the constant need to control everything). A healthy adult knows that it's not always about him or her. There are times when it's okay to let someone else drive. However, if you encounter someone who cannot give up control or who is always devising sneaky ways to hijack a situation, pay attention. About a year ago, a good friend met a woman who was constantly taking control of the plans they made together. If my friend was having a dinner party, this lady would persuade the other guests that they meet at her place first and walk together to my friend's dinner. (They were in the same circle of friends.) Something or other would always come up and so this lady's entourage would always arrive at least an hour late. This is a form of emotional hijacking; everyone else had to stand around and wait for this little group.

If anyone exhibits one or more of the above, don't try to dissuade yourself that it's all in your head. You don't have to confront the person. Keep your cards to your vest and make sure to take extra caution and protect yourself as much as possible.

Transition and Filling Up the Void

2011-07-12T22:10:00.000-04:00

One of the scary things about change is that it often entails letting go of something and thus creating a void. That can be terrifying. No matter how crappy your current situation, it still represents something. What if nothing arrives to take its place? When people tell you about change, they don't mention that damned void. Instead, everyone makes it sound like all you have to do is let go of this negative, draining element and, voila! A better alternative will sprout up soon enough. I want to be honest with you though. That void is real and it's painful. But if you don't confront it, you won't see real change.

I'll start with an example from my own life. I have Saturn in the 11th house, the house of friends. When I was a kid in school, I didn't have lots of friends. The few I did have were grown-ups, which, of course, practically guaranteed that I would further alienate kids my own age. However, now as an adult, I can count on lots of terrific friends. It's easy for me connect with people and cultivate my social network.

Before I was able to truly excel at friendship, though I had to figure out what a good friend actually was. You see, there was a long period in my adult life in which the people I considered my best friends were actually frenemies. You all know what a frenemy is; s/he's someone who purports to be on your side, but has all these underhanded ways of taking you down. Like telling embarrassing stories about you in public. Or giving you humiliating gifts such as hand-me-downs. Hitting on the guys you're interested in. Or intruding in your other friendships.

I was utterly blind about this. (I told you all I understand denial very well!) My therapist used to argue with me about these so-called friends -- and I do mean argue, he wasn't one of those laid-back analysts who sound like they're on morphine. But I held on tight, man. I kept telling him that they didn't do it "on purpose". That their hearts were in the right place. And so on and so forth.

Until one day, one of them gave me a present for my birthday so humiliating that when I showed it to another person, I almost burst into tears. That's when I began cutting all ties with anyone who degraded or put me down, be it consciously or unconsciously. (Really, does it matter in the end whether someone repeatedly hurts you on purpose or not? Getting punched again and again hurts regardless.)

When you've set up an abusive dynamic in one aspect of your life, you attract it again and again. It's really the only thing you recognize, weirdly enough. So, at that point in time, nearly all the people I considered close friends were abusive.

Given that I only engaged in demeaning friendships, when I was done cutting those ties, I hardly had any friends left. Oh, I had a couple of acquaintances and they had busy lives, so while they'd invite me places, most of the time I was on my own. Talk about a void! I spent about a year going to the movies and museums by myself. There were lot of weekends in which Sunday came around and I realized I had only talked to the guy I brought my groceries from at the Korean deli.

And yet, it wasn't lonely at all. It WAS tough. All of those dark feelings that I'd stuffed down over the years came right up, like so much backed-up sewage. I didn't have any friends to distract me from that shit. Looking back, that was a very valuable time in my life, so much so that I will devote an entire post to it some other time.

I don't remember how or when, but little by little, I began making new friends. And these friends are entirely different than the previous crop. They are supportive, not competitive. They are respectful of my boundaries. They are utterly reliable. They don't play with my head when they upset or anger me; any issues that come up between us, we're able to confront honestly and with sensitivity. I can show my most vulnerable self and know that they won't undermine me. In fact, one of the things I'm known for is this incredible support system I have, one that I'm happy to share with anyone I deem trustworthy and kind.

But that gift only came precisely because I was finally willing to face that long, lonely void. So here's the thing about change: transitions are ugly. It's like buying a beautiful house that you must first regut and renovate. In order to get your dream home, you will have to first put up with ugly, unfinished surroundings and months of discomfort and stress.

Friday's Poem

2011-07-08T08:11:00.001-04:00

Today I leave you with one of my favorite poems. I dedicate it to anyone with a Moon/Pluto aspect and who struggles with it.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

(The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman Barks)

Photo by Doug Ellis, www.dougellisphotography.com

Sometimes You Don't Need The Tarot

2011-07-06T20:02:00.001-04:00

Sometimes people come to me for a consultation and when they tell me their dilemma, I realize that they don't really need the Tarot. The answer is very clear, but they don't want to see what's obvious. Like, to take a hypothetical and trite example, when a girlfriend is intent on sticking it out in a bad relationship. Or when someone is very stuck on a person who is obviously not emotionally available. Of course, they come to me for a Tarot reading and not for my opinion, so I hand them the deck to shuffle and I read their cards. Nearly always, the Tarot will confirm my original misgivings.

There are times when people are my friends and they don't come to me for a reading at all, but I can see that a so-called friend of theirs is a toxic influence. In those cases, I will speak up. 99% of the time, people refuse to believe me. They defend the friend's shenanigans and outrageous behavior. I do my best to step back (although there have been a few instances in which I've told someone that I refuse to have anything to do with the third party.) Some months later, it turns out that I was right. That's when I hear my friends say, in an astonished voice, "How did you know?! You must be psychic!"

Now, yes, I am a very intuitive person. But I have to own up. 90% of the time, the person who pinged my danger radar was doing stuff that was glaringly wrong. One guy's girlfriend would always call my boyfriend looking for her guy. Another guy had a habit of taking off in his best friend's car -- without asking for permission first. Another new BFF was supposed to be in charge of arranging a friend's birthday dinner and forwarding the details to all the birthday girl's friends -- and yet she never included them in the email with all the pertinent details. She forwarded the invite to her own friends instead.

The point of this post is not to toot my horn. What I'm trying to get at is that we can be very taken with the idea of discovering our sixth sense -- and yet we often refuse to use our common sense. Our five senses already provide a lot of useful information about whom to trust and whom to watch out for. But we have to show up for ourselves. We have to be willing to look at things the way they are, not the way we wish they were. Believe me, I know from personal experience how challenging this can be!

I am not writing this to discourage anyone from having their cards read. My intention is to discourage people from engaging in wishful thinking because I have found it a dangerous habit that is terribly difficult to break. It blinds you from seeing things as they are and so you become an accomplice in your own manipulation. I know from personal experience that we do possess a sixth sense. But don't be so intent in finding it that you neglect the information gathered from more pedestrian sources.

Saturn in Libra and The Real Rules of Dating

2011-07-03T15:32:00.002-04:00

Saturn is now direct in Libra, so it is a particularly apt time to think about rules in relationships. I bring this up because I was recently talking to two of my male friends about the whole idea of rules in dating. Yes, I know, the "rules" have gotten a bad rap, but hear me out, because I think there's a crucial difference between a good rule and a bad one.

Artist: Fernando Gumppenberg, around 1820 in Milan, Lombardy

Yes, we've all heard of The Rules. The famous Rules have been rightly criticized for being nothing more than manipulative ploys. One example is "don't call him and rarely return his calls". Now, you know what it's like if someone, male or female, friend or business contact, doesn't return your calls. It sucks. It makes you feel like you're not important, like they don't care. After a while you either end the friendship or take your business elsewhere. As well you should!

"Ending the conversation or date first" is a rule that I see in many forums, not just the ones geared toward women. Ending a social interaction first, no matter what, so that the other person is thrown is a manipulative mind-game. I mean, who are you, anyway? The boss? How much fun is a relationship where one person is always calling the shots? And how healthy is a person who's attracted to you just because s/he's unsure of where s/he stands with you?

These two rules are just a few examples of power games.

And yet, there are other rules that lead to healthy boundaries.

For instance, one friend happened to mention that he has his own inner rule of never trying to kiss a woman on a first date, even if he really likes her. Being a gentleman is very important for him and this is his way of showing it.

Now recently I have gone back to dating online. I first tried dating online ten years ago, with disastrous results. Each date was like a miniature farce, no exaggeration. In fact, a friend recently reminded me of one guy I met on Jdate who was entertaining the thought of becoming more religious and who complimented me by saying that I'd look really sexy in a wig. And that is a relatively innocuous example.

So this time around, I decided that I'd stick by three inner rules. The first one is to never go out with a guy unless I talk to him on the phone first. If something feels off about him, I don't go out with him. Other women I know don't bother talking on the phone with a guy they met online and it works well for them. But I know my intuition isn't as keen over email. It is a self-protective rule.

The second one is to make the first date over coffee or drinks. I do this for all dates. I have Moon in Pisces and my imagination runs away. In order to rein it in, the first date has to be as ordinary as possible. The more potential a guy has, the more important it is for me to ratchet down the romance so that I can see clearly.

And the last one is to never schedule a first date on a Friday or Saturday. I'm usually tired on a Friday, so I prefer to reserve that night for friends so I can let off some steam. And Saturday is, as a friend once called it, "the primo night" of the week. Until I know for sure I really like a guy, I reserve it for my own plans.

Good rules help you determine if a person will respect your boundaries. I don't mean that you have to necessarily state outright, "Hey, dude, my rule is no kissing until the second date." If something is important to you, trust me, you will communicate it non-verbally. In spite of all this talk about men being from Mars, unless they have Asperger's, most healthy guys can tune into your cues. Even guys who are not very perceptive are eager to be gentlemanly and will promptly compromise if I tell them I'm more comfortable having a drink than going to dinner... An unhealthy person expects you to make exceptions just for him or her.

Hence the original inspiration for this post. You see, my friend and I were not talking about rules, per se, but in both instances, we encountered people who tried to get around these personal, unstated rules. He was on a first date and the girl ignored his restraint and came on extremely strong, only to refuse to answer his calls and then drop him like a hot potato some weeks later. I got an email from some guy I hadn't even spoken to who not only wanted me to meet him without a phone conversation, he strongly suggested that I see him exclusively.

The real problem, though, comes when you like the person. Then there's always the temptation to make an exception. But if it's your personal rule, it's important to you. Why cede its importance?

You can distinguish good dating rules by the following:

They are based on one's own values and on self-protection.
They boil down to respect for the other person and self-respect.
They are not designed to control or manipulate.

Again, these rules are very personal, since the point is what makes me comfortable enough to go out there and meet a total stranger I met online. Your rules might be totally different than mine, but if you follow those guidelines and remember that the point is both self-respect and respect for the other person, you are sure to do well.

A Few Thoughts on Changing Your Reality

2011-06-21T07:34:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time when I watched reality shows, I began noticing something very odd: Whenever the contestants were threatened with "elimination", they would react incredibly emotional about the thought of leaving. Yes, I know that a lot of shows are based around winning a prize in the end, but a lot of times, the contestants had to put up with backstabbing, betrayal, emotional outbursts, crazy-making behavior, etc., to the point where, frankly, I often wondered why they weren't relieved at the prospect of leaving. (I am not referring to competitive shows that revolved around a real skill or talent and in which the prize is a legitimate shot at attaining one's career goal. I'm talking about shows like Temptation Island and Big Brother.)

Instead, they'd react as if something utterly dreadful were going to happen, even when they knew perfectly well that if they were eliminated, they'd just go back to their old lives. In a lot of cases, their old lives were fine. Maybe not great, but surely not on the level of crying hysterically. And yet, that's what these grown men and women often did, repeating over and over, "I just don't want to go back!"

Working as a freelancer in different workplaces, I noticed how completely different the ambiance and corporate culture can be from company to company. Some places were genuinely toxic; people betray each other left and right and mistakes are simply not allowed, whereas in others if you make a mistake, even a seemingly big one, people will exhibit an understanding attitude just as long as it was a genuine error. Some companies focus on the work and others focus on petty office politics and power games.

Yet one day it struck me how, in each and every company, there was a tendency to believe that every other workplace was just like theirs. This was so even when people had experienced working in different places through the years. "Oh, it's the same WHEREVER you go," people shrug. The nastier the atmosphere, the more I heard that. I always wanted to say to those co-workers, "No, it's not. This is just one office, not the rules of gravity of the corporate world."

As human beings, our experience of reality and what's normal is necessarily influenced by those around us. "Normal" is colored by the attitudes, behaviors, and personalities who surround us. Oftentimes, especially if we grew up in abusive homes, it is difficult to conceive of calmer, happier environments. This is exacerbated by the fact that trauma often leads us to subconsciously look for others who reinforce our negative experiences.

It's like that one friend we all have had who, no matter what, is always picking the crazy drunk for a lover. You can take this friend to a temperance convention and somehow the friend will always home in on the one alcoholic among thousands! Is it any wonder this friend is often utterly convinced that the opposite sex is untrustworthy? In her experience, this is an ineluctable truth.

To that unlucky friend, a happy relationship is as elusive and as unimaginable as finding El Dorado. But there are dreams and there are dreams. Some are definitely quixotic, but others are very much possible. Unfortunately, there is something weirdly sticky about bad environments. I'm not sure why this is, but the more toxic a situation, like those shitty shows or vile workplaces, the harder they can be to leave. Abusive people play this mind trick on people, making them believe that their survival is utterly dependent on not leaving. In fact, the opposite is true: Your survival depends on getting the hell out, and as soon as possible!

The first clue that you're in an abusive situation is that you feel trapped. This distorts your concept of what's feasible. Remember that, wherever you are, what you are seeing is only one version of reality, not THE ONLY REALITY. Maybe you haven't experienced something different yet, but you definitely won't be able to escape your present situation if you delude yourself into thinking that you have no choice. Without a concept of what is possible, it is very difficult to change one's circumstances. You may not be able to figure out just yet how to escape, but the answer will come if you commit to finding your own version of freedom.

Guest Spot on Sasstrology!

2011-06-18T10:33:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that I completely forgot to toot my own horn about my article on the Venus-Pluto square that was published on Sasstrology.com last week. Thanks so much to my buddy Jeffrey Kishner for allowing me to share my thoughts on this most difficult aspect!

Lastly, for those of you who share this aspect and who despair of ever channeling its energies properly, I recommend this article about Eleanor Roosevelt from The New York Review of Books. As Sand reminded me in the comments on the Sasstrology article, Venus Pluto contacts also generates first ladies and females who build dynasties. Reading about how Eleanor used the Venus Pluto energies is an excellent lesson on how to use it effectively.

Hiding Your Light

2011-06-15T07:48:00.003-04:00

It was a really long, tough winter and I think people are still trying to come out from under the blues. A lot of the people who come to me are determined to make a change in their lives, but they seem a little beat up, too. (The 10 of wands is popping up in a lot of readings.) When you come out of a tough, frustrating struggle, it's natural to feel a bit blue and discouraged.

2009 Maserati Gran Turismo

I'm seeing a lot of the same questions and issues in the consults I'm doing and, interestingly enough, very few have to do with love. A lot of the issues I'm seeing, especially in women, have to do with people being weighed down by hiding their light under a bushel basket. Yes, that sadness you feel is sometimes a result of hiding your best self for fear of the consequences; you don't want to draw attention to yourself by shining. And I get it. I do. It can be tough to have all eyes on you. Just look at the gossip mags: every move celebrities make is examined and criticized for all the world to see.

But here's the thing, you were bestowed these gifts for a reason. Not using them is a waste and, if the green power has taught us anything, waste is sinful. If you have, say, a powerful Venus in your chart and you're hiding it under drab, baggy clothing, you're not just refusing to acknowledge your power, you are disempowering yourself. No wonder you feel down! It's like taking the bus while having a Maserati siting idle in your driveway.

And, yes, I understand that sometimes we don't know how to drive, or if we do, we don't know where the damn keys are, but you know what? It's your duty to empower yourself. Yes, I know. Duty sounds extreme, but hear me out. I'm coming to the point in my life where I've seen a lot of backstabbing and a lot of people being hurt by others' envy. As I was witnessing this, I began to notice that those who were pulling the talented down were the ones who felt most threatened by the latter's gifts.

So, for instance, in one of the places where I worked, I saw a very talented and educated woman be destroyed by malicious gossip a small group of women spread. It was really infuriating to see. Yes, you might say, but those were evil bitches and I wouldn't do that. Well, maybe. But sometimes even self-awareness does not work.

Ever done or said something and wondered where the hell it came from, something that still makes you squirm just thinking about it? And doesn't the fact that it came out unbidden bother you even more? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty; I've been there myself. I'm just pointing out that unexpressed or unacknowledged energies have a way of erupting -- oftentimes in embarrassing and unpleasant ways. There are dark motives within all of us and trying to be extra-good does not necessarily thwart them from coming out, oftentimes unconsciously.

So here's the thing: What if those women had felt empowered themselves? What if they had discovered their talents and nurtured them, to the point that they no longer saw someone else as a threat? What if they had stopped resenting what others had, because they were too busy appreciating their own gifts?

I know it sounds simplistic. And being talented does not preclude that other equally talented people will not try to undercut you. We all have moments of envy, resentment, and jealousy. It's only human. Yet I genuinely believe that the more empowered people feel, the less likely they are to hurt others. Hence my philosophy that nurturing and enjoying your gifts is a moral duty.

You may not know how to harness your powers, especially if the planets involved are in tough aspects. But then, all the more reason you should explore and experiment with different ways of cultivating those gifts. You have a powerful Mars? Try different physical activities, think about your masculine traits and, most importantly, CLAIM them.

Yes, I'm aware that you're likely to offend others and earn their envy. But hop on that Maserati already, instead of wasting your life envying those other motherfuckers driving BMWs. After all, is envy and regret getting you anywhere?

Today's Link - Vision and Simplicity

2011-06-14T13:03:00.001-04:00

I love stories about how great movies were made and about filmmakers' thought processes. There's a sub-genre that can be denominated "The Temperamental Artiste". This is the director or artist who often makes others suffer long hours and intolerable conditions in order to get his exacting vision down.

So, I was delighted to come across a story that's in a completely different vein, (click on the link for the full anecdote):

Do you remember that famous scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, where Indy confronts a Tunisian swordsman: The swordsman twirls his weapon menacingly. Indy backs off, perplexed. Then he suddenly brightens, pulls out his pistol, and bang, shoots his opponent dead.

Here Spielberg embodies the attitude of the King of Swords: he cuts through the bull to come up with a fair, insightful, and brilliantly simple solution. Whenever you're seemingly mired in an insoluble dilemma, meditate upon that scene.

Being Helpful vs. Being Used

2011-06-13T12:59:00.003-04:00

Everyone wants to be good, right? And what better way of being good than being helpful? It's useful, it's practical, and it gives you a sense of accomplishment. But if you often find that you feel angry when you help others, maybe it's time to reconsider your concepts of helping others.

This can be of particular concern for Virgo. With its opposite sign of Pisces, Virgoans often feel an inner pull to sacrifice themselves when helping others. Interestingly enough, for an earth sign, Virgos can be especially prone to codependency.
I thought of this recently when a good friend lost a work opportunity because he was too busy helping someone. He got so sidetracked, he devoted an entire day to someone else's project, and didn't check his inbox.

"Look, you have to learn to say NO."

"I know, I know, but it's so hard!!"

He's right. It is hard to say no when you're used to saying yes. First, saying yes all the time is an ingrained habit. Plus, often we don't want to risk upsetting the other person. For those of us who grew up with rage-filled, immature adults, getting someone upset can feel particularly dangerous.

The thing is, there is no change without pain. Let me break it down for you. You wouldn't expect to run a triathlon without training for one, right?^** While training, you're going to sweat. You will get side stitches. If you run long distances, trust me, you'll get a black toenail or two. That's not even counting the sore muscles, skin chafing, and occasional injury. Yes, I know, we all look at those buff, fit athletes and envy them, but really they worked their asses off and endured a lot of unpleasant stuff in order to look and feel that good.

Think of changing your bad habit of always acquiescing as a form of life training. It is unrealistic to expect any kind of training to be easy, right? When you first start triathlon training, you have to endure the initial discomfort without giving up. By the same token, when you're learning to say no, you have to endure the discomfort of worrying that others will get angry.

So what, though? Don't you get angry when you realized that you've sacrificed one of your priorities just so you could help someone else? Why doesn't your anger count? Anger doesn't last forever. People do get over stuff and they'll get used to you having to say no from time to time. In fact, saying no is a good barometer for gauging someone's decency and groundedness; a good and reasonable person will not expect you to go out on a limb for them. Anyone who demands or freaks out when you have to decline, is someone you don't want in your life anyway.

Just like any new habit, it is only after much practice that it ends up feeling natural. After you've learned to endure your own discomfort, saying no will come easily. There's a new-found freedom in being able to decide when you can help others without constantly risking your own well-being. That weight off your shoulders is the resentment you'd been carrying for too long.

______________
** (Okay, yes, there are people who may be able to pull this off, but they're usually young or super-athletic and even then the results are not pretty, as evidenced by this Radiolab podcast about Julie Moss.)

Saturn in Libra and the Fine Art of Negotiation

2011-06-08T14:00:00.005-04:00

Justice, The Marseille Tarot

I went on a blind date Sunday night and he unexpectedly gave me a great gift. The topic of jobs and salaries came up, and I mentioned that I was not very good at negotiating.

"I don't have the killer instinct, I'm afraid," I said.

"Negotiation is not about a killer instinct at all," he said. "That's what everyone gets wrong! It's just like dating."

"How so?"

"When you go on a date, you are both trying to assess what you want from the other person, as well as what you can offer. If the other person has what you need and want and vice versa, you got a match! It's the same with negotiation."

I thought this was brilliant and I told him so.

"It's not brilliant, it's true! Yes, there have been times when someone has tried to get my back to the wall in a business transaction, but that was rare and I didn't do business with them again. The point is to both come to the point where you're both getting something out of the deal."

I woke up the next day and realized this perfectly encapsulates the current transit of Saturn in Libra. Libra is concerned with issues of fairness, not just to others, but also to oneself. Saturn is concerned with doing the right thing, not because it looks good or makes oneself well-liked, but because you have integrity.

Interestingly, my date brought up dating and business as examples and the 7th house, ruled by Libra, doesn't just refer to one's long-term romantic partners, but also to long-term business partners.

Personally, what I found particularly helpful about his observation is the fact that, unfortunately, I had an ingrained idea that relationships are either/or; "either I get what I want or you do". But there is a middle point in which neither side has to give up everything; both parties can feel that they got a fair deal. What won't work is making ultimatums or asking the other party to make concessions while you make none. Under Saturn in Libra, this is going to come up more and more in partnerships.

Remember that Libra weighs the scales. In a fair interaction, they're balanced. No one's needs outweigh the other's.

Have you found yourself thinking about balancing the scales in relationships?

Opposite Signs and Other Balancing Acts

2011-06-07T09:34:00.001-04:00

Image Credit: Pop + Politics

You've heard the tired cliché that opposites attract. You may or may not agree with this, but regardless, astrologically, the sign opposite our own has a lot to teach us. First, let me clarify that by opposite sign, I am referring to the one 6 months before yours. If you have a hard time with math (and I often do), I'll list the 6 pairs of opposing signs:

Aries - Libra
Taurus - Scorpio
Gemini - Sagittarius
Cancer - Capricorn
Leo - Aquarius
Virgo - Pisces

Although each pair supposedly encompasses two opposites, I am developing the philosophy that the solution to any dilemma lies in the opposite sign. So, for instance, Aries is a very me-centered sign. It can often be very egotistical, aware only of its needs and wants. This can be very off-putting, needless to say. In negotiations, a stereotypical, unevolved Aries might make demands that will suit him -- and no one else. Unless that Arian is very rich or very powerful, he's likely to get shot down. The solution would be to look to Libra, a sign that's concerned with diplomacy. (I will expand on this in an upcoming post.)

Taurus is very sensuous and materialistic. Taurus is earthy. Scorpio is certainly no less sensuous, by any means, but the emphasis in relationships is deeper and more at a soul-level.

Gemini is concerned with communication, almost to the point of not being able to discern what's important. (Supposedly, anyway.) Sagittarius is concerned with deeper philosophies, deeper knowledge, etcetera.

Cancer rules the hearth and Capricorn the business world. Cancers are emotional and Capricorns are practical and detached.

Leo is concerned with garnering attention for his own creative brainchildren. Aquarius' concerns are geared around what's best for the world at large.

And lastly, if you go to a Virgo with a problem, say, that you've lost your job, he is apt to edit your resume. Pisces will give you a drink! Or maybe say a prayer for you.

These are brief, imprecise descriptions, but each sign represents a different side of an axis. On some level, each pair is concerned with the same thing. They just take a different approach to the problem. I'm going to explore some of these polarities in future posts.

Today's Link - Mental Well-Being

2011-06-06T09:59:00.001-04:00

Today's link comes from Business Week, of all places!

Few people know about what it takes to have optimum mental health, and the implications of being out of balance. It is not taught in schools, or discussed in business. The issue just isn't on the table. Businesses schedule time as if the brain had unlimited resources, as if we could focus well all day long. Every week I talk to an organization who says that their biggest problem is simply the overwhelm their people are feeling. Without good information about the mind and brain, we may be stretching ourselves in ways that may have bigger implications than poor eating habits.

All I can say is: Duh! On the other hand, the fact that this is in one of the most read business news magazines is excellent news.

Venus Saturn and "Shoulding" Yourself to Despair

2011-06-01T15:59:00.016-04:00

Lambert Sustris, Venus and Love, Louvre, 1554

The image of a stern schoolmaster is associated with Saturn. He believes that sparing the rod, spoils the child. I don't know, maybe it's my 9th house Pisces Moon talking or my 5th house Mars in Sag, but I don't think that severity is necessarily the best way to learn a lesson. Recently I've been thinking about the relationship between "should" and a Venus Saturn contact in one's chart.

For instance, if you don't eat sweets, not even an occasional ice cream cone, because you "should" be good. Or if you avoid indulging in silk sheets, even if they're on sale, because you "should" be practical. "Should" sounds so oppressive, doesn't it? You should do this, you should do that... It's all about obligation and the right thing to do, instead of the fun thing to do.

And you know what? If you have an inner taskmaster always telling you what you SHOULD do, that's a heavy weight to carry. Not only can people see it in your face, and in the way you walk and carry yourself, they can feel it. It's true!

Alexandre Cabanel's Naissance de Vénus (Birth of Venus),
Musée d'Orsay, Paris

Contrast that with the images of Venus through the ages. First off, she's naked. Yes, she knows she "should" wear something. But it's so much more fun and carefree and irreverent to be in the buff, isn't it? And that way you don't have to worry about whether you're wearing the right clothing for the occasion. Or if it's properly pressed. Secondly, she's often seen lying in bed. Shouldn't she get up? She doesn't seem to care. Another thing, not to be rude, but, ahem, isn't she a little on the chubby side? Should she really be having that extra serving of chocolate? Shouldn't she get up off her duff and, I don't know, work out or something? And yet she looks perfectly pleased with herself!!

The men don't seem to mind the extra padding. Hmm. Maybe it's her easy laugh, her willingness to carouse, her ability to enjoy life and, well, enjoy THEM. The whole male species and everything they have to offer.

Venus doesn't care. She's carefree and all she wants to do is indulge in life's pleasures. All she wants to do is play! Hiroki Niizato wrote a blog post some years ago, about how Venus is all about fun and games! No, not mind games that end up hurting people, but flirting IS a form of play. Sometimes it may lead to commitment, in a Saturn-approved way. But even when it doesn't, the whole point of Venus is taking delight in the senses.

If you're a woman and find that you're having a hard time bringing Venus into your life, I suggest taking a page off her book. Leave the diet for tomorrow. Wear your best silk dress now. Put on perfume, every day. Flirt outrageously with each and every attractive man you see. You're a goddess, and the poor bastards are hungry for every scrap of love you throw their way. Appreciate the male gender, their smell, their raucous ways, how different they are from you, and how much fun they can be! Laugh at their jokes! And always always order dessert.

Three Josephs and Dreamtime

2011-05-31T13:10:00.002-04:00

Cassiopeia 1 (verso) c. 1960; Estate of Joseph Cornell

Isn't it interesting how many famous Josephs are connected to dreams and the unconscious?

The most famous one is clearly the Biblical Joseph, whose talent for dream interpretation earned him the wrath of his brothers and, eventually, endeared him to Pharaoh. His skills in reading the subconscious omens saved Egypt and brought his family back into his graces.

The second one that comes to mind is Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero With A Thousand Faces among other seminal works. His examination of the Hero's Journey, a keystone of myths everywhere, was and remains inspirational and insightful to artists and dreamers everywhere. I can't say that Campbell was the first in understanding the psyche's deep need for story, but he is certainly one of the most influential commentators on it.

One of my favorite artists of all time is Joseph Cornell. Cornell lived most of his life in Utopia Parkway, Queens. Isn't that an appropriate place for a man who combed the dreamscape to make his surrealistic, lyrical, magical dioramas?

I find the blend of mystery and childlike delight in found objects utterly delightful. Looking at his work is a good way to tune into reverie and that, in turn, is a good vehicle into the random messages coming from the subconscious and the unknown. He makes excellent use of astronomy, symbolism, Victorian ink drawings, and the kinds of objects a schoolboy would stuff in his pockets. This is all the stuff of Neptune and you can see why this planet is considered the higher octave of Venus.

So, there you have it, folks. Three Josephs, three ways of tapping into the unconscious: dreams, story and art. All three are fantastic ways of accessing your inner guide. If you need to fine-tune your intuitive talents, these are three good starts.

The Cost of the Benefit of the Doubt

2011-05-30T12:24:00.002-04:00

I used to love true crime documentaries. I've always been fascinated with the way in which people survive traumatic experiences. One day some months back, I was watching a particularly harrowing story with the man I was dating at the time. This story genuinely left a mark on me, to the point where I had nightmares the next day.

The story, in a nutshell, was about the murder of Tom and Jackie Hawkes. They were a retired couple who lived on a beautiful 55 foot boat. They were happy, grounded, loving, and well-loved. With the birth of their first grandchild, they decided to sell the boat to live near the family.

Skylar Deleon, a good-for-nothing former child actor, contacted them, fully intent on defrauding them. Tom Hawkes was a former probation officer and, as such, he was suspicious of Deleon at first. Deleon intuited this and, in order to dispel Tom's doubts, he phoned his then-pregnant wife and ordered her to bring their infant son to the meeting. The plan worked. After all, who wouldn't want to help a young couple with a little boy and another one on the way?

The Hawkes arranged for a boat test run, to which Deleon brought two large men, under the pretense that they were his lawyer and accountant. The truth was Hawkes was very fit and strong, and Deleon was no match for him.

This proved fatal and their end was particularly horrific. You'll have to click on the link to find out, because thinking about it still bothers me.

Anyway, some days later, my friend and I were discussing the episode.

"It just comes to show you," I said. "Never, ever question your gut!"

"Yeah," my friend said. "Hawkes should've recruited a couple of other guys to go with them on the test run. As back-up."

"No, not if he was going to go out to sea with them. You're completely vulnerable out there! As soon as that little alarm goes off in your head, walk away."

"But," my friend protested. "If you're not willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, that means you can't trust anyone!"

This is not a moral judgment on Tom and Jackie Hawkes, by the way. It is not my intention to comment on what I would've done in their place. They were clearly victims of particularly vile sociopaths. Their story is truly heartbreaking and my heart goes out to their friends and family. I only talk about it because of the discussion that it sparked, specifically, my friend's backward notions about trust.

His response is very telling and, very common, I'm afraid. It seems that a lot of people feel that if they are not willing to give others the benefit of the doubt, that is a reflection on their own worth. This philosophy is particularly dangerous for women. There is a lot of pressure on us to be good and kind. Who wants to be a bitch?

But, here's the thing, trust is something that's earned. That's why the word "trust" is stamped on our currency. Would you give away a sizable amount of money to anyone who walked up to you, demanding it? Of course not, no one would! And, yet people routinely give their trust to people without knowing them well, people who haven't earned it and obviously are not willing to work for it. Ask yourself: What's more important, your money or your physical and psychological safety?

There's a huge difference in giving the benefit of the doubt to someone you know well and giving it to someone you hardly know. If you don't know the person well AND your gut is giving you a code blue, you are not morally obligated to bestow them your trust. In fact, it's just the opposite! Being cautious with your trust does not make you bad. And being trusting does not mean you're automatically good. You might be especially prone to this notion if you're a Pisces Sun or Moon, or if you have prominent Neptune aspects in your natal chart.

I genuinely do not know where this idea came from, but it is pervasive. Believe me, psychopaths and con-men make good use of this backward notion. Think of trust as your most valuable possession. If someone is not willing to earn it, don't give it away.

Mission: ONE Very Personal Tarot Card

2011-05-25T18:57:00.004-04:00

Jumping off my latest post about Tarot and art, I realized, Hey, why take on an entire deck? How about just making ONE card whose energies I want to manifest in my life?

Anyone else want to join me? Here are some guidelines:

The card can be either from the Major or Minor Arcana
The symbolism can be extremely personal. In fact, it SHOULD be wholly particular to you. Say you associate Strength with your Father's snow-shovel. Think about it. Happiness for one person could be a memory of smoking a Gauloise at a French café and for another it could be a veggie burger. It's YOUR personal Tarot.
Any medium will do. If you can't draw at all, try collage!! It can even be a diorama or even clay figurines. Or paper-doll cut-outs! I've always wanted to make a Cornell box, like the gorgeous one below by Joseph Cornell, which could easily be The Fool or The Magician.
Collaborations are fine.
Question: Should it be a contest?

Please post additional ideas or suggestions in the comments.

Tarot and Art

2011-05-24T14:44:00.041-04:00

A long time ago, my ex-husband and I undertook a project of making our own Tarot from collage. I have since lost those cards but, nevertheless, using art to access your inner guide is both terrific fun and very enlightening. It's like having your own personal Tarot deck.

I just discovered these amazing images by artist Anna Shaw. Shaw is clearly inspired by Tarot and Astrology. I can't wait to see her completed version of the Major Arcana! Do her renditions bring you a new perspective on the cards? My favorite is her version of The Hierophant.

Another artist with gorgeous work on Tarot and astrology is Aunia Kahn. Kahn has produced the Silver Era Tarot and you can buy it on her website. Whether you appreciate her art for its own sake or whether you're curious to buy her deck, there's no denying Kahn has a very distinctive and evocative style.

And, lastly, Mont Saint-Johns' pen and ink drawings of the Major Arcana are spare, whimsical, and elegant. I find the primitive quality very refreshing.

But don't let these gifted artist stop you from doing your own artistic Tarot renderings. If you can't paint, draw, or take pictures, try collage. Art is a way of delving deeper into your subconscious, which in turn can lead to a richer understanding when doing readings.

Great Links

2011-05-23T14:20:00.003-04:00

I thought I'd link to some great information I found:

I loved Elaine Aron's solution to accessing your best self:

You are still you, but if you think about it you can recognize that you also feel almost like a different person when you are with your parents compared to when with your best friend, or when you are with the highway patrol officer who has stopped you for speeding, your supervisor at work, or face-to-face with the person in your life you most respect. You switch selves according to the situation, but have you ever thought about switching selves to make yourself feel better?

Will definitely try it next time I'm at a loss.

Faith Vs. Magical Thinking

2011-05-22T10:41:00.002-04:00

From a 13th Century Haggadah, Catalonia, Spain - (The Rylands Collection)

The word "simple" sometimes has connotations of being "easy." If you tell someone a problem and they answer that the solution is "simple", you may feel a little foolish. On the other hand, we've all encountered puzzles that seem devilish complicated, only to solve them thanks to a flash of insight. Oftentimes, the more impenetrable a mystery, the simpler the solution. We hit ourselves on the forehead that we didn't figure it out earlier. Duh!

The problem, though, is that although the solution may be simple, implementing it is bloody hard. For instance, your pants are getting snug. The solution? Eat less, move more. But it's so damned hard to actually do it, ain't it? That's because what makes something hard or easy has nothing to do with practicality; rather, we all have psychological blocks that keep us from seeing what is plain to everyone else. Also, most of us have suffer from wishful thinking from time to time. Haven't we all wanted a silver bullet for our biggest challenge? Like, say, a magic pill that takes away our hunger so that we wake up sated and less likely to binge. Winning the lottery. Having a chance encounter with a beguiling stranger and immediately knowing that he or she is the One.

But, as Madonna famously said, we live in a material world. In other words, if we want something to happen, we have to put in real, tangible effort. This might sound like a strange thing to read on a Tarot and Astrology site, but I can't lie to you. There's a reason we live on planet Earth and one of the reasons is precisely that we can't rely on the ethereal to make our dreams come true. Yes, there are moments of exceptional magic in which rewards just fall in our laps. But, unfortunately, the human animal, male or female, does not value "easy".

I bring this up because I myself have an extremely difficult time with reality. I have a Pisces Moon and all too often I've been guilty of indulging in a fantasy that often turned out to be destructive. In just about every instance, I can lay the blame at the door of expecting an overnight solution. Those of us with New Age beliefs can struggle with the plain hard facts. So what is faith, then? It can be very confusing...

Many years ago, I heard a great midrash (a rabbinic story) during the Passover service. The rabbi was talking about the story of the Israelites fleeing Pharaoh's men. They got to the Red Sea and they'd been told that the waters would part, but... Nothing happened. Pharaoh and his men were getting closer and closer, and still nothing happened. Finally, one man named Nachshon stepped into the waters. And they did not part. Nachshon kept going, until the water hit his ankles, his knees, his waist... And the waters still did not part. But he kept on wading in, even when he was neck-deep and still nothing happened. Finally, the water came up to his nose and, finally, the waters parted.

Nachshon illustrates real faith, not the kind that expects things to happen without taking action first. And I'm not saying it's easy. I can imagine Nachshon was freaking out a little bit right about the time he was neck-deep. He may have turned around and seen the dust clouds from the Pharaoh's chariots closing in. But nevertheless, he did not passively expect a miracle without some action on his part. That is not the world we live in. So, make use of the Tarot and the invisible, yes. But don't expect a miracle unless you're actually taking practical steps. You can only have the magic, if you're willing to do the work.

Toxic Nostalgia and Jumping to Conclusions

2011-05-15T11:01:00.000-04:00

First off, I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts in a week. Blogger was on the fritz, yes, but I was also feeling very uninspired.

Many years ago, I came across a book called Emotional Resilience by David Viscott. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. In this book, Viscott guides us in breaking out of patterns that keep us stuck in life. One of the most eye-opening concepts in the book, and certainly one that relates to Pluto, is that of "toxic nostalgia". This is when buried emotions from the past inappropriately crop up in the present. Here's the example he uses to illustrate his point:

An old widower, reclusive after the death of his wife, was annoyed by some boys who stole apples from his orchard. When the boys ignored his warning, the old man shot into the trees and killed two of them. As he was taken away, he explained pitifully, "But I warned them," as if that were enough to justify his actions. [...] Although this example is extreme, it reflects how all feelings stored in Emotional Debt undergo distortion. As new hurts are held in, they are combined with the old, adding to the pressure and the potential for discharge as Toxic Nostalgia. If the feelings are allowed to build to intolerable levels, they can be triggered by a symbolic emotional event and be released without sufficient consideration of the consequences, as in this tragic case. The old man felt robbed because fate stole his wife from him - his inner struggle. When the boys stole his apples, they reawakened the feelings of outrage and powerlessness that he felt when his wife died. He was highly charged to protect himself from the next robbery and to avenge the old one by proxy.

It wasn't until recently, in fact, not until I began to write this morning's entry, that I realized that toxic nostalgia is Pluto par excellence: abandonment; helplessness; control; an overly emotional reaction to an event; and, finally, a scorched earth approach. Most importantly, and this is the key in understanding how to handle one's Pluto, what is actually happening in the here and now awakens the memory of a prior, more traumatic event. Whenever you feel absolutely certain that you're being wronged or betrayed, as soon as you feel the impulse to avenge yourself, that's the moment when you have to pull back.

Another aspect of Pluto that can make it especially harsh comes precisely as a consequence of that rageful reaction. See, anger demands action. (This is why Mars in your chart points to what motivates you to act.) The horrible part of the story is that the action that a Plutonian's emotions force him to take are completely out of of proportion with what is actually happening. So, of course, the Plutonian must pay. This adds to a sense of confusion and guilt, which compound the original trauma to the Plutonian. In addition, now there are newly traumatized people. In this way, this remind me of all those vampire and werewolf stories in which the surviving victims of the attacks are then doomed to become predators themselves.

If any of this resonates with you, read Viscott's book. A book in and of itself will not resolve this, however. Resolving trauma requires a multi-pronged approach. Asides from self-awareness, which is crucial in resolving any trauma, it's useful to learn a technique for reining in powerful emotions as they arise, such as meditation, martial arts, and so forth.

All those traumatic events are stored in the lizard part of our brains, which is set up to react swiftly to any threat. Deactivating erroneous settings takes a lot of effort, patience, and self-awareness. Meditate upon the meaning of the Strength card. The maiden overcomes the beast through patience, understanding, compassion, and strength of character.

Astrology Movie Club - Night of The Hunter

2011-05-08T21:01:00.001-04:00

A week from now I will be writing some posts based on Charles Laughton's classic film Night of the Hunter. If you haven't seen it already, I highly recommend it!

If you have any significant aspects to Neptune and Pluto, you'll get a lot out of the discussion. Please watch it in the coming days so that I can go in depth into the astrology and you'll understand what I refer to. Any questions or suggestions are very much appreciated!

Pluto and Emotional Terrorists

2011-05-07T12:49:00.001-04:00

I'm going back to Pluto today. Remember Pluto? Like I said in earlier posts, the pain Pluto causes is directly related to an over-attachment to a relationship or thing. It's easy to understand a toxic relationship or refusing to leave a bad situation, but what if what we need to release is something subtler? What if what's really harming us is an image of ourselves or others?

This is much harder to suss out because it's internal. It might be perfectly obvious, though, mostly because you're making yourself miserable -- and everyone else around you!

I thought about this recently when I covered for a secretary who was going on vacation. This woman works for a very high-powered man and her job is very demanding. Just in case it wasn't perfectly obvious, she made sure to remind me of this at every turn.

She complained that she wasn't appreciated and that the job didn't align with her values -- she is a Buddhist--, yet she still let the job define her. She needed to be the perfect assistant, one who makes no mistakes. In fact, she told me as much: "Don't worry, you're just covering for me, so they know you'll make mistakes. I, on the other hand, don't make any mistakes." Ah-ha! I thought. There's your problem right there.

If she's so unhappy, why doesn't she quit? I'll hazard a guess, one that I think is related to Pluto: Perfection requires martyrdom. "You see," says Perfection, the terrorist. "If something is easy and fun, then it's not a real test of how far you're willing to go."

We may all admire the perfect, but we also roll our eyes at them behind our backs. Let's face it, perfectionists are total pains in the asses! They may be right, but bring tension and stress to any situation. This makes things worse for everyone involved. Think about the last time someone rode you for a mistake. You tensed up. You began to doubt yourself or get angry. Getting emotional made you less likely to think straight and thus MORE apt to make mistakes. Which led to the perfectionist becoming more demanding. The atmosphere deteriorated further.

My theory of Pluto is that wherever you have Pluto, that's where you're beholden to an idealized or corrupt image. And this idealization is a form of emotional terrorism. I define emotional terrorist as one who makes unreasonable demands. In the chart, it's a personalized form of tyranny.

I bet this lady has Pluto in her sixth house, the house of everyday work and service. I already know she has Pluto in Virgo, exacerbating her need for perfection. Someone with an aspect between Pluto and Mars may live with an over-idealized idea of what it means to be a man. He's the man's man who insists on being tough and never asking for help, even as this drives everyone around him crazy. A Pluto Moon aspect might show up as the martyred mother figure who demands to be put first no matter what. (Why? Because she's your mother!)

I've known a couple of men who need to be the "good guy." This is the guy who always gives others the benefit of the doubt -- even if the other guy is coming at him with a chainsaw. That's the thing about emotional terrorism: You will always be destroyed in the end. If an image or situation doesn't allow you some flexibility, you're living in tyranny.

You're human. You are not meant to be perfect. It's a complete distortion of our life on Earth. Only God is perfect. You are not God. By asking too much of yourself, you're guaranteed to fail in a spectacular way. It's like the Tower of Babel. Hubris leads to ruinous results.

Astrology Movie Club

2011-05-02T20:41:00.001-04:00

The inimitable Buster Keaton and friend in The Cameraman

Many years ago, I started a movies and astrology discussion on the Node-o-rama astrology forum. Movies have been a very important part of my development. I spent many years asleep at the wheel. By this I mean that I had absolutely no idea how I felt, never mind WHY I felt a certain way.

In those days, I got my most important insights into my real life while watching movies. I don't mean to imply that this was fun, by the way. There was that one time I realized how I operated in relationships while watching The Runaway Bride. Everyone around me was laughing. I was cringing, doing my best to hold back the tears.

I find that some astrology stuff is best explained through those flickering images projected onscreen. I did not originate the concept. Many of you who follow astrology have read posts that reference movies in a number of places. My friend Jeffrey Kishner co-edited a whole book about it. And many of you who follow Elsa's blog know she references movies a lot and to great effect.

But I still think it's both a fun and a worthwhile pursuit, especially if we go deep. Maybe this is crazy but I actually think doing so can help up us heal some of our more difficult aspects. Anyhow, I will propose a movie and give everyone a chance to see it. Then, a week later, let's have a real time discussion and delve into the movie in depth, astrologically speaking, of course. Comments actively encouraged!!

Murky Waters

2011-05-01T12:47:00.007-04:00

After yesterday's post, I thought of those instances in which a reading isn't clear at all. What then?

Yes, you can pull out more cards in search of clarity. But sometimes, those cards may add to the confusion. I have some theories on this.

Still from the movie Black Water

The querent does not really want an answer. Let's face it, sometimes we're afraid that the truth is our worst fear coming true. This is not the same as saying that the worst WILL come true, only that our fear keeps us from really being open to the answer. (And yet the answer might very well be positive!) Ask yourself: Am I really prepared for the answer?
The querent is overly invested in a particular outcome. This is a variant of number one, except that the querent wants to impose her will on the cards. When I was first learning to read, one of my mother's friends had a boyfriend who was causing her much anguish. In my naivete, I offered to read her cards. The first spread told her what was already obvious to everyone: The guy was a jerk and he wasn't going to give her what she wanted. (You don't always need the Tarot.) Not satisfied with the answer, she reshuffled and asked the question again. Same answer. So, she asked for a THIRD reading. Well, you can't bully the cards, folks. This time the spread was incomprehensible. In her state of denial, she saw this as good sign! Oh, wow, there's HOPE! Ask yourself: Do I just want to hear what I want to hear or am I willing to learn I'm wrong?
The querent is in an overly emotional state. A recent event may be so shocking, that the querent is in an emotional tailspin. A consultation immediately after a break-up might not be the best time to ask if you're ever going to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship. First things first. The moment calls for self-care and grounding. On the other hand, if the crisis calls for quick action, like say, if you're in the cross-hairs of a powerful person, it's prime time for a reading. You will get a lucid answer on how to save your hide. Ask yourself: Is the time ripe for action or am I better served by pulling back?
The querent is attached to the status quo. This is a variant of number two, except that the querent is not as willful. This situation may occur if the querent is in a state of blissful denial; he's vaguely aware that something's amiss, but wants to lie to himself a little longer. Also, the denial hasn't reached a breaking point -- YET. This doesn't happen often. Ask yourself: Am I really open to the cards?

The cards usually want to tell you what you're not seeing. Your energy is a powerful aspect of a reading. Grounding yourself beforehand can help the cards access clear solutions to your dilemma. If you feel that finding an answer is crucial, wait a few days until you feel you're ready.

The Tarot is very practical, I always say. It will offer answers that you can handle only when you can handle them. And if you don't want to hear the answers, it will often respect that too -- just so long as you're not in danger.

How To Make The Most Of A Tarot Reading

2011-04-30T16:46:00.002-04:00

I'm going to interrupt my series on Pluto and concentrate on the Tarot for today's post. There are many misconceptions surrounding Tarot. If a movie features Tarot, the Death card invariably shows up to scare the bejeezus out of the poor protagonist and, sure enough, the doomsayer is usually right. Another prevalent notion is that Tarot readers are witches, out to make a quick buck on the gullible, by making stuff up and then suggesting an endless series of expensive potions. Yet another idea is that the reader should know everything about the querent just by looking at the cards. And, lastly, and this one is the most harmful, in my opinion, there's a notion that the querent has no control over the future laid out in the cards.

The Tarot is a valuable resource that's at your disposal whenever you need it. Like any tool, however, there are ways of using it to get the most of what it has to offer.

The Question

You don't have to tell the reader your question at the beginning of the session. In fact, I find it easier to read the cards if I don't know anything. However, it can be very useful to let the reader know your purpose. Do you need to make a decision about something? Are you in a fix and can't see any options? Is the reading just for fun? Some spreads are more effective for certain specific purposes.

If you do have a question, keep it in mind as you shuffle the cards. If you don't and are curious about what the cards have to say, keep a clear mind. Take your time. If you need a few moments to ground yourself, let the reader know. I strongly suggest that you keep the focus on yourself and your options.

Shuffling

There is no right or wrong way to shuffle. This is not Vegas and you're not playing Texas Hold 'Em. Handle the cards in whatever way feels most natural to you -- you're shaking hands with the Tarot, as it were. If you need to spread the cards out on the table and mix them as if they were dominoes, do so. Oh, and you can take as long as you want. You're not catching a train.

The Spread

Once the cards are laid out, allow the reader the time to get her bearings. Sometimes the nature of the question pops up immediately. Other times, the spread is murkier and more difficult to work with and the answer develops slowly as the reader speaks. However, if you have any questions about what she means or need a card clarified, you can stop her and ask. In my opinion, the Tarot works best through interaction. Just try not to interrupt the flow or go into interrogation mode.

The Message

The reader doesn't have to understand what she's saying. In fact, many times I get a strong intuition that doesn't make sense to me but that immediately resonates with the querent. If you're particularly attracted to a card or if it reminds you of something that seems completely unrelated, bring it up.

Sometimes the spread is like a mystery that you and the reader must solve together. In fact, talking about some of the imagery on a card, or telling her what it reminds you of, is a good way to collaborate. The Tarot works particularly well in conjunction with dreams, artwork, daydreams, etc.

Sometimes the Tarot points to a specific course of action and you don't feel up to the task: say, that you should accept a promotion in a particularly challenging department. You can then ask the Tarot what resources you can call on to accomplish the job.

Remember, YOU are the intended recipient of the message. If you still have doubts, you can always pick more cards for clarification.

Why Is It So Hard to Let Go? Fear Vs. Terror

2011-04-29T12:49:00.001-04:00

In my previous post, I gave some pointers on how to recognize if Pluto is affecting you. In a nutshell, you're under the influence of Pluto if you're overly attached to a relationship or thing that's causing you harm and you refuse to part with it. It's always easier to recognize a toxic element in someone else's life than in your own.

We've all had a really good friend who refuses to break up with a psycho jerk. He or she might call you at all hours of the night, in crisis mode, to complain about the latest outrage s/he's been subjected to. When you ask why s/he doesn't just break it off, s/he will protest, "But I love him/her!!" After a while, you don't know who's crazier, the psycho lover or your poor deluded buddy.

Sometimes we're the ones in the role of the poor deluded devil. Usually, we have an inkling this is happening. But even when we finally face the truth, we still can't let go. Why is that?

Terror.

Terror is fear magnified. I make the distinction because fear can be a very useful emotion, one we should heed under the right circumstances. Real fear can signal you when to scream, when to run, when to attack, when to keep quiet. There's a distinctive clarity to fear.

Terror, on the other hand, paralyzes. It overwhelms you. Everyone's out to get you. Every setback is insurmountable. You lose all perspective. You must have absolute control over everything in order to forestall a catastrophic fate. Sound melodramatic? It is. Absolutely. But keep in mind that it's only melodramatic from the outside. To the person in terror's grip, it's a pragmatic perspective.

You see, terror is the result of a traumatic event. Here's an example from my life.

In 2001, I worked south of the Wall Trade Center. My office was located right on the tip of Manhattan, with glorious views of the Hudson that stretched clear across to New Jersey.

On 9/11, over the radio, we heard that the first tower collapsed. I didn't grasp what it meant until I looked out the window. My stomach flipped. I couldn't see a thing. Thick black smoke and ashes blotted out the entire view.

Later, I made my way uptown, to a friend's house. For days afterward, I insisted on packing a small bag with clothing and food, just in case the terrorists attacked again and my friend and I had to walk to Canada.

My friend was gracious enough to nod diplomatically, the way one does when faced with a lunatic. She indulged me when I placed small bags by the foot of our beds. I could tell she thought I was mad, by the way. But I knew she just wasn't being realistic. Oh, yes, I thought. When there's an emergency evacuation and we're the only ones prepared, thanks to my foresight, we'll see who's crazy THEN!!

Yes, I know, getting to Canada from New York City on foot is a ridiculous notion. It's downright laughable. But, man, it made so much sense at the time!

I'm telling this story for a reason. First, it's a good example of the link between terror and trauma. Second, it illustrates the extent to which terror distorts our logical processes. Which reminds me of another indication that you're in Pluto's grip: You lose your ability to laugh at the absurd, especially if you're the source. (I'm convinced this is why the Buddha is always laughing.)

Let's go back to the poor devil with the psycho lover. After a while, you know that if you suggest s/he break up with Psycho, s/he's going to give you one excuse after the other. After hours of absolutely maddening rationalizations and tragic scenarios, you will finally get to the heart of the matter, when s/he acknowledges, "But what if I end up all alone?!"

That's the catastrophic end s/he envisions, so s/he prefers to put up with abuse.

This is perfectly plausible to your poor friend. At some crucial point in the formative years, s/he suffered a traumatic loss.

This is Pluto's function in your life, by the way. If you work with it, you will heal this trauma by being able to gain perspective and conquer your terror. Learn how to deal with Pluto and not only will you earn your freedom, you will regain your power.

Dark Harvests - What does Pluto represent?

2011-04-27T13:56:00.002-04:00

Pluto may have been demoted to a planetoid but it is still a heavy-weight. Whether you have a significant natal aspect to Pluto or whether it's currently making a significant transit to your chart, it's useful to keep certain things in mind in order to weather the storm. I'm not going to lie to you. Pluto is TOUGH. It is painful. Like the mythical Grim Reaper, it will cut down everything in its path. No doubt about it. It's frightening.

But what we often forget is that, though Grim, he IS a reaper. And despite the extent of the damage he leaves in his wake, there is always a re-blossoming. He's a farmer, right? Recently I listened to a podcast on This American Life that dispelled any illusions about farming being anything but back-breaking, disappointing, and heartbreaking. But you know what? There is still the promise of a harvest, regardless. And that's a positive side of the Grim Reaper that we tend to forget.

Now if I refer to Pluto and you don't know enough astrology to know what I mean, ask yourself:

Is there something in your life that is coming undone? This can be a relationship, a career, a project, hell, it can even be a house.
Have you been trying to salvage this by all means necessary and against all odds? Pluto represents those things that we refuse to give up. We put up a huge fight, even if it seems like it's a losing battle.
In your heart of hearts, do you KNOW that you're better off without it, but refuse to admit it? You're all alone right now, reading this entry. No one is going to overhear your thoughts. Be honest, now: This person or job or house or exercise routine -- whatever--, demands too much of your resources. Secretly you know it's true, but you flinch at the thought and want to brush it aside as soon as it pops up.
Are you terrified of letting it go? You know your BFF cock-blocks you at every happy hour, borrows your clothing with no intention of returning it, and always points out your flaws in public, but the thought of cutting ties with her terrifies you. "Nobody's perfect," you say? If you're making too many excuses, welcome to Denial Land. We guarantee you will NOT enjoy your stay here.
Is it bringing out your worst side? Have you become a nag? A wimp? A harpy? Have you become one-dimensional? It's funny, in writing class, the teacher always says that a character is not true to life if he's written like a caricature. Yesterday, it occurred to me that sometimes in real life we actually ARE caricatures. This usually happens when we are in denial or in the grip of an addiction.

If you've said yes to all the questions above, you now know what Pluto feels like. Congratulations! Knowing that you're in the grip of Pluto is the first step in learning how to handle it effectively. It is painful, I know.

I can say I've lived in a permanent Pluto transit. I will be your tour guide in navigating this seemingly dark and intractable force.

An Excellent Tarot Resource

2011-04-26T13:15:00.002-04:00

I want to give a shout-out to Dixie's daily Tarot column on ElsaElsa.com. She picks one card at random each day and writes these terrifically enlightening essays based on it. It is an excellent resource, whether you're a newbie reader or have more experience and want a different take. Dixie also has her own site!

Healing Psychic Wounds

2011-04-25T18:28:00.000-04:00

Chiron and Achilles in a fresco from Herculaneum (Museo Archeologico Nazionale, Naples)

Lynn Hayes' post about the recent Sun/Chiron sextile inspired me to write today's entry. After reading Lynn's terse but illuminating words, I thought about current ideas of healing psychic wounds and the contrasting methods of healing actual physical injuries. I have this vague and completely untested philosophy that "as without, so within", to paraphrase the common adage.

Recently, I injured my leg and back during a work-out. After consulting a specialist, an acquaintance referred me to her excellent physical therapists. After a thorough and thoughtful examination, they prescribed a series of daily exercises. Now, ever since I began working out enthusiastically some twelve years ago, I pushed myself hard. No pain, no gain, right? And when I tried the exercises I was prescribed, they hardly seemed like work at all. They were so easy and gentle as to seem ineffectual, at least from my perspective.

And yet undoubtedly, over the course of days and now months, this simple and gentle routine did heal me. It opened my eyes to the healing power of gentle persistence. Physical injury is one thing. Anyone who would tell someone who's broken his leg that he should "be tough and get over it" qualifies as an asshole.

Yet people who have undergone psychological trauma hear the phrase "get over it" a lot. As a society in general, we have entirely different rules and expectations regarding psychic pain. We expect people, especially men, to "tough it out," "handle it," "deal with it", and so forth. If all these commands sound harsh, it's because they are. On top of lacking any compassion whatsoever, this approach is utterly ineffectual and counterproductive. Worse still, it perpetuates the cycle of trauma since a reliable rule in life is that hurt people hurt others.

Regardless, this attitude applies even to understandably stressful and painful situations such as combat, mental and verbal abuse, rape, and abandonment. This is especially so if the trauma is in the distant past. But just like physical trauma, psychic wounds don't heal well on their own without the right cure.

In the instances in which seeking help is encouraged, there's very little guidance about how to distinguish a good psychologist from a bad one. This is no small distinction and oftentimes a perfectly empathetic analyst may turn out to be a mediocre healer.

In short, we need a compassionate and effective model for healing people's invisible wounds. And we need to open up our minds beyond the realm of the scientific. Anything that gives people hope and the tools for conquering their fears should be an acceptable option.

I never understood the condescension to the placebo effect, for instance. Who cares if it's all in your mind, as long as the pain is gone? Isn't that all that really matters? If it isn't quantifiable or explainable, well, there are lots of things that are just as real even if we can't touch them with our hands or derive a mathematical model for them.

Personally, in my quest to overcome an abusive childhood and a subsequent suicide attempt, I've had to utilize everything and anything that worked, often simultaneously. This included therapy, twelve-step groups, self-help manuals, astrology, Tarot cards, dream work, flower essences, gems, long-distance running, and, hell, even crying and throwing a tantrum. (Never underestimate the healing power of a good cry.)

The only reason I'm writing this blog and finally offering my psychic services is because I offered these solutions to my friends when they were in pain and they themselves found them useful. They pushed me to start reading for others.

I was lucky in that I found an excellent, kick-ass therapist. He fought with me -- yes, literally fought and sometimes yelled --, to listen to my gut. Whenever I tried to finagle him into telling me what I should do -- I didn't want the responsibility for actually making my own decisions, you see --, he would tell me that he was no oracle. "All the answers are inside you," he insisted.

This was the single most powerful tool he gave me and I offer it to you in turn. It's your life. No one can tell you how to live it. No one can know the depth of your sorrow. When there's a crisis or you're in pain, reach out to others, yes, but don't take their word as gospel. Avail yourself of every single tool at your disposal, as long as it makes you stronger, regardless of others' ridicule or skepticism. Be gentle and brave at the same time. Healing takes a long time but it is possible.

When To Consult the Tarot

2011-04-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

Pythia sitting on the Delphic Tripod

A friend and I were discussing the frequency in which I get readings. (Oh, yes, I get readings also. From someone else. I need a detached third party, just like anyone else.) Did I make all my decisions based on Tarot, he wanted to know.

The answer is no. There are plenty of times when I know what to do. The answer often reveals itself and I act upon it. This doesn't mean that I put away my Tarot deck. Actually, I interact with my cards all the time, not just when I read for others but to keep my ax sharp, so to speak.

Nevertheless, I thought about his question and realized that it is worthwhile coming up with a couple of guidelines so that the Tarot can speak most clearly to you:

Before making a major life decision. If you are considering a major life change but still have doubts about it, it can pay to schedule a reading. The Tarot can be very helpful in figuring out if the time is ripe or if you have to wait some more. But don't be satisfied with a yes or no answer. While the Tarot will often highlight an issue that you have overlooked -- say, you don't have the right training for the job change you're envisioning or you don't have enough funds --, it is extremely useful to ask the cards if there is any aspect of the situation that you are overlooking. The Tarot is actually very practical.
If you are in a psychologically dangerous situation that you cannot escape at the moment. Let us say that you work in a toxic office but you cannot leave the job just yet for any number of reasons. Maybe your husband lost his job and your paycheck is the only thing keeping the family afloat. You are stuck in this job for the time being and you must make the best of it but come home every day feeling diminished and hopeless. You really don't know how to deal with these people effectively. Oftentimes when we're in a bad place, the stress keeps us from seeing obvious solutions. The Tarot is a truly excellent tool for figuring out your options. I'm not talking just about other possible job prospects but also about your own inner resources and how to use them in practical terms.
When you keep running into the same destructive pattern. This one is a little more involved. In this case, the Tarot is a good starting point. Undoubtedly in this case, the best option is to consult a therapist. Personally I have found that a good therapist in conjunction with Tarot work is really powerful.
When you have made a risky decision already and realize you went out on a limb. Not all impulsive decisions are bad. Sometimes you have to take a risk and you know it. Nevertheless, once taken, the Tarot can guide you in figuring out how to minimize the risks -- or even how to make them work to your advantage.
When you know you must take a huge risk but need to figure out the best course of action beforehand. This is a classic reason for which to consult any oracle. In 480 BC, the Athenian general Themistocles wanted to know the best way to forestall the Persian army's advance and eventual destruction of his city. The odds were against the Athenians since the Persians were not only battle-tested, they greatly outnumbered them. Upon first consulting the Oracle at Delphi, he was told that destruction was imminent and all resistance futile. Nevertheless, Themistocles refused to accept this answer. He persisted and consulted the Oracle a second time which then advised, "a wall of wood alone shall be uncaptured, a boon to you and your children." The Oracle added, "Await not in quiet the coming of the horses, the marching feet, the armed host upon the land. Slip away. Turn your back. You will meet in battle anyway. O holy Salamis, you will be the death of many a woman's son between the seedtime and the harvest of the grain." Themistocles took the wall of wood to be war ships and persuaded the Athenians to invest their money into building such a fleet. Further, he evacuated the entire city of Athens to Salamis. Against all odds the swift and agile Athenian fleet vanquished the mighty Persians. I love this example not only because of its fascinating historical element but also because it proves that sometimes you know better than any oracle that you can't take the easy way out. If you are absolutely certain that you must undertake a dangerous mission, you can insist on getting clarification and guidance. Bear in mind that you may not always win; however, you may still be able to make the best of it. Nevertheless, if the Tarot advises you a third time that you can't forestall ruin by pursuing a particular course of action, then don't be stubborn and retreat. Remember that discretion is the better part of valor.

Lastly, the Tarot is merely a tool to guide you through the inevitable rough spots life offers. Be open to the messages. If you don't understand something, you can always ask for clarification.

The Teacher Inside You

2011-04-23T12:46:00.000-04:00

In the evening, all the cats who had participated in the rat-catching had a grand session at [the Swordsman's] house, and respectfully asked the great Cat to take the seat of honor. They made profound bows before her and said: "We all wish you to divulge your secrets for our benefit." The grand old cat answered: "Teaching is not difficult, listening is not difficult either, but what is truly difficult is to become conscious of what you have in yourself and be able to use it as your own."

The Swordsman and the Cat, from a seventeeth-century master's book on swordplay.

In ancient traditions, teachers were venerated. Back a thousand years or even a hundred years ago, that common saying that "those who teach, can't" would've been akin to blasphemy. Think about it. Life is hard and partly that's because a lot of it involves loss. At various points in our lives we will lose our innocence, our faith, our way, our health, our riches. All of us have experienced the loss of heartbreak. All of us will experience the death of loved ones. Sometimes those losses are things taken from us by others due to jealousy or various vagaries of fortune (the stock market, say) or even carelessness.

In short, we can lose it all but the hardest thing to lose is what we know. It's inside us, in our brains, sometimes even in our bodies as in, say, muscle memory. What we know, really know, is something that belongs to us and is much harder to take away. By the same token, knowledge can be equally difficult to convey or transmit. It is not just that it can be difficult to put it into words; sometimes the words we choose are not understood the way we meant them. Or sometimes the student does not learn through words but through another technique.

In the mystical traditions, the great teachers don't just lecture. Very often they teach through a series of trials or journeys. The student must first become a warrior of sorts, for the dangers along the way are many. He (or she as in the Japanese woodcut above) must strike a balance between fearlessness and restraint. The warrior must also be resourceful and flexible since the demands of the road must require a change of plan at a moment's notice. This storyline is duplicated across all great traditions. If you want to gain knowledge, you must earn it and the road is hard. Very often at the end of the journey, the teacher appears and reveals that the student/warrior had the answer to his dilemma all along. He or she just could not recognize it as such. Yet without the warrior's initiation, he would never have recognized the key he held to unlock the treasure.

The Tarot works this way as well. You don't even have to buy a deck. You can pick an image that you're drawn to. In fact, art and mysticism are often intertwined and one surefire way to access either is to have fun. (Seriously.) Then dissect the symbols in the image.

I was drawn to the woodcut above. In it, a fierce warrior woman rides astride a mighty white steed. From her regalia, we gather she is not a foot soldier, though she is also not a general. She has some experience and prestige but is mid-way to the top. Her horse is not only an efficient means of locomotion, it is a living being that must be cared for. Without the proper training, the horse would be a liability. The horse in this case refers to the animal nature and impulses inside all of us. Back when it was introduced in warfare, the horse was revolutionary. Indeed, historians have ascribed many key military victories to the savvy use of horses. A horse represents nature's power and sexuality trained in the service of a larger goal.

The woman is in the heat of battle. The foreboding black and red sun in the background indicates a fierce and bloody battleground. She wields her sword against an unseen enemy riding up behind her. The horse itself looks surprised and yet the warrior woman's reaction is so swift that it is almost as if she intuited the danger long before it could spring upon her.

The message is clear. I am in the midst of a fierce struggle. I have tamed my animal nature and have achieved a certain degree of mastery in terms of skills. In order for me to win the battle, I have to use both practical means (the sword) and hidden tools (intuition) to forestall an unforeseen danger.